How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)
How Lily Stole Christmas (2006)
Josh Radnor: Ted Mosby
Photos
Quotes
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Lily Aldrin : [Flashback to Lily and Ted in college, very stoned] When I was a kid, all I wanted was an Easy Bake Oven. I begged and I begged, but all I got was a stupid Lego set because my feminist mom didn't want me conforming to traditional gender roles.
Ted : Easy Bake Oven - that's what I'm going to call my van.
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Ted : [On Marshall's answering machine] Hey, Marshall. Still moping on the couch about Lily? Forget about her. You need to get over that Grinch.
Older Ted : [Flashback] But I didn't say Grinch. I said a bad word. I said a very, very bad word...
Ted : Oh, fudge.
Older Ted : [Flashback] But I didn't say fudge.
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Marshall Eriksen : [During his break-up with Lily] Yeah. No, you're right. Lily would laugh at anything.
Barney : She'd give it up for a bad pun. I'm telling you, she's a laugh slut.
Ted : Remember that time we heard her laughing and we thought she was watching Weekend At Bernie's, but it turned out she was watching Weekend At Bernie's *2*?
Barney : And her art? "I'm Lily, I'm an artist." She doesn't even own a beret.
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Virginia Mosby : [On the phone] Ted Evelyn Mosby!
Ted : Oh. Uh, hey, Mom. Merry Christmas.
Virginia Mosby : I just got the most disturbing call from Lily. How could you use such a horrible word?
Ted : Oh, God, she called you?
Virginia Mosby : Are you acting out because of the divorce? Is-is this all about Clint?
Ted : No, Mom, why would it be about Clint?
Clint : [Comes on the line] Hey, buddy, it's Clint. How you doing, champ?
Ted : Hey, Clint. Listen, um, I don't really have time to...
Clint : Hey, hey, no, no, no. Ted, Ted. You don't know this yet, but you and I are going to be great friends. Now, the Native Americans have this ritual...
[Ted hangs up]
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Lily Aldrin : [At Lily's apartment] Some friend, you called me a Grinch.
Ted : You were a Grinch!
Lily Aldrin : How can you...
Ted : Grinchy, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch.
[the lights go out]
Lily Aldrin : Happy? Now, you've pissed off the big guy upstairs.
Ted : Yeah, I'm sure God cares if I...
Man upstairs : [Yelling downstairs] You use that language again and I'll turn off your water!
Lily Aldrin : That's my super. He lives above me. Great. Thanks to your filthy mouth, now I'm going to have Christmas alone in the dark.
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Ted : [At his cousin's] Okay, don't tell your mom, but I got you guys some presents.
Boy : Like the gift of God's love?
Ted : No, dude, real presents.
Boy : [Excited] Uncle Ted got us presents!
Stacy : That's okay, Ted, we'll just give them to charity.
Charity : Yay!
Stacy : Uh, not you, Charity. I meant the less fortunate.
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Lily Aldrin : [about why she's mad at Ted] Do you know what I would do if one of my kindergarteners used language like that? I would be on the phone with their parents!
Ted : I'm not a kindergartener.
Lily Aldrin : Exactly! You know what that word means! You know that calling people names is mean and hurtful... assface!
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Ted : I promise I will never call you a... you know, ever again.
Lily Aldrin : It's okay. I was kind of a Grinch!
Boy : What's a Grinch?
Lily Aldrin : Umm... it's a word you shouldn't say!
Boy : Mom, what's a Grinch?
[Stacy spits out her drink in horror]
Kids : [Chanting] Grinch! Grinch! Grinch!
Ted : Uhh, Merry Christmas!
[Running out with his friends]
Ted : Let's get out of here!
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Ted : Decorations, is that really what Christmas is about?
Marshall Eriksen : Hell, yeah! What else would it be about?
Ted : Uh, try the birth of Christ. You know, Christmas - Christ Mas, which means "More Christ" to our Spanish friends.