- Barney: [Anna is reading Barney's letter] Dear Resident,
- Barney: The time we spent together, however long it was, meant the world to me. I would love to see you again, but unfortunately I cannot. You see, I... am a ghost. I can only materialize once every decade, on the anniversary of my death. I chose to spend my one day among the living with you, sweet Resident. Perhaps we will meet again in another decade, provided you keep your figure. Until then, all my love from the beyond. Barney
- Anna: [Barney said his name was Ted Mosby] Barney? Who the hell is Barney?
- Barney: I'm telling you, you should use the architect angle with the ladies...
- Ted: First of all, I have a girlfriend. Second, the architect angle doesn't even work on her. And third, I can't imagine that working on anyone, ever.
- Barney: That's 'cause you're always like,
- [in a mopey, loser-ish voice]
- Barney: 'Ted Mosby, architect'.
- [shrugs shoulders, makes dweeby face]
- Barney: If it were me, I'd be like,
- [speaking in a confident, assertive voice]
- Barney: Ted Mosby, architect.
- [points and pulls trigger on finger gun]
- Barney: Anything sounds impressive when it's said with the right attitude.
- Marshall: [clears throat, confidently] Marshall Erikson, recently dumped and heading to a lame party.
- [looks away to imaginary hot girls]
- Marshall: Whoa, whoa, whoa, ladies, please, take it easy. There's enough of me for everyone.
- [puts arms around two imaginary hot girls]
- Marshall: Hi. Hello.
- [to Ted and Barney]
- Marshall: All right. We're gonna take off.
- Barney: Wait up. I'll leave with you guys. Ted Mosby, architect. Trust me.
- Law Student: [At Marshall's Law school party] Who wants to shave my ass?
- Narrator: That guy went on to become a Supreme Court Justice.
- Robin Scherbatsky: [after hearing Ted went to a club with a girl] Dancing? He went dancing with this girl? Okay, maybe this is a little bad. Dancing is bad. Dancing leads to sex.
- Lily Aldrin: Did you grow up in that Footloose town?
- Marshall: Well, all skyscrapers kinda look like a...
- Ted: Marshall, it's a seventy-eight story pink marble tower with a rounded top and two spherical entryways at the front.
- Marshall: Wow, so it's the whole package.
- Barney: Yeah, you did.
- [fist-bumps Marshall]
- Marshall: Had to.
- Barney: Oh, dude, if they're selling condos you gotta get me in. And don't give me the shaft.
- Marshall: Yeah, you did.
- Barney: Had to.
- [they fist-bump again]
- Ted: It's a travesty! It's gonna define the skyline of the city. If it was me, I could have designed something amazing. Instead, I'm spending twelve hours a day designing the cornices.
- Marshall: Yeah, you did.
- [holds out his fist for a bump]
- Ted: That wasn't one.
- Carl: Hey Lily! Still single?
- Lily Aldrin: Yes.
- Carl: You know, I've poured a lot of free drinks for you over the years. A lot.
- Lily Aldrin: Carl, do you really wanna be with a woman who would trade sex for beer?
- Carl: Only if you're into it.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Back to the sun rising over Ted and, uh... Oh, what tasteful way did you describe her?
- Brad Morris: The girl with the smackable ass.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Yes, that's the young lady.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Do you know how many times I could've cheated on him? Six... no, seven. And you know two of them, and they would surprise you.
- Kara: [after hearing Lily broke up with Marshall] You should sue her.
- Brad Morris: Uh, really? On what ground, Kara?
- Kara: On the grounds of... shut up.
- [Drinks from a keg then throws up]
- Narrator: That's our Attorney General.
- Barney: [In the apartment of the girl barney just hooked up with] Come on, let's go before she gets out of the shower.
- Robin Scherbatsky: You're such a pig. You're not even going to say good-bye?
- Barney: I'll have you know I composed a lovely form letter for use in just such an occasion. Just fill out her name and then...
- [Thinks, trying to remember the girls name]
- Barney: Something with a "A." A... A... I'll just put "resident."
- [Hears the shower shut off]
- Barney: Go, go, go, go!
- Robin Scherbatsky: [Outside nightclub] Excuse me. I'm looking for a couple guys who came in here earlier. One's about six-four, 210, sandy brown hair. And the other's a cheating bastard.
- Bouncer: You're going to need to refresh my memory.
- Lily Aldrin: Okay, fella. Baby knows how this game's played. How's a 20 help your memory?
- [Hands him a 20 dollar bill]
- Bouncer: Thanks, but seriously, it was crazy tonight. You really do need to refresh my memory.
- Lily Aldrin: Oh, Then can I have the...?
- [Tries to take her money back, but the bouncer pockets it]
- Lily Aldrin: That's cool. You keep that.
- Robin Scherbatsky: You know this girl. Where does she live?
- Bouncer: I'm not telling you that for less than 20 bucks.
- Lily Aldrin: Well, I'm out of money.
- Robin Scherbatsky: I'm cashed, too.
- Bouncer: I'll take your purse.
- Robin Scherbatsky: My purse?
- Bouncer: Yeah, my girl likes clutches.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Okay, fine.
- [Takes everything out of her purse then hands it over]
- Lily Aldrin: [to the bouncer] You should tell her that looks really good with a chocolate boot.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Bitch is lucky I brought my small purse. No room for my gun. Here. Now where does the rodeo slut live?
- Bouncer: The building with the green light, apartment 3-C.
- Lily Aldrin: Oh, my God, Robin, are you going to kick this girl's ass?
- Robin Scherbatsky: Yeah... And steal her purse.
- Ted: How was your day?
- Robin Scherbatsky: Good.
- [Walks away]
- Ted: Wow, you're a great interviewer. Aren't you gonna ask how my day was?
- Robin Scherbatsky: No, I know how it was. It was awful.
- [Moves along]
- Robin Scherbatsky: Ooh, you want to rent a movie tonight?
- Ted: You know, um... I listen to your work stories all the time.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Yeah, but... and I don't want to be rude here, but my work stories are interesting. I'm a television news reporter.
- Lily Aldrin: [Cut to Robin and Lily talking at the chiropodist] Robin!
- Robin Scherbatsky: What? I knew exactly what he was going to say. I was just helping him get there faster.
- Lily Aldrin: You should work at a suicide hotline.
- Lily Aldrin: [after hearing Ted invited a girl from the bar to Marshall's law party] He asked her to a party. Oh, my God, are you okay?
- Robin Scherbatsky: Okay? It's awesome. It's a win-win. Ted got to vent and I don't have to hear it. Maybe after he's done with the talkie-talk, he'll come over and I'll get the fun part.
- Lily Aldrin: What is wrong with you? God, I feel like I'm teaching love as a second language here. Okay, you know how when he tells you boring work stories you're supposed to listen? Well, when he picks up some random girl at a bar, you're supposed to freak out.
- Robin Scherbatsky: I'm not freaking out because in my mind, she's fat.
- Paula: She's a kickboxing instructor. Her ass looks better than my face.
- Robin Scherbatsky: All right, we'll swing by the party.
- Brad Morris: [At Marshall's law party] Yo, what's up, ladies? Welcome to the party. Yeah! Just need you to sign this release protecting the host from any and all responsibility should you harm yourself or a third party. Then freakin' rage! Yeah!