- Christine McGlade: And now let's have a look at the line up for today's big game: Brodie Osome, the quarterback.
- Brodie Osome: [enters] Hi
- Christine McGlade: Tony Lefebvre, the halfback.
- [Tony enters, hi-5's Brodie]
- Christine McGlade: And Kevin Kubusheskie.
- [Kevin enters, trips over his own feet, and falls face-down on the ground]
- Christine McGlade: [roles her eyes; beat] The drawback.
- Christine McGlade: We're back! And now for some quick scores: Adam 12, Spaghetti O. Jaws 2, Boston 3. And a late score just in from Hawaii - Five-O.
- Brodie Osome: Did you know the National Hockey League is very interested in Barth?
- Simone Lumsden: Barth? I didn't know he could skate.
- Brodie Osome: He can't. It's just his hamburgers make great hockey pucks.
- Kevin Kubusheskie: Yeah, but did you know they can't use them anymore?
- Simone Lumsden: Why not?
- Kevin Kubusheskie: They broke too many sticks.
- Barth Baggs: Dyah, I heard that!
- Announcer: Howard Cosell Loses His Voice will not be seen at this time because NOBODY could be that lucky.
- Lance Prevort: [after 20 years of practicing his putt] Ya know, I outta knock your block off.
- Simone Lumsden: Come on. You don't even know which club to use.
- Kevin Kubusheskie: [before the firing squad] They missed!
- El Capitano: "THEY" missed? Ho-ho. No, YOU missed! You let it go right past and they scored one. Oh-ho!
- Kevin Kubusheskie: What're you talking about?
- El Capitano: Well, you're supposed to STOP the bullet, not let it go past. I d-don't know these kids... I don't know what the... Now look, you're going to try it once again. And you better stop that bullet this time or you're in real trouble.
- El Capitano: [as Kevin bends down like a baseball player] Ready! Aim!...
- Kevin Kubusheskie: [interviewed as a football player] I, yeah, well, I-I train hard and, uh, I thought hard and, uh, I think it paid off.
- Lisa Ruddy: I hate to interrupt our broadcast but there are a few items I must clear up.
- Christine McGlade: Like what?
- Lisa Ruddy: Okay. Well, like in baseball - when you don't hit the ball, they call it a strike. And in bowling, when you knock down all the pins, they call that a strike, too. And in sports - get this - when you "pass" the ball, you throw it instead of walking right by it. And - one more - in golf, they yell "four" when they're really only hitting one ball.
- Christine McGlade: You know, water polo is obviously a fascinating sport but I've always wondered about one thing.
- Brodie Osome: Really? Uh, what's that?
- Christine McGlade: Well, how do they get twelve horses into a pool?
- Lisa Ruddy: Why don't we have another look at the last scene from the blimp?
- [Wide shot shows the entire Link Set, with Doug Ptolemy operating a camera while sitting piggyback atop Christine]
- Christine McGlade: Very funny, Ruddy!
- Mr. Schidtler: [entering classroom] Today we're going to try something entirely different. We're going to find out which ones of ya think you're stupid.
- [class laughs]
- Mr. Schidtler: No-no-no-no. No-no-no, whoever thinks he's stupid, stand up!
- [Kevin stands up]
- Mr. Schidtler: Now, come on now, Kevin. You don't really think you're stupid.
- Kevin Kubusheskie: Oh, it's not that, sir. It's just that you looked so lonely standing there all by yourself.
- Lance Prevort: Oh, Valerie, I got bad news.
- Valerie Prevort: What is it, dear?
- Lance Prevort: We are gonna have to move.
- Valerie Prevort: Why? Is your company sending us to another city?
- Lance Prevort: No-no, no, no, no-no-no.
- Valerie Prevort: Are we... in disgrace?
- Lance Prevort: Oh, no-no. Nope.
- Valerie Prevort: Is it my parking tickets?
- Lance Prevort: Naw... huh-haw, no. Not exactly. No.
- Valerie Prevort: It's my cooking?
- Lance Prevort: Cooking? No-no, you been keepin' the windows closed.
- Valerie Prevort: Well, then, what is it?
- [In a closing Link Set scene imitating the opening Link Set scene...]
- Christine McGlade: Well, that's just about it for another week. But before we sign off, let's have a look at today's three stars. We've got our first star, Brodie Osome.
- Lisa Ruddy: [excitedly as Brodie enters] Yeah!
- [She drapes a long chain around Brodie's neck]
- Christine McGlade: And presenting a necklace, little Lisa Ruddy. Ain't she sweet? Our second star, Tony Lefebvre.
- Lisa Ruddy: [excitedly as Tony enters] Ohhh!
- [Lisa loops Brodie's chain over to include Tony]
- Christine McGlade: Good thing that's a long chain. And last but not least, Kevin Kubusheskie.
- [Kevin enters, trips over his own feet, and falls face-down on the ground]
- Christine McGlade: [looking down at him] Falling star.
- Announcer: [as Kevin Kubusheskie pulls the longest, saddest face he's ever mustered before the camera] You Can't Do That On Television has been a Poor Sport Production.
- [Kevin, looking like he's been about to cry, suddenly pounds the camera lens, breaking it]
- Lance Prevort: Ah hah, hidin', eh?
- [Tony emerges from behind the couch in his baseball uniform]
- Tony Lefebvre: No.
- Lance Prevort: Oh yes you were, and I know why. 'Cause your sister was seriously hurt, and she says it's all your fault.
- Tony Lefebvre: All my fault? I saved her life.
- Lance Prevort: Saved her life? She fell off the Community Centre roof.
- Tony Lefebvre: I was on my way to the baseball park when I saw her falling, and I went and caught her.
- Lance Prevort: Caught her? How come she's so badly hurt?
- Tony Lefebvre: Force of habit, Dad. I caught her, then I threw her to second base.