You Can't Do That on Television (TV Series)
Foreign Countries (1984)
Les Lye: El Capitano, Lance Prevort, Barth Baggs, Ross Ewich, Nasti, Mr. Schidtler, Announcer, Blip, Snake-Eyes
Quotes
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Announcer : Around The World In 80 Days will not be shown at this time as we only have thirty minutes. In its place we present the following internationally acclaimed children's show.
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Alasdair Gillis : You can't shoot me.
El Capitano : What?
Alasdair Gillis : I mean, I've lead an extremely limited life.
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Mr. Schidtler : Eugene, what are the inhabitants of Paris called?
Eugene Miyagawa : Parasites?
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Angie Coddett : If haggis is the national dish of Scotland...
Christine McGlade : Yeah?
Angie Coddett : ...um, the sausage is the national dish of Germany, and, well, pasta's the national dish of Italy, what's the national dish of America?
Christine McGlade : Hmm, I guess you'd have to say the hamburger.
Barth Baggs : [coming to their booth] Dyah, there ya are - two Double-Whammy Cheese Barth Burgers. Yumm-yum-yum.
Angie Coddett : Well, I guess in Barth's case you'd have to call these the gross national product.
Christine McGlade : That's good. The gross national product, 'cause they're really...
Barth Baggs : Dyah, I heard that!
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Pauline Kerr : Dad! Dad, you're back! What did you bring?
Lance Prevort : What... oh. What do you mean "What did I bring?"
Pauline Kerr : Ah, well, when you went to Switzerland, you brought us each back a watch...
Lance Prevort : Yeah.
Pauline Kerr : ...and when you went to France you brought us back a bunch of smelly perfume...
Lance Prevort : Oh, yeah.
Pauline Kerr : ...and when you went to Italy you brought us back a case of wine.
Lance Prevort : Yeah. So?
Pauline Kerr : So, what did you bring us back from Mexico?
Lance Prevort : Heh-heh, the runs.
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Mr. Schidtler : Today, class, we are discussing foreign currency, and the first country in question is Japan.
Eugene Miyagawa : Oh.
Mr. Schidtler : Eugene.
Eugene Miyagawa : The yen?
Mr. Schidtler : Yen? Correct. Second, Greece.
Pauline Kerr : Sir?
Mr. Schidtler : Pauline?
Pauline Kerr : Uh, the drachma?
Mr. Schidtler : The drachma is right! Third - Argentininnya.
Alasdair Gillis : Sir.
Mr. Schidtler : Yes, Alasdair.
Alasdair Gillis : The I.O.U.?
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Alasdair Gillis : Well, I was just thinking.
El Capitano : What?
Alasdair Gillis : You know, this whole firing squad set-up gives everyone at home the wrong impression about South America.
El Capitano : Huh? Wh-wh-whadda you mean?
Alasdair Gillis : Yeah. I mean, they prob'bly think all you do is stand in front of firing squads and shoot us kids all day, so I think you should tell them all the other kinds of things you do.
El Capitano : You know, I think you've got a point there, kid. I'll do that.
El Capitano : [to the camera and stepping forward] Hey! You out there. Listen, we don't just shoot kids here. Right, amigos?
[Amigos shout out "Si" and "That's right," etc]
El Capitano : No. I mean, here we... we also...
Alasdair Gillis : [peaking out from behind El Capitano] Drive cars.
El Capitano : Drive cars. And we also...
Alasdair Gillis : [peaking out again] Go shopping.
El Capitano : Go shopping, mm-hm. And we, uh...
Alasdair Gillis : [peaking out again] Watch soccer games.
El Capitano : Watch soccer games, and...
Alasdair Gillis : [peaking out again] Uh, roast marshmallows by an open fire.
El Capitano : Roast marshmallows by an open fire.
El Capitano : [realizing what's he's just said] No, we don't!
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Pauline Kerr : Uh, Dad, what's the U.N.?
Lance Prevort : The-the U.N., my dear, is the home of world negotiation. You gettin' all this? Okay. And, being the home of world negotiation, it is the root of many popular expressions, such as: "U.N. your big ideas." "U.N. your big mouth." "U.N. your negotiations." "U.N..."