- [the kids hear strange noises coming from the hallway]
- Gonzo: Maybe it's a two-headed watermelon monster.
- Rowlf: With tentacles.
- Scooter: Installing a satellite dish.
- [Bean pictures a giant spider]
- Bean Bunny: Gosh, really?
- Fozzie: Uh-uh. It's Uncle Statler, Uncle Waldorf, and Nanny making "Whoo whoo, chug chug, ding ding" noises.
- Piggy: That's the silliest thing I...
- [Statler and Waldorf enter, wearing train conductor hats, and trip down the stairs, dropping their boxes]
- Piggy: Ever heard.
- Bean Bunny: Everybody's gone, Nanny.
- Kermit: I know, Bean. They're building the Transcontinental Railroad.
- Bean Bunny: They are?
- Kermit: Uh-huh, and you can help, too.
- Bean Bunny: I can?
- Kermit: [gives Bean a wagon] Yup. You can drive the supply wagon. Here. Take this peanut butter to Uncle Statler in Sacramento.
- Bean Bunny: What?
- Kermit: And then take this jelly to Uncle Waldorf in St. Louis. Okay?
- Bean Bunny: Uh, sure thing, Nanny. Guess I'll be seeing you about Easter, huh?
- Statler: Ha ha. Sacramento's a pretty fancy place, eh, kids?
- Fozzie: Yeah. Almost as nice as Nanny's room.
- Piggy: Fozzie, this is Nanny's room.
- Fozzie: Uh-uh. Uncle Statler said this is Sack-of-potato. See?
- [Fozzie and Piggy now see the old western buildings of Sacramento]
- Piggy: Oh.
- Fozzie: Boy, some people think they know everything.
- Statler: Kermit, you and Fozzie start laying tracks. And, Piggy, you and Rowlf get the train ready.
- [Kermit starts carrying the heavy rail, but notices Fozzie isn't helping]
- Kermit: What's the matter, Fozzie?
- Fozzie: Uncle Statler didn't say "Simon says."
- Kermit: Oh, boy. Simon says let's go.
- Fozzie: Okay.
- Kermit: Which way we going, Uncle Statler?
- Statler: That way, son. East.
- [the kids look to their left and see Nanny's chair]
- Fozzie: That doesn't look so bad.
- Piggy: [wiping her face] Yeah. All we have to do is move some of that furniture.
- Statler: Furniture? Look again, girl. Why, those are the High Sierras, toughest mountain range in the world.
- Piggy: Oh, I knew that.
- [the kids now see the High Sierras and are amazed]
- Fozzie: Boy, Nanny's not going to be happy about this. She really liked that chair.
- Kermit: [while tunneling through the mountain] Whew! Going through this mountain... is even harder than going over it.
- [lifts a load of dirt]
- Kermit: Here, Rowlf.
- Rowlf: [takes the load from Kermit] Ugh, that's for sure. Here, Piggy.
- Piggy: [takes the load from Rowlf] Ugh, whew! I'll say. Here, Fozzie.
- [Fozzie doesn't take the dirt and Piggy falls over]
- Piggy: Ooooh!
- Fozzie: You didn't say "Simon says."
- [laughs]
- Piggy: Can you believe this?
- Rowlf: Howdy, partner.
- Bean Bunny: Howdy-do to you, bud.
- [pulls out a barrel]
- Bean Bunny: Here's that barrel of peanut butter you ordered.
- [an angry Piggy comes out of the tunnel]
- Piggy: Oooh!
- Bean Bunny: Gosh, what happened to her?
- [Fozzie appears]
- Fozzie: Simon says "Hi". Ha ha ha ha ha!
- Rowlf: That answer your question?
- Bean Bunny: Uh-huh. Well, gotta get going. Got a tub of jelly to deliver to Uncle Waldorf. Say, uh, you wouldn't know how to get to St. Louis, would you?
- Statler: Sure would. That-a-way, about 2,000 miles.
- Bean Bunny: Two thousand...? Uh, heh heh. Lucky me. See you around Christmas, I guess.
- Scooter: Which way do we go now, Uncle Waldorf?
- Waldorf: Well, hard to tell, son. Map stops right about here.
- Skeeter: Um, maybe we should ask this guy.
- [Animal appears before Waldorf's group as an Indian chief]
- Scooter, Waldorf: Huh?
- Skeeter: He looks like he knows his way around.
- Waldorf: I'll bet he does, too. Indians were the first real Americans, you know. This land belonged to them before anyone else.
- Scooter: [to Gonzo] Just ask him the shortest way to the kitchen, would ya? I'm starved.
- Animal: Ooh, me show way! Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya!
- [Animal rides off on his horse with the group following him, then stops]
- Animal: That shortest way.
- [everyone looks on in shock as they see a huge canyon]
- Skeeter: Gee, maybe we should ask him for the second shortest way.
- Gonzo: Right. Uh, Mr. Chief, sir.
- [Animal has disappeared]
- Gonzo: Oh, boy.
- Skeeter: He's gone.
- Waldorf: That's okay. We'll do what the original railroad men did.
- Gonzo: Order a pizza?
- Waldorf: Nope. Build a bridge.
- Gonzo: Oh, that was gonna be my next guess.
- [Bean, after just riding through a creepy forest, delivered the jelly to Waldorf's group, then rode off]
- Skeeter: What's wrong with him?
- Waldorf: Kids, before the railroads, getting stuff around the country was pretty scary business.
- Bean Bunny: [chuckles nervously] You don't know the half of it.