Monk (TV Series)
Mr. Monk and the Bad Girlfriend (2007)
Ted Levine: Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Photos
Quotes
-
Adrian Monk : [pushes the button for the interrogation room speakers because the blinds are crooked] Excuse me, could you fix the blinds, please?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I don't feel like it.
Adrian Monk : I wasn't asking you, ma'am, but I'm going to have to ask you to fix the blinds.
Helen Hubbert : Who is that?
Adrian Monk : I'm with the F.B.I.
[pause]
Adrian Monk : in Washington
[pause]
Adrian Monk : D.C., watching you on my computer
[pause]
Adrian Monk : screen.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Don't listen to him, ma'am, he is not in Washington...
Adrian Monk : Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to fix the blinds, and while you're at it pick up the styrofoam pieces scattered about the room.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : He is not a federal agent.
Adrian Monk : Yes... he, I am.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : No, he's not! He's an ex-cop who hates himself and hates his life, and isn't happy unless
[shouts]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : everybody else is as miserable as he is!
Adrian Monk : Miss Hubbert, I'm sure you wouldn't want us to inform the school board about your little drinking problem.
Helen Hubbert : How, how?
Adrian Monk : How? We're the FBI, that's how!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Oh, for God's sakes, he can see the flask in your pocket!
Adrian Monk : And I'm sure you wouldn't want the IRS to know about your second job. You have been moonlighting as a waitress, haven't you? Have you been reporting all of your tips?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : He's looking inside your purse. He can see your wad of singles!
[looks towards Monk and Natalie]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Hey, hey! Mr. FBI-Man!
[takes a shoe and smudges it against the glass pane of the interrogation room]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : What do you think of that?
Adrian Monk : Leland, you can put this woman away for the rest of her life, but Linda Fusco will still be guilty.
[Monk and Natalie walk away]
-
Linda Fusco : [Monk] said that he would set me up and frame me for the murder if I didn't sleep with him.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : [confused] Adrian Monk wanted to *sleep* with you?
-
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Eh... what?... Because Helen Hubbert does not have an alibi it means it couldn't be her?
Adrian Monk : That's right.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Her not having a alibi clears her?
Adrian Monk : That's right. It's the best alibi of all.
-
Natalie Teeger : We have some great news. We think we know who killed Sean Corcoran.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : That's great! That was fast!
Adrian Monk : Yeah.
[in a tone that generally means "very bad news"]
Adrian Monk : This individual has a motive, owns a shotgun, and had access to the house.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Well let's pick him up. What's his name?
[Monk and Natalie look at each other, and try to think for a few seconds, trying to get enough bravery to answer]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Monk, the suspect has a name, right?
Adrian Monk : [eventually finishes thinking] Linda. Linda Fusco.
[Stottlemeyer cracks at this, not understanding Monk's seriousness about the matter]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : That's hilarious. You got me right there.
[He starts to get into his car]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : See you guys mañana.
Natalie Teeger : Captain. He's *not* joking. He never jokes.