- [McGee is messing around with a software program that predicts the features of a couple's child. He combines Tony and Ziva]
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Guys, meet your love child.
- [He produces a picture of a rather ugly baby. Ziva laughs, then shares a look with Tony]
- Officer Ziva David, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [together] Do Gibbs and the Director!
- [Then we see the combination of the two, which to their surprise is a good one]
- Officer Ziva David: Now that's not a bad combination.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Even with Gibbs as a father, I'd date her.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [entering] Never more than once, DiNozzo.
- [Abby enters and sees the picture]
- Abby Sciuto: Aw, you and the Director make nice Gibblets, Gibbs.
- [McGee's complaining about Tony calling him "Probie."]
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: McGee, how long have I been an agent?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Uh, about 16 years.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Want to take a wild guess what my first partner still calls me?
- [Abby and McGee are asleep at their computers]
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [whispers in Abby's ear] Your computer's on fire.
- Abby Sciuto: [wakes up and starts typing furiously] McGee, my baby's french-frying!
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [wakes up and starts typing] Checking internal core temperature!
- [after a few seconds, they both turns around]
- Abby Sciuto: That is so not funny, Gibbs!
- Abby Sciuto: Is it just me or is he acting like a...
- Officer Ziva David: Snitch?
- Abby Sciuto: Close enough. It must be that damn mustache.
- Officer Ziva David: [getting worked up about Tony's recent behavior] Because you have been whining like a little snitch all week!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Uh, I believe the term is "bitch".
- Officer Ziva David: I know! I was just being polite.
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: You should be proud of him.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: DiNozzo?
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: When you left there were some rocky moments. He really held the team together.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It's what I trained him to do.
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I just think you should know he excelled at it.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Then give him his own team Jen.
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: You think he's ready?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I wouldn't have quit if he wasn't.
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: You should tell him that.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh trust me, when DiNozzo thinks he's ready for his own team, you'll know about it. Hell, the whole world will know about it!
- Officer Ziva David: [to a suspect who has grabbed her butt] Remove your hand or I will rip your arm off and beat you to death with it!
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Via radio from MTAC to Ziva at the speed dating event] And do turn up the charm, Ziva David. You're a geek, not mentally deranged.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Don't apologize, DiNozzo.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Right. Sign of weakness.
- Officer Ziva David: Not to mention, annoying.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What's with Gibbs' moustache?
- Officer Ziva David: I think it makes him look dignified.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: But it isn't Gibbs.
- Officer Ziva David: Well, Tony, people change!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: *People* change. Gibbs... doesn't.
- [Tony pulls his gun from his desk at the same moment Gibbs's phone rings]
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Is there a reason you're gearing up?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What's my motto, McGee?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: "Never date a woman that eats more than you do"?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [laughs sardonically, then] Well, that's true... but! "Always be prepared."
- [whispers]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Bat signal may fly at any moment.
- Justin Ferris: I'm not a kidnapper!
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No... you're just a dirtbag that left her there to die.
- Officer Ziva David: [On her first speed date] I like computers. And, that stuff... you do... with the yarn.
- Larry West: Knitting?
- Officer Ziva David: Yes!
- [a witness has given a not-very-helpful description of a suspect]
- Officer Ziva David: Not good enough. You grabbed my ass, Cal!
- [about the speed-dating event]
- Calvin Hopper: Well, the first night, I struck out...
- Officer Ziva David: [deadpan] Shocking.