- George Lopez: Dude, are you wearing a thong?
- Ernie: I didn't want crease lines in the leather. I'll just back out of here. Oh my keys.
- [bends over, Benny comes in behind him, makes a face]
- Benny: You know what? That reminds me, I have a ham to defrost.
- [turns and leaves]
- George Lopez: I'm spending time with my son doing something that we both like. Something you wouldn't know anything about.
- Benny: Hey, I played with you when you were a kid.
- George Lopez: Yeah I remember your games. Shots and Ladders. Brandyland, and of course, Colonel Mustard in the bedroom with my mom!
- Vic Palmero: [the kitchen's filled with smoke from the machine George bought for Max's band] What's with all the smoke? Did a little girl from Kansas throw water on your mother and she melted?
- Angie Lopez: Max is going to be out of this house before you know it and you will miss him.
- George Lopez: I know what you're doing, it won't work, I'm not sensitive.
- Angie Lopez: Oh no? Remember when he was a year old and he said his first word, 'Dada'?
- George Lopez: So what?
- Angie Lopez: Remember when he was little and would sleep on your chest while you watched the Raiders?
- George Lopez: They never lost when he was on me.
- Angie Lopez: And the Halloween he was 8 and we asked him what super hero he wanted to be, and he said 'My Daddy!'?
- George Lopez: [sniffs] I miss him already! Where'd he go?
- Angie Lopez: He's upstairs wondering where his father is.
- Max Lopez: At least when I'm your age I won't be trying to act like I'm still in high school.
- George Lopez: Dude, when you're my age, you'll still *be* in high school.