- Vic Palmero: There's something important I need to say to you, son. And it's something that helps me whenever I'm facing tough times... I'm marrying a 27-year-old!
- George Lopez: That's great, Vic. You know, in ten years when she goes to her high school reunion, she can take your ashes. "That's not an ashtray; you just spit your gum in my husband."
- Vic Palmero: So, I guess congratulations are in order for you.
- George Lopez: Look, we don't know if my mom's going to prison yet.
- Jonathon K. Martin: Me and my secretary were fooling around in my office. My wife called. I said there was something on my desk that needed my attention. Now, did I lie?
- George Lopez: Cochino, yeah, you lied!