You Can't Do That on Television (TV Series)

Personal Hygiene (1981)

Les Lye: El Capitano, Lance Prevort, Barth Baggs, Ross Ewich, Nasti,Mr. Schidtler, , Announcer, Jackie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Barth Baggs : Dyah, I heard that!

• Nasti : Gebert, your personal hygiene leaves something to be desired.

  Jono Gebert : I know, but who cares? There's nobody in here besides me and the rats.

  Nasti : You know, you're quite right, Gebert - and the rats have been complaining.

  [Nasti drenches Jono with a bucket of water] 

• Mr. Schidtler : Kevin, your personal hygiene habits are deplorable! You are the messiest, kid I have ever seen. And d'you know this? I could look at your shirt and tell you what you had for breakfast this morning.

  Kevin : All right, sir. What did I have for breakfast this morning?

  Mr. Schidtler : Oh-ho! Eggs. Soft-boiled eggs.

  Kevin : Wrong, sir. I think I had soft-boiled eggs about last July.

• Announcer : Jaws Eats Jacques Cousteau will not be shown at this time in order that we may bring you the following special program devoted to bathroom humor.

• Lance Prevort : Kevin? Wha-what're you doing sitting here watching TV? You're supposed to be up takin' a shower.

  Kevin : But, Dad, I take a shower almost every day.

  Lance Prevort : Ah-ha-ha-ha-haa! Don't make me laugh. YOU take a shower ALMOST every day?

  Kevin : It's true. I mean, I almost took one Monday, and I almost took one Tuesday...

• [Lance stands by the front door holding Kevin's boots, clothes, books and school lunch] 

  Lance Prevort : Kevin! Kevin, get down here! Hurry up! Come on!

  [Kevin enters yawning and in his pajamas] 

  Lance Prevort : Come on! Come ON! MOVE! Move. Get goin'! Come on, the school bus is out there.

  Kevin : But, Dad, I'm not dressed.

  Lance Prevort : [handing over Kevin's things]  Never mind. You can dress on the bus.

  Kevin : But, Dad...!

  Lance Prevort : There you go. Now, get goin'. Move, move!

  Kevin : [as he's pushed out the door]  I can't go out there!

  [Lance smacks his fanny...] 

  Kevin : Ow!

  [... and shuts the door] 

• El Capitano : Ready. Aim.

  Jono Gebert : Hold it! Hold it! Wait a minute! Why you shooting me?

  El Capitano : It's for your own good. I hope you understand that.

  Jono Gebert : For my own good?

  El Capitano : Si. Si. It's so you will not be a bad boy in the future.

  Jono Gebert : But if you shoot me, how CAN I be a bad boy in the future?

  El Capitano : See how well it works? Ready! Aim!

  Jono Gebert : B-b-but HOLD it!

  El Capitano : Ohh... What?

  Jono Gebert : If you shoot me, I won't have a chance to be a GOOD boy in the future either.

  El Capitano : Well, no system is perfect.

• Lance Prevort : I used to look exactly like you.

  Kevin : Hey, you know, that's right.

  Lance Prevort : Yeah, yeah. And you know, when you grow up, you're probably gonna look exactly like me.

  Kevin : Where's your gun, Dad.

  Lance Prevort : Hm? Gun?

  Kevin : Yeah. I wanna shoot myself.

• Announcer : You Can't Do That On Television has been a Down The Drain Production.