Renate Reinsve: Julie
Photos
Quotes
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Julie : This is the crux of our relationship. Everything we feel, we have to put into words. Sometimes, I just want to feel things. You insist on being so damn strong all the time. For you, being strong is about formulating things. If you analyze things at every psychological level, you think you're strong. Because I'm less analytical, you think I'm weaker.
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Aksel : So what is the problem?
Julie : It's a combination of things, not just that.
Aksel : I can see you're in a crisis right now. I can understand that. But if you love me, we'll sort it all out.
Julie : Yes, I do love you. And I don't love you.
Narrator : [voiceover] Julie felt that this sentence, the way she said it, her emphasis on certain words, summed up the impossibility of it all.
Julie : I feel like a spectator in my own life. Like I'm playing a supporting role in my own life.
Aksel : I get that you feel stuck. You need a change. But is this the solution?
Julie : This is exactly my point. I'm trying to tell you how I feel, and you're defining my feelings.
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Aksel : Well, you know... I kind of expected this. I'd given up long before I got sick. Really. I just watch my favourite old movies over and over. Lynch, "The Godfather Part II"... How many times can you watch "Dog Day Afternoon"?
Julie : Many times!
Aksel : You should.
Julie : Absolutely.
Aksel : Sometimes I listen to music I haven't heard before. But... It's old as well. Music I didn't know about, but from when I grew up. It felt as though I'd already given up. I grew up in an age without Internet and mobile phones. I sound like an old fart. But I think about it a lot. The world that I knew... has disappeared. For me it was all about going to stores. Record stores. I'd take the tram to Voices in Grünerløkka. Leaf through used comics at Pretty Price. I can close my eyes and see the aisles at Video Nova in Majorstua. I grew up in a time when culture was passed along through objects. They were interesting because... we could live among them. We could pick them up. Hold them in our hands. Compare them.
Julie : A bit like books?
Aksel : Yeah, a bit like books. That's all I have. I spent my life doing that. Collecting all that stuff, comics, books... And I just continued, even when it stopped giving me the powerful emotions I felt in my early 20s. I continued anyway. And now it's all I have left. Knowledge and memories of stupid, futile things nobody cares about.
Julie : Don't say that. You've got the comics you created. I wish I'd had what you had. To be able to draw without doubting that you're doing what you're supposed to do. I really wish I had that.
Aksel : Yeah, but I've got cancer. I'm dying. Of course I'm being retrospective.
Julie : You said you've done that for ages.
Aksel : Not for that long. In recent years. I reached a point in life when suddenly... It just happened. When... when... I began to worship what had been. And now I have nothing else. I have no future. I can only look back. And... It's not even nostalgia. It's... Fear of death. It's because I'm scared. It has nothing to do with art. I'm just trying to process.
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Julie : I feel like I never see anything through. I go from one thing to another.
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Julie : Personally, I feel like I know everything about male problems. Erectile dysfunction, morning wood, infatuation with young women, premature ejaculation. It's in all the books and movies. Where's the menstrual period? Female orgasm and desire? Where?
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Julie : I don't have anyone I can talk to the way we used to talk.
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Julie : Everything we feel, we have to put into words. Sometimes, I just want to feel things.
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Narrator : [voiceover] Julie disappointed herself. This used to be easy. She was still among the top students, but there were too many interruptions, updates, feeds, unsolvable global problems. She sensed a gnawing unease she had tried to suppress by cramming by drowning it in digital interference. This was wrong. This wasn't her. She'd chosen medicine because it was so hard to gain admission. Where her excellent grades actually meant something. But then she had a revelation. Her passion had always been the soul. The mind, not the body.
Julie : Surgery is like, so concrete. It's almost like being a carpenter.
Narrator : [voiceover] But now...
Julie : My passion has always been what goes on inside, thoughts and feelings.
Narrator : [voiceover] It was like a window had opened.
Julie : Not anatomy.
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Julie : Can you be a Feminist and enjoy getting mouth-fucked?
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Julie : If men had periods, that's all we'd hear about.
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Julie : Relaxing is your specialty! You don't mind serving coffee till you're 50. But I want more!
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Julie : Did you get the article I sent you?
Per Harald : Yeah, I was about to ask you. I couldn't get the link to work. My PC acts up. Know anything about computers?
Aksel : I can take a look. But can't she just resend the email?
Per Harald : Wasn't there a... Did she send it in an email?
Aksel : An attachment to an email.
Per Harald : No, I pressed the button on the mouse. Then I put the arrow on the square. I tried twice, then it vanished.
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Eivind : My secret will be dumb now. I guess I misunderstood. I was going to say I like the Barcode Project. It looks pretty from the bridge when I go to work.
Julie : I expose my darkest secrets, and you...
Eivind : You said secrets, not darkest.
Julie : So why is that a secret?
Eivind : Because everyone thinks it's ugly.
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Julie : [Eats Magic Mushrooms. Hallucinates flinging a fetus at her Father and wakes up to find she used her Menstrual Blood as Warpaint]
