- Chief Wuntch: [On video] Hello, Raymond. Surprised to see me?
- Raymond Holt: Well, I didn't say Bloody Mary three times, so yes.
- Amy Santiago: When did she record this?
- Rosa Diaz: Judging by the flames around her, it could be a livestream.
- Raymond Holt: As many of you know, Madeline and I were bitter rivals, but I've come to realize she held a special place in my life. No one challenged me like she did or made me feel as alive. Our relationship was like an epic chess match. And it's hard to believe that... She'll never make another move.
- [He hears a notification on his phone]
- Raymond Holt: Unless...
- [He checks his phone]
- Raymond Holt: No, it's just a notification. Cheddar's doggy toothpaste has shipped. So she is gone, and I wish she were not. I will miss you, Madeline Wuntch.
- Raymond Holt: Wait, Wuntch is dead?
- Terry Jeffords: Yeah. The Commissioner's office just notified us.
- Raymond Holt: No way that's true. As Wuntch says when she sees deodorant, "I'm not buying it."
- Raymond Holt: [about Madeleine Wuntch] What does that human blister want now? Does she intend to demote me even further? Or perhaps she'll transfer me to the swamps of New Jersey so I can patrol the sinkhole where she was spawned.
- Jake Peralta: Or it's possible the announcement has nothing to do with you.
- Raymond Holt: Oh, good thinking, Peralta. You're right. Maybe Madeline wants to inform us all that she's a Cheuksin.
- Jake Peralta: A what?
- Raymond Holt: A Cheuksin. A Korean toilet ghost, lives in an outhouse, wraps her hair around your throat and chokes you to death while you move your bowels.
- Jake Peralta: You know what? I will give you $6,000 if the announcement is she's a Cheuksin.
- Jake Peralta: Now, as you know, this decision has been quite hard upon me... Title of mine sex tape.
- Amy Santiago: [Upset, crying] Oh, my God! I just heard about Wuntch! She was so young!
- Raymond Holt: For a redwood tree.
- Amy Santiago: Look, since you can't say anything nice, try saying the opposite of whatever you're thinking.
- Raymond Holt: Interesting. I'll give it a whirl. Madeline Wuntch was... A friend.
- Rosa Diaz: See? It's not that hard to say something ni... Oh, you're vomiting.
- Jake Peralta: Ever since I brought these tickets up, you guys have made my life absolutely miserable, but that ends now, because I've made a choice.
- Terry Jeffords: Cagney is sick. We don't know how long she has.
- Charles Boyle: We do know for Nikolaj. It's 36 hours.
- Jake Peralta: All right, full disclosure. I was trying to do that Bible thing and then one of you was gonna take the high road and say that rather than see the tickets destroyed, you would just bow out, and then that person was gonna get the tickets.
- Terry Jeffords: Nope. If I don't get them, no one does.
- Charles Boyle: Agreed. Boyles or bust.
- Terry Jeffords: Cut them up.
- Jake Peralta: I'm not gonna do that. I'm just gonna have to think of another way to figure this out. Stupid Bible with stupid lessons never solved crap!
- Terry Jeffords: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
- Raymond Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
- Charles Boyle: Wait. He's taking the kids for us?
- Terry Jeffords: It's just like getting a free babysitter.
- Charles Boyle: This is incredible. People without kids are so stupid.
- Terry Jeffords: Oh, you must be feeling better. You're heating up your favorite meal; beans.
- Raymond Holt: They're refried. It's bad enough they were cooked once, let alone twice, and now the toaster oven makes it three times. I couldn't be crying for help any louder.
- Raymond Holt: You don't feel sad when a monster dies in a monster movie. In "E.T.," do you feel sad when E.T. dies?
- Chief Wuntch: Yes.
- Terry Jeffords: He wasn't a monster.
- Raymond Holt: He caused a real commotion.
- Raymond Holt: That man is lying. I don't believe Wuntch had another rival. I saw it in her eyes. She only had hate for me.
- Rosa Diaz: Are you jealous?
- Raymond Holt: Of course I am. I despised her with my entire being while she was only despising me with a fraction of hers?
- Adam Jarver: [to Holt, about Wuntch] You were not her greatest rival, and the proof is right here.
- Chief Wuntch: [On video] Hello, Adam. I may be dying but I burned down your cabin in Maine. You were my one true rival.
- Adam Jarver: Excuse me. Is this the memorial for Madeline Wuntch?
- Raymond Holt: Yes, this is the memorial for Madeline Wuntch. Just saying her name brings tears to my eyes.
- Adam Jarver: Why, because her heart was made of onions?
- Raymond Holt: Excuse me?
- Adam Jarver: Madeline Wuntch was what you get when you cross a slug with an anal fissure. We spent our entire lives trying to destroy each other. I was her one true nemesis.
- Raymond Holt: No!
- Jake Peralta: Hey there, big guy. You sure you're feeling okay about ending Charles' life?
- Terry Jeffords: Yep, my girls are gonna see this movie.
- Jake Peralta: Right, well, before you commit manslaughter, I do feel compelled to tell you that the movie only has a 38 on Rotten Tomatoes.
- Jake Peralta: Charles, why did you let Terry choose boxing?
- Charles Boyle: He didn't. I picked it.
- Jake Peralta: But you'll die.
- Charles Boyle: Don't worry about it. Boxing's in my blood. My Nana Boyle boxed in the Navy.
- Jake Peralta: I'm sure she did but... and hear me out... what if you're not as strong as your Nana Boyle?
- Charles Boyle: I can handle myself. She taught me her signature punch; the Strawberry Basket.
- Jake Peralta: That does not reassure me.
- Nikolaj Boyle: Wow, that speech would have been amazing. I had to look up what a toilet ghost was.
- Raymond Holt: Uh, yes, I took a trip to Korea just to research a new Wuntch insult. In fact it's been a motivation for most of my international travel.