- [the family has all their furniture and belongings in packing boxes]
- Lance Prevort: Oh, no. Drat.
- Valerie Prevort: What?
- Lance Prevort: [fiddling through his pockets] Can't find my car keys.
- Adam Kalbfleisch: Oh, don't worry, Dad. It's okay. I packed them.
- Lance Prevort: You packed them?
- Adam Kalbfleisch: Well, you said to pack everything, Dad.
- Lance Prevort: But my car keys? You don't know which box they're in?
- Adam Kalbfleisch: Beats me. They all look the same to me.
- Lance Prevort: [takes a box and tries to open it] You dummy! Ah, come on! This is gonna take forever!
- Adam Kalbfleisch: Oh, don't worry, Dad. I'll hot-wire it. I'll have it goin' for you in a flash.
- [Adam exits]
- Lance Prevort: Hot-wire? You know, Valerie... it's kinda nice to know that the schools are finally teaching some practical skills.
- Doug Ptolemy: Hey, Adam?
- Adam Kalbfleisch: Yes, Dougie.
- Doug Ptolemy: How do you like your new apartment?
- Adam Kalbfleisch: Well, we're moving.
- Doug Ptolemy: After only a week? What's come over you?
- Adam Kalbfleisch: An aerobic dance studio full of overweight people!
- Lisa: Christine, wha-what do you think of the new guy, Flip?
- Christine: I think he's weirder than weird.
- Lisa: Aw, you're right. He-he is kind of cute though, but he's definitely "el strange-o". Do... do you know what? He didn't come to school today because his "bio-rhythm was on a down-cycle."
- Christine: Did you know that he won't eat meat, or any vegetable that starts with a T? He wears those stupid roller skates 24 hours a day. He meditates. He does yoga. He lies for hours in one of those sensory deprivation tanks. And to top it all off, someone said yesterday they saw him windsurfing in the parking lot!
- Lisa: You are absolutely right. He is so WEIRD!
- Christine: Around here he's weird. In California, he was "one of the gang".
- Christine: You know, I hate to call anybody a liar but...
- Lisa: Let me guess: Flip?
- Christine: It's just that I find it a little hard to believe that he actually taught Farrah Fawcett how to play tennis.
- Lisa: He told you that? He told me that he taught Bruce Lee how to fight.
- Christine: What do you think his problem is?
- Lisa: I have two theories: One, he's spent too many days out in the California sun too long. And second...
- [Flip speeds past on a skateboard. A scream and a loud crash are heard off camera]
- Lisa: ...one too many wipeouts without a crash helmet.
- [Flip, roller-skating alongside the school bus, waves to Lisa and Christine until the bus suddenly jerks and he falls out of sight with a cry]
- Lisa: Snake Eyes, you just ran over Flip!
- Snake Eyes: Flip. Is that that new kid from California?
- Lisa: Yes!
- Snake Eyes: The one who roller-skates and surfboards in the halls?
- Lisa: Yes!
- Snake Eyes: Oh, yeah, he's the one that's always playin' his w-w-walkman, and-and-and-and he wears his sunglasses indoors?
- Lisa: Yes, you just ran over him about a mile back!
- Snake Eyes: It's okay. I got orders from the principal to run over that kid. Now, sit down and shut up!
- Announcer: Mr. Rogers Gets Evicted will not be seen at this time in order that we may bring you a more moving experience.
- Valerie Prevort: Lance, dear?
- Lance Prevort: Yeah?
- Valerie Prevort: DId you tell the real estate agent that you want to sell the house?
- Lance Prevort: I gave him two prices.
- Valerie Prevort: Two prices?
- Lance Prevort: Yeah. One with the kids; one without the kids.
- Valerie Prevort: Oh. How much more with the kids?
- Lance Prevort: No-no... How much MORE? No-no, I told 'im I'd cut the price in half if the kids were included.
- Vanessa Lindores, Doug Ptolemy: [who have been playing noisily] We heard that!
- Christine McGlade: Hi, and welcome to another episode of You Can't Do That On Television, a show that should probably pack it in right now.
- Lance Prevort: Well, Dougie, how ya like the new school?
- Doug Ptolemy: The school's all right, but today I ran into the school bully.
- Lance Prevort: Aw, yeah. Those guys think they're so tough.
- Doug Ptolemy: He says that if I don't give him all my lunch money he's gonna come over here and knock YOUR block off.
- Lance Prevort: Oh, yeaaah, yeaaah? Huh! We'll SEE about THAT!
- Doug Ptolemy: Dad?
- Lance Prevort: What?
- Doug Ptolemy: He's a lot bigger than you are.
- Lance Prevort: A LOT bigger?
- Doug Ptolemy: Uhhh-huh.
- Lance Prevort: Dougie, here... Here's five... ten bucks. Buy him somethin' nice, now. And, listen, if he keeps buggin' you, uh, tell 'im that I could, um, maybe let him have the car for the weekends, okay?
- Barth Baggs: Hey, have you heard the news?
- Doug Ptolemy: The coroner's discovered what's in your secret sauce?
- Barth Baggs: As a matter of fact, I may have to move.
- Christine McGlade: Well, it took them long enough but it's nice to see the Board of Health is on the job.
- Doug Ptolemy: You packed our kid sister AND the dog?
- Vanessa Lindores: Oh, don't worry. They're in separate boxes.
- Doug Ptolemy: How's your new house?
- Christine McGlade: Way too big.
- Doug Ptolemy: Whadda ya mean?
- Christine McGlade: Well, okay, if you're in the basement and ya have to... go... sometimes you make it and sometimes you don't, depending in how fast you are.
- Doug Ptolemy: Wow, THAT must be embarrassing. I mean, you're kinda old to be wetting your pants.
- Christine McGlade: Think how embarrassing it is for my dad. He's older than me and he's not as fast.
- Adam Kalbfleisch: [shackled to the dungeon wall when Nasti shuffles in] So what's the matter now?
- Nasti: Oh, it's some guy from the B.D.B. was here and threatened to evict us. I thought we vas gonna have to move.
- Adam Kalbfleisch: The B.D.B.?
- Nasti: Ya, the Better Dungeons Bureau.
- Adam Kalbfleisch: So THAT'S who that guy was.
- Nasti: Yeah.
- Adam Kalbfleisch: What'd he say?
- Nasti: Well, among other things, he said that the prisoners here is too fat and the rats is too skinny.
- Adam Kalbfleisch: Are you kidding? The only difference between the prisoners and the rats around here is the rats have more whiskers and more freedom.
- Nasti: Aw, not only that. Do you know what he told me? He said that my rack didn't meet bureau specifications.
- Adam Kalbfleisch: So what did you do?
- Nasti: [with a stretching gesture] Gave him a little - sqwrk - demonstration.
- Ross Ewich: I'm movin' back into the old apartment. Hey, wait a minute, maybe you kids can help me move. Yeah. Hey, Christine?
- Christine McGlade: Ah, no thanks, Ross. I had a banana on the train.
- Ross Ewich: [as Christine exists] Oh, yeah... How 'bout you, Dougie?
- Doug Ptolemy: Oh, old war wound. Remember? World War II? It was in all the papers.
- Ross Ewich: [as Doug exits limping] Yeah? Well, I'll remember this.
- Announcer: You Can't Do That On Television has been a Very Moving Production. Another show like this and they'll be moving - to another network.