Anders Danielsen Lie: Aksel
Photos
Quotes
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Aksel : I always worried something would go wrong, but the things that went wrong were never what I worried about.
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Aksel : I'm so tired of pretending everything is okay. It sucks being in so much pain. It sucks. Everything sucks. I don't want to be a memory for you. I don't want to be a voice in your head. I want to be happy together.
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Aksel : So what is the problem?
Julie : It's a combination of things, not just that.
Aksel : I can see you're in a crisis right now. I can understand that. But if you love me, we'll sort it all out.
Julie : Yes, I do love you. And I don't love you.
Narrator : [voiceover] Julie felt that this sentence, the way she said it, her emphasis on certain words, summed up the impossibility of it all.
Julie : I feel like a spectator in my own life. Like I'm playing a supporting role in my own life.
Aksel : I get that you feel stuck. You need a change. But is this the solution?
Julie : This is exactly my point. I'm trying to tell you how I feel, and you're defining my feelings.
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Aksel : You were the most important relationship in my life. You don't have to say anything. I know it's not the same for you. That's normal. You have many years left to live. But I know, I feel it. And I want you to know. You were the love of my life. You're a damn good person.
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Aksel : If I regret one thing, it's that I never managed to make you see how wonderful you are.
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Aksel : I wasted so much time worrying about what could go wrong. But what did go wrong, was never the things I worried about.
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Aksel : Well, you know... I kind of expected this. I'd given up long before I got sick. Really. I just watch my favourite old movies over and over. Lynch, "The Godfather Part II"... How many times can you watch "Dog Day Afternoon"?
Julie : Many times!
Aksel : You should.
Julie : Absolutely.
Aksel : Sometimes I listen to music I haven't heard before. But... It's old as well. Music I didn't know about, but from when I grew up. It felt as though I'd already given up. I grew up in an age without Internet and mobile phones. I sound like an old fart. But I think about it a lot. The world that I knew... has disappeared. For me it was all about going to stores. Record stores. I'd take the tram to Voices in Grünerløkka. Leaf through used comics at Pretty Price. I can close my eyes and see the aisles at Video Nova in Majorstua. I grew up in a time when culture was passed along through objects. They were interesting because... we could live among them. We could pick them up. Hold them in our hands. Compare them.
Julie : A bit like books?
Aksel : Yeah, a bit like books. That's all I have. I spent my life doing that. Collecting all that stuff, comics, books... And I just continued, even when it stopped giving me the powerful emotions I felt in my early 20s. I continued anyway. And now it's all I have left. Knowledge and memories of stupid, futile things nobody cares about.
Julie : Don't say that. You've got the comics you created. I wish I'd had what you had. To be able to draw without doubting that you're doing what you're supposed to do. I really wish I had that.
Aksel : Yeah, but I've got cancer. I'm dying. Of course I'm being retrospective.
Julie : You said you've done that for ages.
Aksel : Not for that long. In recent years. I reached a point in life when suddenly... It just happened. When... when... I began to worship what had been. And now I have nothing else. I have no future. I can only look back. And... It's not even nostalgia. It's... Fear of death. It's because I'm scared. It has nothing to do with art. I'm just trying to process.
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Aksel : I have imaginary conversations with you.
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Aksel : If we go on, I'll fall in love with you. Then it'll be too late. Maybe we should agree to... stop seeing each other. The problem is our age difference. I'm just afraid we'll fall into a vicious circle. You're much younger than I am. You'll start to question who you are. I'm past 40. I've entered a new phase. Whereas you still need time to find yourself. You don't need me waiting. You need to be completely free. I'm just afraid we'll hurt each other.
Narrator : Later she said that was the precise moment she fell in love with him.
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Marthe Refstad : Have you read your old Bobcat comics since you grew up? Because in our day and age, they seem so inappropriate and murky that we feel almost sick reading them. It's unpleasant to realize you created a character who gained popularity at the expense of women.
Aksel : Okay, I get it. You're saying art should be pleasant?
Marthe Refstad : Do you think it's art? I brought along some of your early comics. Bobcat is one thing, but then there's Dick Wolf Dick, Pedo the Parrot...
Aksel : Right, I don't really think this is the right medium to explain comic book humor.
Marthe Refstad : Have you ever considered that some of your readers may have been victims of incest or rape?
Aksel : Do we stop creating because some people might feel bad? Artists get killed for drawing things others find offensive. They're shot.
Journalist : Are you comparing Muhammad caricatures with drawings of women with big tits? Or with incest? What's your point?
Aksel : Well, yes and no.
Marthe Refstad : It's a bit of a cop-out to claim freedom of speech when people criticize you. We're discussing your work right now, so nobody's censoring you. As a woman, I'm upset. I'm offended, though we're not supposed to say that.
Aksel : You have a choice. You don't have to feel offended.
Marthe Refstad : It's not a choice.
Aksel : This is very generational. One author cannot be held solely responsible. I think art has to be messy and free. It has to be a bit dangerous to be fun. I want art to be a form of therapy where I can express and work through all my unacceptable thoughts, all my darkest impulses.
Marthe Refstad : But you're using your male privilege to mock people weaker than you. It's hardly art, or even humor. Sorry, it's not smart enough to be satire.
Aksel : But this isn't about me. Like, when I create something, it's not just me talking.
Marthe Refstad : I know that much.
Aksel : Do you? Let's say I draw this interview as a cartoon. The comic version of me might call you a whore. It doesn't mean I think that. It could be a parody of a certain type of insecure male...
Marthe Refstad : You used the word "whore"?
Aksel : Yes, I said "whore". You're not interested in what I mean.
Marthe Refstad : Can't you see that's crass sexualization?
Journalist : I think we're on a slippery slope here.
Aksel : All you post-feminists are so fucking self-righteous!
Journalist : Thank you, Marthe Refstad and Aksel Willmann.
Marthe Refstad : The term is "sex worker" now, by the way.
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Aksel : If he's a kind man, then go for it. With a kind father, and you as the mother, everything will be fine.
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Aksel : I'm sure I remember things about you that you've forgotten.
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Julie : Did you get the article I sent you?
Per Harald : Yeah, I was about to ask you. I couldn't get the link to work. My PC acts up. Know anything about computers?
Aksel : I can take a look. But can't she just resend the email?
Per Harald : Wasn't there a... Did she send it in an email?
Aksel : An attachment to an email.
Per Harald : No, I pressed the button on the mouse. Then I put the arrow on the square. I tried twice, then it vanished.
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Aksel : Language opens the door to the subconscious. Freud was a great writer. He could be self-critical. He never hesitated to revise his theories. He viewed each individual patient as a research subject. Freud didn't distinguish between therapy and research. I find that very compelling. Especially these days, when scientific methodology is applied even in the humanities.
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Aksel : Most people have kids without sorting out their life first. They figure it out.
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Aksel : It started with a backache. I've had backaches before. I didn't worry. Then my skin turned almost golden. I thought I looked good. It turned out to be jaundice.
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Aksel : Everything was butchered. The story. All the details. They removed the starfish.
Karianne : Sorry, I'm lost.
Ole Magnus : What starfish?
Aksel : It's, you know... the butthole. The anus. His butt is smooth in the movie. This thing is gone. That's bad in my book. In underground comics you shit, you puke, you fuck and all that stuff. Bobcat is a wild cat in a world of domestic cats. He's a rebel against the bourgeoisie. One of the most iconic buttholes ever.
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Aksel : The World I knew has disappeared.
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Aksel : I lied and said I forgot my sunglasses.
