- Herbert T. Gillis: Son, is this the book you were looking for?
- Dobie Gillis: Oh, yeah. Thanks, Dad. I don't know what I'd do without you.
- Herbert T. Gillis: Yeah, neither do I, but just thinking about it has made my whole day.
- [the insurance lawyer is discussing Maynard's injury lawsuit]
- Maynard G. Krebs: It's nothing that five million dollars wouldn't cure.
- Chester L. Wayzack, Esq.: Oh, you'd settle for five million dollars, would you?
- Maynard G. Krebs: Well, I ain't sayin' yes and I ain't sayin' no.
- Chester L. Wayzack, Esq.: Well, what are you saying?
- Maynard G. Krebs: I ain't sayin'.
- [a baseball narrowly misses Maynard, who thinks it's a bomb, and jumps into Dobie's arms just as a boy comes to retrieve the ball]
- Boy: Oh, excuse me, I didn't mean to intrude.
- Dobie Gillis: You're not intruding, you're not intruding.
- Boy: [the boy points at Maynard, laughing] Ugliest girl I ever saw!