Year One (2009)

Hank Azaria: Abraham

Photos 

Quotes 

• Abraham : [addressing Zed, Oh, and Isaac]  Therefore, to signify my covenant with the one true God, I shall on this day circumcise the flesh of my penis. And of you. And you, and of you, and every male who dwelleth hereby.

  Zed : Excuse me?

  Oh : I don't know what you mean.

  Abraham : We shall grasp the foreskins of our penises, and we shall cut therefrom the extra flesh. Amen.

  Zed : Oh... I don't think I have any extra.

  Oh : Couldn't we pierce our ears or something?

  Abraham : No, no, no. So it shall be written, and so it shall be done.

  Zed : Let me get this straight. You're saying you have too much cock? And you wanna...

  [makes a cutting gesture. Abraham nods] 

  Zed : You know, Abe, it's been a long day, we've all had a lot to drink, and I know that this foreskin thing sounds like a good idea now, but you might wanna sleep on it. We can always cut it off in the morning. But if we do it now, there's just no way to get it back on there.

  Abraham : No, no, no, trust me, it's gonna be a very, very sleek look. This is gonna catch on. I'm gonna go get my good knife. Just wait right there. I'll be right back to cut your penises. Not the whole thing, you understand. Just the very tip. And after, we're all gonna have wine and sponge cake.

• Abraham : We are the Hebrews. Righteous people - not very good at sports.

• Zed : [Abraham draws back with the knife, about to stab Isaac]  STOP! What are you doin' with that kid?

  Abraham : [Abraham freezes, with the knife still held high]  ... Nothing.

  Zed : Nothing?

  Abraham : This is my son, sir. We were playing a game, alright? It's called... "Burny Burny Cut Cut".