- [Monk finds evidence that Marci's neighbor has killed his wife]
- Adrian Monk: There's a chance... she's not crazy. I mean, she's crazy, but... she might not be wrong.
- [Marci trots toward him ecstatically]
- Adrian Monk: [shrinking] Clue hug?
- Natalie Teeger: Take it like a man.
- [last lines; Marci has sent her box of memorabilia back to Monk. He finds the troll doll]
- Adrian Monk: Oh look, it's you.
- [Natalie finds the bobbleheads of Monk and Marci]
- Natalie Teeger: [as Marci] "Oh, Adrian, I adore you! You're so amazing!"
- Adrian Monk: All right...
- Natalie Teeger: [as Monk] "Thank you, Marci. I think you have excellent taste. How would you like to be my new assistant? You can follow me around and worship me all day."
- Adrian Monk: All right, it wasn't like that...
- Natalie Teeger: [as Marci] "And let's seal the deal with a great big clue hug! Clue hug! Clue hug! Clue hug!"
- Adrian Monk: Cut it out, will you? I know it's you.
- Natalie Teeger: [following him] "Oh, don't go away, I just want a little clue hug! Clue hug, clue hug, clue hug!"
- [during the flashback summation]
- Adrian Monk: [voice-over] Marci, what are you doing? There's no hugging during the "here's what happened!"
- Marci Maven: [voice-over] Sorry, go on.
- Natalie Teeger: Okay, how about this: you give me $600. When anybody bids on you, I'll outbid them.
- Adrian Monk: That's a great idea. How do I get my money back?
- Natalie Teeger: You don't. It goes to charity.
- Adrian Monk: Let's keep thinking.
- Marci Maven: Look, I really have to see Adrian, it's an emergency.
- Natalie Teeger: Yeah, that's what you said last year, Marci. But when he got in the car, you locked the door and tried to drive him to Corpus Christi.
- Marci Maven: It was Thanksgiving!
- Adrian Monk: [Monk and Natalie are visiting Marci in her home. She serves Monk his favorite bottled water and square cookies] They're square!
- Marci Maven: [laughing] I knew you would appreciate that! Yeah, I've been baking all day, and cleaning, I wanted everything to be perfect.
- Adrian Monk: [Monk examines his glass] Marci, is this *my* glass?
- Marci Maven: Not anymore, you threw it out - remember? And yes, this is your rug, and yes, that is your lamp, and yes, these are your pants.
- [Monk and Natalie look at each other suspiciously]
- Marci Maven: Don't worry, I'm not crazy, I'm just a fan.
- [Seriously]
- Marci Maven: You are amazing. But you knew that, didn't you.
- Natalie Teeger: His pants?
- [Natalie is trying to convince Monk to take part in a SFPD bachelor auction]
- Natalie Teeger: Don't you want to be a team player?
- Adrian Monk: No.
- Natalie Teeger: Don't you want to appear to be a team player?
- Adrian Monk: Sure.
- [Marci is playing with her dolls in a diorama of Monk's cases]
- Marci Maven: [as herself] Adrian, should we call the Captain?
- [as Monk]
- Marci Maven: Not yet, Marci, we need to gather more evidence. Natalie, get the car.
- [falsetto]
- Marci Maven: On my way, Mr. Monk!
- Natalie Teeger: Is that me?
- [picks it up]
- Natalie Teeger: It's a troll doll.
- Marci Maven: Huh.
- Adrian Monk: [reading Marci's letter] "Dear Adrian, I'm sorry I can't have your things in my house anymore. How would I ever explain it to... Fmurry Abraham?"
- Natalie Teeger: F. Murray Abraham, the actor.
- Adrian Monk: May God have mercy on his soul.
- Marci Maven: [Monk, Natalie, and Marci are walking away after interviewing a lumberyard employee] That is 4 lumberyards down. One to go. How am I doing?
- Adrian Monk: Not bad, actually.
- Marci Maven: Well, if you ever need an assistant...
- Adrian Monk: Well, I have Natalie.
- Marci Maven: Maybe it's time for a change.
- Adrian Monk: Natalie and I have been together for three and half years. So, I don't...
- Marci Maven: I'll work for free!
- Adrian Monk: [Monk stops and thinks. Natalie turns toward him] What?
- Natalie Teeger: You're considering it?
- Adrian Monk: Well... you know... free.
- Natalie Teeger: So?
- Marci Maven: You want to make a counteroffer?
- Natalie Teeger: Yeah, here's my counteroffer: I'm not nuts!
- Marci Maven: You're right, you're right, I'm sorry. It's-it's her. I get so flustered.
- Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, you're not flustered, you're flattered. Who wouldn't be? She adores you, she knows *everything* about you. After all, you're only human.
- Marci Maven: There's no need for name calling.
- Natalie Teeger: And the dog was definitely dead when you buried him?
- Marci Maven: Yeah, the dog was was definitely dead when I buried him! What do you think? I'm a nut?
- Natalie Teeger: Uhhhh...
- Young Clerk: May I help you?
- Marci Maven: [working as Monk's assistant] This is Adrian Monk. He's going to be asking you some questions.
- Young Clerk: What about?
- Marci Maven: You'll find out. First there are some ground rules. No coughing. No sneezing. You will not shake his hand. You will not make small talk. Do you understand? Lower that sleeve so that it's even with the other one. He's very particular.