Monk (TV Series)

Mr. Monk and the Birds and the Bees (2007)

Gail O'Grady: Lovely Rita

Photos 

Quotes 

• Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Okay, let's go over it again, from the top.

  Lt. Randall Disher : [reading from his notebook]  OK. Husband, Robert Sherman, owns expensive rug. Intruder's shoes indicate he wiped his feet.

  Natalie Teeger : Why would a kid breaking and entering bother to wipe his feet?

  Adrian Monk : Because he wasn't breaking and entering! They knew each other. It was a setup.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Maybe...

  Lovely Rita : [from the corner, handcuffed to a chair]  Maybe the kid, the intruder, was planning on stealing the rug, and didn't want to scuff it up.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : [wryly]  Thank you.

  Lovely Rita : Anytime.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Maybe he planned on stealing the rug.

  Lt. Randall Disher : Okay, what about this? The phone in the bedroom was unplugged.

  Lovely Rita : That doesn't mean anything. I unplug my phone all the time, if I want to sleep, when I'm going to bed...

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : She's right. Doesn't mean anything.

  Lt. Randall Disher : Well, how about this? The wife's slippers.

  Natalie Teeger : Right, the husband said she went downstairs because she was cold. If she was cold, why wouldn't she put on her slippers?

  [pause. Everyone turns to look at Rita] 

  Lovely Rita : Well, she wasn't really cold. She just said she was cold. She was really going downstairs to... get a bite of that chocolate cake in the refrigerator.

  Adrian Monk : What chocolate cake? Who are you?

  Lt. Randall Disher : This is Rita DePasque, aka "The Lovely Rita." She's a material witness on a knife fight downtown.

  Lovely Rita : *Alleged* knife fight. Alleged. I love that word.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : The Lovely Rita has a point, amazingly enough. Any hotshot lawyer could explain away that entire notebook. Was the wife insured?

  Adrian Monk : No.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : So where's your motive?

  Lovely Rita : Wake up!

  [scoots her chair over] 

  Lovely Rita : You've got two people, living under the same roof. One of them wants the other one dead. Believe me, I know.

  Adrian Monk : He didn't love her! I was there when the M.E. wheeled out the wife. All he was thinking about was the rug.

  Lovely Rita : You're cute.

  Adrian Monk : No, I'm not.

• Lovely Rita : You're cute.

  Adrian Monk : No, I'm not.

• Lovely Rita : You're cute.

  Adrian Monk : No, I'm not.

  Lovely Rita : You ever unbutton that top button?

  Adrian Monk : Uhh...

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : There is one problem with your theory: they never met. We checked their bank records, their emails, their phone records, talked to their friends. There is no connection between Rob Sherman and Dewey Jordan.

  Adrian Monk : Look, I know I've seen them someplace.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Where?

  Adrian Monk : I don't know. Just somewhere. It's driving me crazy.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Well, they lived in different worlds.

  [hands them one file] 

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Here's Dewey Jordan's rapsheet - 19 arrests, 12 convictions, bad checks, drugs, a couple of burglaries. And in sharp contrast, here is Mr. Sherman's jacket - one arrest. One in his entire life: driving with a suspended license.

• Lt. Randall Disher : This is Rita DePasque, aka "The Lovely Rita." She's a material witness on a knife fight downtown.

  Lovely Rita : Alleged knife fight, alleged. I love that word.