- Ship's Captain: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to bar you from the aft section of the ship for the rest of the cruise.
- Lois Griffin: Oh, we are so sorry. Peter, what the hell did you think you were doing?
- Peter Griffin: Lois, it is called the "poop deck." That is why I pooped there.
- Ship's Captain: You're disgusting!
- Peter Griffin: And you're misleading.
- Peter Griffin: Boy this is romantic, isn't it, Lois?
- Lois Griffin: It sure is, sweetie. I feel like that fat-ass British girl from Titanic.
- Peter Griffin: What girl?
- Lois Griffin: The *lead* in Titanic. The one opposite Leonardo Di Caprio.
- Peter Griffin: Sweetheart, that was a guy.
- Lois Griffin: What?
- Peter Griffin: That was a guy. That was Philip Seymour Hoffman.
- Lois Griffin: No it wasn't!
- Peter Griffin: Yes it was, honey. It was Philip Seymour Hoffman. Look at you out here on a big trip.
- Lois Griffin: Stewie? What are you doing here?
- Stewie Griffin: [points a gun at Lois] Oh there is a very simple answer to that. You drove me here, with all indignity you force me to suffer for all these years!
- Lois Griffin: Wha? What are you doing with a gun?
- Stewie Griffin: Something I should have done a very long time ago!
- [Stewie shoots Lois]
- Judge: [after the Kool-Aid Man appears] Okay! Can I ask everyone to please stop saying "Oh no" in this courtroom? 'Cause the fucking Kool-Aid Guy's gonna keep showing up! Thank you.
- Stewie Griffin: You know, Meg has really flourished since Lois was murdered.
- Brian Griffin: What are you talking about? Lois' death was an accident.
- Stewie Griffin: Which is what someone who pulled the perfect murder would want you to think.
- Brian Griffin: What the hell are you... Stewie... did you... did you kill Lois?
- Stewie Griffin: Of course I didn't, Brian.
- [as he's explaining, his head turns 90 degrees]
- Stewie Griffin: Remember what you said? I'm all talk. I wouldn't possibly go through with it. I'll just poop and fall asleep!
- Brian Griffin: My God! You did it! You actually did it!
- Stewie Griffin: [with his head stuck at a 90 degree angle] Oh God, I really screwed myself up here. Listen, could you reach into my pocket and get the number of that acupuncturist?
- Brian Griffin: You son of a bitch! You killed Lois!
- Stewie Griffin: Good luck proving that, Brian. Now, seriously, that number?
- Brian Griffin: [ignoring the diversion] Well, I am gonna expose you for what you are! No matter what it takes! You are gonna pay for this!
- [leaves in anger]
- Lois Griffin: You've totally ruined this trip for me. I am mortified to even show my face around this ship.
- Peter Griffin: Hey the Captain's the one who should be embarrassed, his story was gay.
- Lois Griffin: YOU'RE gay!