Chuck (2007–2012)

Zachary Levi: Chuck Bartowski

Photos 

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Quotes 

• [under the influence of a truth serum] 

  Chuck Bartowski : [looks at Sarah]  God, you're so pretty!

  [looks at Casey] 

  Chuck Bartowski : ... and Casey, your jaw was chiseled by Michelangelo himself.

  John Casey : Thank you.

• Sylvia Arculin : Charles, I didn't expect you to come so quickly.

  Chuck Bartowski : Charles Carmichael *always* comes quickly.

  [awkward pause] 

• Sarah Walker : This is real? You really love me?

  Chuck Bartowski : With all of my heart.

• Chuck Bartowski : [seeing General Beckman on the TV]  Wow, that new high-def screen sure shows every wrinkle.

  John Casey : They can hear you.

  Chuck Bartowski : What? Twinkle! Every twinkle... in her eye... eyes...

• Chuck Bartowski : [Sarah kisses Chuck]  Is that a - real kiss, or a cover kiss? Cause I'm confused right now.

  Sarah Walker : It's a "we have an international security emergency and I need to speak to you privately" kiss.

  Chuck Bartowski : See? I knew I felt something.

• Sarah Walker : Okay, fine, I'll answer one question about my past. You've earned that much.

  Chuck Bartowski : ...No thanks. I don't need to know more about who you were. 'Cause as much as you don't think so, I know who you are: a girl I'd like to share a cheeseburger with. Should I get a knife? I'll get a knife.

  Sarah Walker : That won't be necessary.

  [Sarah rolls up one of her pant legs, pulls out a knife and gives it to Chuck] 

  Chuck Bartowski : That's... awesome! And a little disturbing.

• Jeff Barnes : Does it shock you that 80 percent of my encounters with women have been without their knowledge?

  Chuck Bartowski : Honestly, I'm more surprised by the other 20 percent.

• Chuck Bartowski : Well, it may not be the steamiest, but we probably have the strangest relationship in Los Angeles.

  Sarah Walker : Doubt that. Morgan's still dating, right?

  Chuck Bartowski : Good point.

• General Diane Beckman : I wanted a private word with you. Pardon the intrusion.

  Chuck Bartowski : On this moment or my life in general?

• Chuck Bartowski : Excuse me. I'm sorry, General. But who in my life *isn't* a spy? My sister? My best friend? Should I just start asking people when I first meet them, "Hi I'd like the extra value meal, and while we're on the topic, do you covertly work for a government faction?"

• Chuck Bartowski : You belong out there. Save the world. I'm just - I'm just not that guy.

  Sarah Walker : How many times do you have to be a hero to realize that you *are* that guy?

• Sarah Walker : What about me?

  Chuck Bartowski : [chuckles]  You're really going to make me say it.

  [Sarah smiles] 

  Chuck Bartowski : Wow, okay. Fine. All right we'll play it your way... A girl like you, or more appropriately, a *woman* like you. Considering the fact that you could probably kick the ass of everyone in this joint. And a smart one too. Not to mention, cool... and extremely beautiful. And - and - you can stop me any time with the compliments if they're becoming... you know...

  Sarah Walker : No, that's very... sweet.

  Chuck Bartowski : "Sweet?" Golly gee, thanks for making me feel like I'm 8.

  Sarah Walker : [slight chuckle]  You're not so bad yourself.

  Chuck Bartowski : [sarcastically]  Please. I'm fantastic.

  Sarah Walker : [seriously]  Yeah. You are.

• Chuck Bartowski : I'm just too trusting. Ever since I was a kid, I really wanted to believe what everyone else told me, you know? I'm just getting used to this new job, with the spying and lying.

  Sarah Walker : Don't get used to it. What makes you special is that you're not like every other spy. You're a good guy and you want to help people. Leave the deception to me.

• Chuck Bartowski : The guy is a total loser, all right. Absolute bottom feeding scum of the Earth. Have I mentioned considerably *older* man!

  Jack Burton : [from behind]  All true, but I'm a hell of a dancer.

  Sarah Walker : Chuck, I'd like you to meet my *dad*, Jack Burton. Dad, this is my boyfriend, Chuck.

  Chuck Bartowski : [clears throat]  A real pleasure, sir.

• Chuck Bartowski : You want to go on a date with me some time? I mean a date without aliases, and spy gear, and no mission.

  Sarah Walker : Like a *real* date?

  Chuck Bartowski : Yeah.

  Sarah Walker : Chuck,

  [clears throat checks to make sure no one is listening] 

  Sarah Walker : I'm still a CIA agent. And there are a hundred reasons why I shouldn't do that.

  Chuck Bartowski : What do you have to lose? In a week, you're going to be undercover somewhere in some place like Jakarta, in a knife fight with some evil doer and in that exact moment you're going to wish you would have spent one night of fun with me.

  Sarah Walker : ...Okay.

• [repeated line] 

  Chuck Bartowski : Guys... I know kung fu.

• Chuck Bartowski : Look something's wrong with me. I don't know what, but something is very, very wrong with me. I'm remembering things I shouldn't know.

  Sarah Walker : Talk to me, Chuck, like what?

  Chuck Bartowski : I don't know, I don't know... Like there was a Serbian demolitions expert at the Large Mart today. don't you think that's a little odd?

• Chuck Bartowski : Look, what if I surrender and you run. I mean I'm going into a cell anyway. What's the difference?

  Sarah Walker : Torture.

  Chuck Bartowski : Okay, no surrender.

• Chuck Bartowski : [mimicking Casey's voice]  Well thanks for saving my life today, Chuck.

  Chuck Bartowski : Any time, Casey. Yeah, you know what you're my friend.

  Chuck Bartowski : [mimicking Casey's voice]  Yeah you're my friend too.

  Chuck Bartowski : That's really kind of you, Casey. Have a good night.

  John Casey : [seriously]  Thank you.

  [closes door] 

• Chuck Bartowski : But it's - it's Christmas. Look, I'm not buying the whole Scrooge act. Underneath that spy cover is a regular person, just like the rest of us. I mean, honestly, how weird could Christmas have been for you?

  Sarah Walker : Christmas at the Burton household meant the annual Salvation Army con job.

  Chuck Bartowski : Okay, you're a little different than the rest of us.

• [repeated line] 

  Sarah Walker , Chuck Bartowski : Don't freak out.

• John Casey : Relax, I think I see a scenario where we both get out with acceptable losses.

  Chuck Bartowski : What *exactly* is your version of acceptable?

  John Casey : Breaks, punctures, possible loss of a limb, no major organ damage.

• Chuck Bartowski : Wait. So not only did we *not* get the Fulcrum list, but Jill's never going to speak to me again because she caught me naked rinsing off fruit punch with another woman?

  John Casey : Common spy problem.

  Chuck Bartowski : [sarcastically]  Really?

• Ellie Bartowski : What about you any revelations? Any ideas what you'll do next?

  Chuck Bartowski : Uh, yeah, a few.

  Ellie Bartowski : If you say pilot the Millennium Falcon, I *will* hit you.

  Chuck Bartowski : Uh, why would I say that? That's absurd. I'm going to be a ninja assasin.

  Ellie Bartowski : No! Try again.

  Chuck Bartowski : Um. Olympic...

  Ellie Bartowski : Uh uh.

  Chuck Bartowski : [slight pause]  Secret Agent.

  Ellie Bartowski : This is what happens when you sit in front of the television set too long.

• Sarah Walker : No, I get it he's your best friend.

  Chuck Bartowski : You know you say that, but I don't think you have a clue what it means. Sarah, I don't have parents. I don't really talk about it because that's the way things are now. But it wasn't always this way. Morgan was there the first day my mom took off. He didn't say much. Because honestly what's a fifth grader supposed to say? But we sat there and split a cherry cheesecake and played Legend of Zelda all night long. And my dad, well that's - that's a whole other story. But Morgan was there for that too. Morgan is more than just my best friend. He's my family! Before you got here, and long after you've gone, Morgan is my family!

  Sarah Walker : ...Last night we failed to learn the contents of the Triad's container. And now we don't know what kind of drugs or weapons are floating around the city. And while I appreciate your friendship with Morgan. Losing sight of that container endangers many people's best friends, not just yours Chuck.

• Chuck Bartowski : [pointing a gun at Casey]  I know what I'm doing.

  John Casey : You have no idea. You're entering a world of pain, Chuck.

  Chuck Bartowski : I want this Intersect out of my head. Are you going to help me or not?

  John Casey : You gotta be... is that a tranq gun? You don't even have the common courtesy to threaten me with an actual firearm!

• Chuck Bartowski : I've spent the last year of my life being tortured, dangled off skyscrapers, bathed in sewage. Stop me if I've forgotten any glamorous perks of this job. I've continually done everything that you guys have asked me to do. But once my dad gets kidnapped, all you can say is "Sorry?"

• Chuck Bartowski : I didn't realize we got personal days.

  John Casey : You don't. We do.

• Sarah Walker : Well, you don't have plans, do you?

  Chuck Bartowski : Would it be so crazy if I did have plans? Plans that involved something other than fixing computers or playing hot potato with a thermite grenade?

  John Casey : Yes.

• Chuck Bartowski : Casey, I'm handcuffed.

  John Casey : Relax, handcuffs are a cinch.

  Chuck Bartowski : Really?

  John Casey : Yeah, there's a bone in your thumb. Tiny bone. Real easy to break. What you're gonna wanna do is apply torsional pressure until it snaps.

  Chuck Bartowski : I'm not going to break my bone!

  John Casey : Well in that case, you are screwed!

• Chuck Bartowski : I have very sensitive sinuses.

  John Casey : Well, 9mm of hot lead should clear that right out! Did you really think you could run away from me? Let's go!

• Chuck Bartowski : See? Guys can hug.

  John Casey : Not if they don't have their man parts.

• Chuck Bartowski : Dad's going to walk you down the aisle.

  Ellie Bartowski : You can't... say that Chuck. I know you want that for me, but we haven't heard from him in a really long time.

  Chuck Bartowski : Yeah well, I'm going to find him. I'm a smart guy, I can do that. And when he hears about the wedding, he'll be here for you.

  Ellie Bartowski : Come on. You really think he'll make it?

  Chuck Bartowski : I guarantee it.

• Ted Roark : Of course, if this doesn't work, I'm afraid I'm going to have to go back to that bit where I kill everybody.

  Chuck Bartowski : What if it does work?

  Ted Roark : If it does work, same result. But you know, you should root for it. Nobody likes a cynic.

• Chuck Bartowski : Oh God, someone shoot me now.

  Ted Roark : I can help you with that, Chuck. A real shotgun wedding. Just think. That terrible pun is the last thing you'll ever hear.