The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Hamburger Postulate (2007)
Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper
Photos
Quotes
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Sheldon Cooper : [furious that Leslie wrote on his board] I don't come in to your house and touch your board!
Leslie Winkle : There are no incorrect equations on my board.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, that is so... so...
Leslie Winkle : I'm sorry, I gotta run. If you come up with an adjective, text me.
Sheldon Cooper : [after Leslie leaves and a brief pause] Inconsiderate. THAT is the adjective! Inconsiderate.
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Penny : So, how's everything?
Sheldon Cooper : Terrific. You'll be happy to know that I plan to come here every Tuesday night for the foreseeable future.
Penny : Really? Oh, yay!
Sheldon Cooper : Who do I speak to about permanently reserving this table?
Penny : Um, I don't know. A psychiatrist?
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[last lines]
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, what did she mean by that? Or was that just a generic platitude or was that a subtle bid for attention?
Sheldon Cooper : You know why this hamburger surpasses the Big Boy? This is a single-decker hamburger whereas the Big Boy is a double-decker. This has a much more satisfying meat to bun to condiment ratio.
Leonard Hofstadter : Are you even listening to me?
Sheldon Cooper : Of course I'm listening. "Blah blah, hopeless Penny delusion, blah blah."
Leonard Hofstadter : Okay then. You know, you can grow the ingredients for soup.
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Penny : Hey, Sheldon. What's going on?
Sheldon : I need your opinion on a matter of semiotics.
Penny : I'm sorry?
Sheldon : Semiotics, the study of signs and symbols. It's a branch of philosophy related to linguistics.
Penny : Okay, sweetie, I know you think you're explaining yourself, but you're really not.
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Sheldon Cooper : I like the hamburgers where we usually have hamburgers, you can't make the assumption that I'll like the hamburgers here.
Leonard Hofstadter : I'm sorry. Give him a hamburger.
Penny : Uh, which one, the Classic Burger, the Ranch House Burger, the Barbecue Burger or the Kobe burger?
Sheldon Cooper : Can't we just go to Big Boy? They only have one burger. The Big Boy.
Penny : The Barbecue Burger is like the Big Boy.
Sheldon Cooper : Excuse me, in a world that already includes a Big Boy, why would I settle for something like a Big Boy?
Penny : Because you are not at Big Boy!
Sheldon Cooper : Fine, I'll have the Barbecue Burger.
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Sheldon Cooper : I don't know what the protocol is here? Do I stay? Do I leave? Do I wait to greet them with a refreshing beverage?
Penny : Gee, Sheldon, you're asking the wrong girl. I'm usually on the other side of the tie.
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[first lines]
Sheldon Cooper : Alright. I'm moving my infantry division, augmented by a battalion of orcs from Lord of the Rings. We fight the Tennessee Volunteers, and the North once again wins the Battle of Gettysburg.
Howard Wolowitz : Not so fast. Remember the South still has two infantry divisions, plus Superman and Godzilla.
Leonard Hofstadter : No, no, no no. Orcs are magic; Superman is vulnerable to magic. Not to mention, you already lost Godzilla to the Illinois Cavalry and Hulk.
Raj Koothrappali : Why don't you just have Robert E. Lee charge the line with Shiva and Ganesh?
Penny : Hey, you guys ready to order?
Howard Wolowitz : Hang on, honey. Shiva and Ganesh? The Hindu gods against the entire Union army?
Leonard Hofstadter : And orcs!
Penny : I'll be back.
Raj Koothrappali : Excuse me, Ganesh is the remover of obstacles and Shiva's the destroyer. When the smoke clears Abraham Lincoln will be speaking Hindi and drinking mint juleps.
Penny : Alright, my boss says you have to either order or leave and never come back.
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Sheldon Cooper : Do you realize I may have to share a Nobel Prize with your booty call?
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Sheldon : [learning Leonard has a girl over] This is very awkward.
Penny : Oh, come on. You know, Leonard's had girls over before, right?
Sheldon : Oh, yes. But there's usually planning, courtship, advance notice. You know, last time I was able to book a cruise to the Arctic to see a solar eclipse.
Penny : Wait, wait. You had to leave the state because your roommate was having sex?
Sheldon : I didn't *have* to, the dates just happened to coincide.
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Penny : So, you know who's in there?
Sheldon Cooper : Well, there's Leonard...
[picks up violin case]
Sheldon Cooper : and he's either with Leslie Winkle or a 1930s gangster.
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Sheldon Cooper : [Sheldon shows Penny the tie hanging from Leonard's doorknob] What does it mean?
Penny : Oh come on, you went to college.
Sheldon Cooper : Yes, but I was eleven.