You Can't Do That on Television (TV Series)

Addictions (1982)

Les Lye: El Capitano, Lance Prevort, Barth Baggs, Ross Ewich, Nasti, Mr. Schidtler, Announcer

Photos 

Quotes 

• Announcer : PacMan Eats General Hospital will not be seen at this time in order that we may bring the following.

• Lisa Ruddy : Why do we eat here?

  Kevin Kubusheskie : I think we're addicted to cat meat.

  Barth Baggs : Dyah, I heard that!

• Lance Prevort : Martin, Martin, the radio! Turn it up. Your mother and I can hear ourselves think.

  Martin Kerr : But, Dad, I like to listen to it soft.

  Lance Prevort : No buts. And, by the way, crank it over to a rock station.

• Lance Prevort : Why can't you go over to the arcade and play Space Invaders, mixing with delinquents the way the other kids do?

• El Capitano : Ready! Aim!

  Kevin Kubusheskie : Wait a minute! Stop the execution!

  El Capitano : What is it this time?

  Kevin Kubusheskie : Don't you think that maybe this could be a little dangerous?

  El Capitano : Dangerous? Ha-ha-ha! "Dangerous!" Ha-ha. Sure! Dangerous for YOU, but not for me. Heh-heh. Amigos... Ready! Aim!

  Kevin Kubusheskie : No, I mean for you.

  El Capitano : Oh-ho, ha-ha-ha! For me, dangerous? Ha-ha-ha-ha. How?

  Kevin Kubusheskie : Don't you think that maybe you're becoming addicted to these executions? How long have you been out here, anyway, trying to shoot someone?

  El Capitano : Oh, a long time.

  Kevin Kubusheskie : That's right. And don't you wake up every morning eager to get out here?

  El Capitano : Ah, heh-heh-hehh, yeah, I suppose so.

  Kevin Kubusheskie : And don't you think that the more people you shoot the more dangerous it becomes?

  El Capitano : Maybe, but, uh, I don't know, what can I do?

  Kevin Kubusheskie : Well, knowing that you're addicted is the first part of the cure, so you're halfway there.

  El Capitano : Oh, good.

  Kevin Kubusheskie : But the second part of the cure is much more difficult, and it is also very important if you are ever to become free of this dangerous addiction of yours.

  El Capitano : [mumbles]  Wait a minute, you've got to tell me what to do. I don't want to be a slave to my addiction.

  Kevin Kubusheskie : Okay, well the first thing you do is you stand here like a prisoner, okay?

  El Capitano : [trading positions with Kevin]  Oh. Well, that's not so hard.

  Kevin Kubusheskie : Okay. And to make you feel like it's real, I have to play YOUR part, okay?

  El Capitano : Okay. Wait. Are you sure this is going to work?

  Kevin Kubusheskie : Oh, yeah. You'll be cured all right. Now, ready! Aim! FIRE!

  [guns fire] 

  Kevin Kubusheskie : I told you you'll be cured.

  El Capitano : [dying]  That's one... sneaky... kid. Sacramento!

• Announcer : [as a Pac-Man image devours Lisa, Christine and Kevin]  You Can't Do That On Television has been an Eat 'Em Up Production.