- Glenn Quagmire: This sucks. I don't want to be here.
- Brian Griffin: Come on, Glenn. If I'm gonna be dating your mom, it's important that we spend some time together.
- [to the receptionist]
- Brian Griffin: Hi, we have two guest passes from a museum member, Ida Davis.
- Receptionist: I'm not seeing an "Ida Davis".
- Brian Griffin: [with a low voice] Uh, try "Dan Quagmire". "Lieutenant Dan Quagmire".
- Receptionist: Ah, the lieutenant. And how's he doing? Still have his penis?
- Brian Griffin: No, he doesn't. And that's a weird question to ask.
- Brian Griffin: [walking around at the museum] See? It's not so bad. It's like Night at the Museum in here.
- Glenn Quagmire: How?
- Brian Griffin: Well, you know... like, the guys are gonna come to life.
- Glenn Quagmire: Like who?
- Brian Griffin: Um, the guys, you know? When it's... when it's nighttime.
- Glenn Quagmire: You didn't see the movie, did you?
- Brian Griffin: No.
- Glenn Quagmire: Why did you bring up a reference to something you know nothing about?
- Brian Griffin: I... it just, it reminded me of, uh...
- Glenn Quagmire: Brian, don't bring up a reference to someone whose favorite movie it is, because you'll just embarrass yourself. That was a natural history museum, this is a science museum. What, you think this tidal chart's gonna come to life? You think this moon rock is gonna walk across the room and riff brilliantly like Robin Williams playing Teddy Roosevelt, God rest both their souls? Be very, *very* careful treading around Night at the Museum.
- Bartender: Excuse me, ma'am, no porn at the bar.
- Ida Davis: Oh it's okay, I'm transgender.
- Bartender: Oh, I-I had no idea. Do whatever you want all the time.
- Ida Davis: Brian, I can't help but notice you're a little uncomfortable spending time with me. I thought you said you weren't ashamed of me.
- Brian Griffin: What are you talking about? Because I made you lie down in the back seat all the way here? You looked tired.
- Ida Davis: It just seems like you're always taking me to out-of-the-way places to avoid being seen together. Like yesterday.
- Brian Griffin: Come on, that's not true. I just wanted to show you a beautiful view.
- [cut to Brian and Ida on a spaceship]
- Brian Griffin: Wow, check out that big blue marble.
- Ida Davis: Look, there's another shuttle.
- Brian Griffin: [pushing her away] Get away from the window!
- [we cut to the astronauts on the other side]
- Russian Astronaut: [in Russian] Look, there's another shuttle.
- [the other astronaut pushes her away from the window. He and Brian then look at each other, smiling and waving at each other awkwardly]
- Waiter: Excuse me ma'am, no porn at the bar.
- Ida: Oh, its okay I'm transgender.
- Waiter: Oh, I had no idea. Do whatever you want all the time.