- Mr. Schidtler: ...And in his famous play MacBeth, Shakespeare wrote these immortal words: "Fair is foul and foul is fair." Now, what, uh, conclusions can we draw from these words? Uh, Alasdair?
- Alasdair Gillis: Well, sir, we can conclude one thing - Shakespeare didn't know the first thing about baseball.
- Ross Ewich: [wanting an appraisal on his apparent physical condition] On a scale of, uh, one to ten, what would you give me?
- Christine McGlade: Oh, Rossie-poo, that's unfair. You know I'm no good at fractions.
- Mr. Schidtler: [as the kids busily take up a collection for Mr. Schidtler's summer vacation] I don't want to hear any jingling, just the gentle folding of currency.
- Christine McGlade: [picking over seeming language misnomers] And then there's "fair-hair." I have dark hair. Does that make my hair "unfair hair?"
- Lance Prevort: [to Alasdair] Look, I don't care if you got fleas or not. This dog is sleepin' with you tonight.
- Natalie Radmore: Just because we're visiting Grandma, why do I have to wear a stupid dress?
- Valerie Prevort: Because Grandma likes you in that dress, dear.
- Natalie Radmore: It's not fair, just because I'm a girl. It's all right for Alasdair. He doesn't have to wear a stupid yellow dress like this one.
- Valerie Prevort: Now, it's got nothing to do with Alasdair being a boy and you being a girl. Now, Grandma happens to like you in that yellow dress, and she likes Alasdair in the pink one. It may be a bit strange, but she's very very rich.
- Alasdair Gillis: Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
- Lisa Ruddy: I do.
- Alasdair Gillis: You'll never make it as a politician.
- Natalie Radmore: My parents did something really unfair to me.
- Lisa Ruddy: What?
- Natalie Radmore: They raised my allowance from five dollars to ten dollars.
- Lisa Ruddy: What's so unfair about that?
- Natalie Radmore: They raised my rent to fifeen dollars.
- Christine McGlade: Alasdair, littering is against the law, you know.
- Alasdair Gillis: Well, then why do they put up a sign says "Fine for Littering."