Les Lye: El Capitano, Lance Prevort, Barth Baggs, Ross Ewich, Nasti, Mr. Schidtler, Announcer, Blip, Snake-Eyes

Quotes 

• [the family has all their furniture and belongings in packing boxes] 

  Lance Prevort : Oh, no. Drat.

  Valerie Prevort : What?

  Lance Prevort : [fiddling through his pockets]  Can't find my car keys.

  Adam Kalbfleisch : Oh, don't worry, Dad. It's okay. I packed them.

  Lance Prevort : You packed them?

  Adam Kalbfleisch : Well, you said to pack everything, Dad.

  Lance Prevort : But my car keys? You don't know which box they're in?

  Adam Kalbfleisch : Beats me. They all look the same to me.

  Lance Prevort : [takes a box and tries to open it]  You dummy! Ah, come on! This is gonna take forever!

  Adam Kalbfleisch : Oh, don't worry, Dad. I'll hot-wire it. I'll have it goin' for you in a flash.

  [Adam exits] 

  Lance Prevort : Hot-wire? You know, Valerie... it's kinda nice to know that the schools are finally teaching some practical skills.

• [Flip, roller-skating alongside the school bus, waves to Lisa and Christine until the bus suddenly jerks and he falls out of sight with a cry] 

  Lisa : Snake Eyes, you just ran over Flip!

  Snake Eyes : Flip. Is that that new kid from California?

  Lisa : Yes!

  Snake Eyes : The one who roller-skates and surfboards in the halls?

  Lisa : Yes!

  Snake Eyes : Oh, yeah, he's the one that's always playin' his w-w-walkman, and-and-and-and he wears his sunglasses indoors?

  Lisa : Yes, you just ran over him about a mile back!

  Snake Eyes : It's okay. I got orders from the principal to run over that kid. Now, sit down and shut up!

• Announcer : Mr. Rogers Gets Evicted will not be seen at this time in order that we may bring you a more moving experience.

• Valerie Prevort : Lance, dear?

  Lance Prevort : Yeah?

  Valerie Prevort : DId you tell the real estate agent that you want to sell the house?

  Lance Prevort : I gave him two prices.

  Valerie Prevort : Two prices?

  Lance Prevort : Yeah. One with the kids; one without the kids.

  Valerie Prevort : Oh. How much more with the kids?

  Lance Prevort : No-no... How much MORE? No-no, I told 'im I'd cut the price in half if the kids were included.

  Vanessa Lindores , Doug Ptolemy : [who have been playing noisily]  We heard that!

• Lance Prevort : Well, Dougie, how ya like the new school?

  Doug Ptolemy : The school's all right, but today I ran into the school bully.

  Lance Prevort : Aw, yeah. Those guys think they're so tough.

  Doug Ptolemy : He says that if I don't give him all my lunch money he's gonna come over here and knock YOUR block off.

  Lance Prevort : Oh, yeaaah, yeaaah? Huh! We'll SEE about THAT!

  Doug Ptolemy : Dad?

  Lance Prevort : What?

  Doug Ptolemy : He's a lot bigger than you are.

  Lance Prevort : A LOT bigger?

  Doug Ptolemy : Uhhh-huh.

  Lance Prevort : Dougie, here... Here's five... ten bucks. Buy him somethin' nice, now. And, listen, if he keeps buggin' you, uh, tell 'im that I could, um, maybe let him have the car for the weekends, okay?

• Barth Baggs : Hey, have you heard the news?

  Doug Ptolemy : The coroner's discovered what's in your secret sauce?

• Barth Baggs : As a matter of fact, I may have to move.

  Christine McGlade : Well, it took them long enough but it's nice to see the Board of Health is on the job.

• Adam Kalbfleisch : [shackled to the dungeon wall when Nasti shuffles in]  So what's the matter now?

  Nasti : Oh, it's some guy from the B.D.B. was here and threatened to evict us. I thought we vas gonna have to move.

  Adam Kalbfleisch : The B.D.B.?

  Nasti : Ya, the Better Dungeons Bureau.

  Adam Kalbfleisch : So THAT'S who that guy was.

  Nasti : Yeah.

  Adam Kalbfleisch : What'd he say?

  Nasti : Well, among other things, he said that the prisoners here is too fat and the rats is too skinny.

  Adam Kalbfleisch : Are you kidding? The only difference between the prisoners and the rats around here is the rats have more whiskers and more freedom.

  Nasti : Aw, not only that. Do you know what he told me? He said that my rack didn't meet bureau specifications.

  Adam Kalbfleisch : So what did you do?

  Nasti : [with a stretching gesture]  Gave him a little - sqwrk - demonstration.

• Ross Ewich : I'm movin' back into the old apartment. Hey, wait a minute, maybe you kids can help me move. Yeah. Hey, Christine?

  Christine McGlade : Ah, no thanks, Ross. I had a banana on the train.

  Ross Ewich : [as Christine exists]  Oh, yeah... How 'bout you, Dougie?

  Doug Ptolemy : Oh, old war wound. Remember? World War II? It was in all the papers.

  Ross Ewich : [as Doug exits limping]  Yeah? Well, I'll remember this.

• Announcer : You Can't Do That On Television has been a Very Moving Production. Another show like this and they'll be moving - to another network.