Parental Guidance (2012)
Billy Crystal: Artie Decker
Photos
Quotes
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Drayton Glass : We're looking for guys who Tweet.
Artie Decker : I'll tweet, I make any kind of noise you want.
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Artie Decker : I feel 10 years younger than I am, and I look 10 years younger than that, so you're asking a 38 year old to retire.
Diane Decker : You're 38? Good, paint the house.
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Turner Simmons : It's d-dirty out here.
Barker Simmons : And windy.
Artie Decker : Yeah, it's called outdoors.
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Artie Decker : Harper, here're your sausages.
Harper Decker Simmons : Soy-sages.
Artie Decker : Soysages? Where are you, the Bronx?
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Diane Decker : Artie!
Artie Decker : I'm sorry! I can't take this anymore! This whole "teachable moments" of protecting their self-esteem and nobody gets punished and every game ends in a tie! All I hear is "Use your words. Use your words," but the word they never use with the kids is "No!"
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Diane Decker : You know what we are? We're the OTHER grandparents.
Artie Decker : Well we can't be all 4.
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Artie Decker : For the record, I was never going to actually spank Barker.
Harper Decker Simmons : But you said you were.
Artie Decker : But I didn't.
Harper Decker Simmons : But he didn't know that.
Artie Decker : That's *why* it worked.
Harper Decker Simmons : Oh.
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Barker Simmons : Carl and I wanna leave.
Artie Decker : Don't leave your seat.
Barker Simmons : You said "don't".
Artie Decker : Consider the consequences, mister.
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Turner Simmons , Artie Decker : [watching Saw] AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Artie Decker : [pauses movie] They made 6 of these?
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Artie Decker : Eggless egg salad, how am I gonna know it when I see it?
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Harper Decker Simmons : Just type in 'get to school'.
Artie Decker : Why is that easier than you just telling me how to get there?