South Park (TV Series)

Make Love, Not Warcraft (2006)

Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Randy Marsh, Blizzard Employee, Blizzard Board Member #1, Blizzard Board Member #3, Jim, Blizzard Board Member #4, Jimmy Valmer, Clyde, Timmy, Blizzard Board Memeber #5, Warcraft Player #1

Photos 

Quotes 

• Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : I don't play world of warcraft...

  Eric Cartman : Butters, you said that you're on your computer all the time.

  Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : Yeah, but I'm playing hello kitty island adventure!

  Eric Cartman : Ugh... Butters, go buy world of warcraft, install it on your computer, and join the online sensation before we all murder you!

  Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : O-oh... Al-alright then!

• Eric Cartman : [shouting at Stan, Kyle, and Kenny playing basketball]  What the hell are you guys doing? Don't tell me you all quit playing World of Warcraft, too?

  Stan Marsh : Dude, we're done! We're sick of getting killed all the time!

  Eric Cartman : Guys! When things look bad you can't just give up on the World... of Warcraft...

  Kyle : We don't have a choice, dude. That guy killed our characters 14 times.

  Eric Cartman : I have a solution, you guys. That guy can kill us so easily because he's a super-highlevel, right? But if we were super-highlevel, too...?

  Stan Marsh : We can't get to a higher level because that dude doesn't let us finish quests!

  Eric Cartman : That's why we need to just log in and stay in the forest, killing boars...

  Kyle : [looking at Cartman in disbelief]  Boars...?

  Eric Cartman : There's lots of computer-generated boars in Warcraft that die with just one blow...

  Kyle : [trying to convice Cartman to give it up]  Dude! Boars are only worth two experience points a piece. Do you know how many we would have to kill to get up 30 levels?

  Eric Cartman : [pulls out a piece of paper]  Yes. 65,340,285, which should take us 7 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours and 20 minutes, giving ourselves 3 hours a night to sleep. What do you say, guys? You can jus... you can just hang outside in the sun all day tossing a ball around. Or you can sit at your computer and do something that matters...

• Eric Cartman : You can just hang around outside in the sun all day, tossing a ball around, or you can sit at your computer and do something that matters!

• Eric Cartman : [about to get killed in World of Warcraft]  No! I don't want have to start over in the graveyard!

• [the four World of Warcraft characters walk through the land of Azeroth] 

  Cartman : I am the mightiest dwarf in all of Azeroth!

  Kyle : [female mage]  Wow, look at all these people playing right now.

  Cartman : Yeah, it's bullcrap. I'll bet half of these people are Koreans.

  Stan : [stops and motions]  Oh crap! It's *that* guy again!

  [a rogue griefer approaches them and begins to dance, wearing a helmet, boots, elbow-length gloves and tight shorts] 

  Kyle : Who is this?

  Stan : This is the guy that kept killing us after you went to bed!

  Cartman : [angry at the griefer]  Get out of here, asshole!

  Stan : He's a way higher level than us. It isn't fair.

  Kyle : It's all right. He can't kill us unless we agree to duel.

  [the griefer's character stabs Kenny the hunter, killing him instantly] 

  Stan : [shocked]  Oh my God, he killed Kenny!

  Kyle : [in a soft feminine voice, making a fist and holding it up for emphasis]  You bastard!

  [the griefer kills both Kyle the mage and Stan the warrior] 

  Cartman : [furious at the griefer]  Don't you have better things to do than going online killing people?

  [the griefer begins generating mana power] 

  Cartman : [running off]  No! I don't want to start over at the graveyard!

  [the griefer shoots a fireball at Cartman the dwarf] 

  Cartman : No!

  [the fireball hits Cartman, killing him instantly; at his room, Cartman looks stunned and throws down his headset] 

  Cartman : That son of a bitch!

  Kyle : [scene shifts to Gerald's den]  Who is that guy?

  [scene shifts to Randy's den] 

  Stan : [head resting on left hand]  Whoever he is, he is one tough badass.

• [scenes from World of Warcraft are shown; various beings mill around, then the camera pans down and a red-bearded dwarf with a mallet walks into view] 

  Cartman : [the dwarf]  Oh, dude! I just took the biggest crap. Hey, where are you guys?

  Kyle : [voice only]  We're over here, by the cart.

  [POV switches to other characters; a blue warrior, a female green mage and an orange hunter stand around waiting for the dwarf, who walks into the group] 

  Cartman : Okay, I'm back.

  Stan : [the blue warrior with a sword and shield]  Dude! We've been waiting forever!

  Cartman : Well, I'm sorry, I had to take a dump!

  Kyle : [the female green mage]  If you didn't eat so much, you wouldn't have diarrhea all the time, fatass!

  Cartman : Hey, I don't need to take any lip from a frickin' girl!

  Kenny : [the orange hunter, muffled]  I think Kyle has fake titties, ha ha!

  Cartman : [laughing]  Totally, heheh.

  Kyle : Come on, we have to finish the quest in Stonehaven.

  [his character walks off, and the others follow her] 

  Randy Marsh : [voice only]  Stan?

  [Stan stops] 

  Randy Marsh : Staaan?

  Stan : Hang on, guys, my dad wants something.

  [Stan's character waits for his father Randy to show up] 

• [the team of World of Warcraft characters face off against the rogue griefer, who starts killing them off with his summoned scorpions] 

  Randy Marsh : [Valkorn the blond warrior, arriving]  Hey, Stan, can I play with you guys?

  [Stan's character turns around] 

  Stan : [surprised]  Dad?

  Randy Marsh : Yeah, I'm playing from the office.

  Stan : [angry]  Dad, get off our teamspeak line!

  [Valkorn walks off, and the griefer kills Token the black rogue] 

  Token : [angry]  That's it, I'm dead!

  [the griefer kills Stan the warrior] 

  Stan : [throws off his headset]  That's it, screw this game!

  Cartman : [backing away]  Now, leave me alone, don't do that...

  [the griefer electrocutes Cartman the dwarf with his dagger through the mallet, killing him and skipping away] 

  Cartman : [furiously throws off his headset]  God-fucking-dammit!

  [meanwhile in the apartment, the griefer just keeps plugging along] 

• [back in battle, the griefer sees Stan the warrior about to get the Sword of a Thousand Truths from Valkorn] 

  Cartman : [the dwarf, alarmed and turning to Stan]  Stan, what the hell are you doing?

  [the griefer runs to Stan and Valkorn, about to strike them] 

  Stan : [clutching the new sword]  I got it!

  [the griefer stabs Valkorn, who screams in pain] 

  Stan : [shocked]  Dad!

  Randy Marsh : [Valkorn the warrior, moaning]  Stan...

  [he falls down face first] 

  Stan : Dad, no!

  [he turns around to face the griefer] 

  Stan : You killed my father!

  [he walks up to the griefer and strikes him with one blow of the sword; the griefer's defenses start to crack] 

  Cartman : His shield and armor spells are down!

  Kyle : [female mage]  Attack!

  [Kenny the hunter shoots an arrow into the griefer's chest; the griefer picks up Stan's old sword and Kyle fires an energy ball at the griefer, disabling him and having him fall to the ground on all fours] 

  Cartman : [approaching the griefer's character]  Looks like you're about to get powned.

  [he swings back and pulls the mallet forward] 

  Cartman : Heeyahh!

  [the mallet smashes the head of the griefer's character into bits, while the griefer, in his apartment, is shocked that he is out of the game for good] 

• Eric Cartman : We've learned the the four of us can't fight him alone, but if we all log in together, we might have a chance.

  Token : Hey yeah!

  Jimmy Volmer : We can really stick to that ass... munch.

  Clyde : Are you guys dumb? We can't beat him. Not even with all of us, it's a waste of time.

  Stan Marsh : Dude, we have to try.

  Clyde : I've got better things to do.

  Eric Cartman : Clyde, Clyde, if you had the chance right now to go back in time and stop Hitler, wouldn't you do it? I mean, I personally wouldn't; however, because I think it was awesome, but you would, right?

  Clyde : I'm just gonna stop playing.

  Eric Cartman : When Hitler rose to power, a lot of people just stopped playing. And you know who those people were? The French. Are you French, Clyde?

  Clyde : No.

  Eric Cartman : Voulez-vous cous chez avec-moi, Clyde?

  Clyde : Alright, alright, I'll do it.

  Jimmy Volmer : So what's the plan?

  Eric Cartman : Alright, log in tonight on your computers at precisely 7:30. We will meet here, near the planes of the Elwin Forest near West Fall. My friends, to victory!

• [a group of World of Warcraft characters are planning to defeat the griefer; Cartman the dwarf is marshaling his forces] 

  Cartman : All right, you guys, this is it! When the attack begins, all warriors click on Defensive Stance. Everyone else, wait for Craig to cast his Intellect Buff.

  Token : [black human rogue]  Okay.

  Craig : [Gnome mage]  Got it.

  Cartman : The battle is sure to be long, so make sure you have all your special abilities macroed to your keyboards.

  Jimmy Volmer : [Night Elf hunter with a beard]  All right, Eric. You can c-c-count on us.

  Timmy : [human priest]  Tim-maahh!

  Cartman : This shall be a day for all to remember! Let us bravely charge the fields of Azeroth! From with...

  Butters : [arrives in the same dwarf form as Cartman's]  Hey fellas!

  [Cartman's dwarf looks over, surprised] 

  Butters : Boy, this is neato, huh?

  Cartman : Butters? What the hell are you doing?

  Butters : I got World of Warcraft, like you said.

  Cartman : [angry]  You can't be the dwarf character, Butters, I'm the dwarf.

  Butters : Well, there's like only four races to choose from...

  Cartman : [shouts]  So pick another one! I'm the dwarf, you stupid asshole! Log out, create a new character, and log back in!

  Butters : [walks off grumbling]  I like Hello Kitty Island Adventure a lot more than this stuff.

  Stan : [warrior]  Come on, let's do this!

  Clyde : [second Night Elf hunter]  Yeah, my mom says I have to be in bed at 9:30.

  Cartman : [turns around and leads]  Then let's move out!

  [the others charge after him] 

• [the World of Warcraft characters have just defeated the griefer; Stan the warrior throws away the Sword of a Thousand Truths and walks up to his father's dying character] 

  Stan : [shaking Randy]  Dad? Dad?

  Randy Marsh : [Valkorn the warrior, answering]  Staaan.

  [falters a bit, but Stan holds him up] 

  Randy Marsh : I've never been able to say this before, but... I love you, son.

  Stan : I know you do, Dad.

  [Valkorn swats Stan's hand away, then moans a bit and dies] 

• [the World of Warcraft characters are fighting the griefer without stop] 

  Cartman : [dwarf]  Kyle! Fire spell!

  Kyle : [female mage, about to cast a spell]  Aaaa...

  [starts generating the spell, but it abruptly goes out] 

  Kyle : Ah! Huh?

  [she grabs her right wrist with her left hand] 

  Stan : [warrior, shocked]  Kyle!

  [back at Cartman's basement, Kyle leaves his desk and grabs his right hand, flexing his right wrist around; Stan leaves his desk and approaches] 

  Stan : Kyle! Dude, what's wrong?

  Kyle : Carpal tunnel! Carpal tunnel! It's... uuugh!

  [pain shoots through his wrist as he continues flexing it and stretching his fingers] 

  Stan : Oh, Jesus, he got it bad!

  Cartman : [walks over]  Wait, we need Ben-Gay.

  [waddles over to Kenny's desk and pulls out a tube of the stuff, then walks back, squirts some of it onto Kyle's wrist, and rubs it in] 

  Stan : Hurry, dude!

  Cartman : I'm going as fast as I can!

  Stan : Kyle, you have to keep playing.

  Kyle : I can't. Just leave me behind.

  Stan : We can't do this without you now! Come on!

  [he and Cartman help Kyle back into his computer] 

• [the boys are still playing in Cartman's basement] 

  Stan : Dude, I'm almost dead.

  Cartman : Kyle, cast Arcane Missle.

  Kyle : I'm out of Mana, I told you.

  [back at the game, Stan the warrior pulls further away from the battle with the griefer] 

  Stan : I've gotta heal.

  [he turns around to see the battle] 

  Randy Marsh : [voice only]  Stan!

  [Stan the warrior looks around trying to determine where the voice is coming from, then turns around to see Randy's character Valkorn running toward him] 

  Stan : Dad? Not now!

  Randy Marsh : [Valkorn the warrior]  Stan! I've been sent here... to bring you this.

  [he holds the Sword of a Thousand Truths aloft] 

  Randy Marsh : This sword can completely drain his Mana.

  Stan : Dad, how did you get that?

  Randy Marsh : No time! Just take it! Here!

  [he finds that the sword stays fixed to his left hand] 

  Randy Marsh : ...How... how do you hand something from one player to another?

  Stan : Bring up your inventory screen: Control-I...

  Randy Marsh : Okay.

  [Stan throws away his old sword to get the new one] 

• Nelson : Randy, you working on that sediment analysis?

  Randy Marsh : Now now, Nelson. I just joined a big party of Night Elves and we're going to go and explore the Tower of Azora together.

  Nelson : Is that a computer game?

  Randy Marsh : No, r-tard, it's an MMORPG. These are real people I'm playing with. See, I'm a hunter, level 2. I can chat with all these other people. I can even wave to this guy, see?

  [waves] 

  Randy Marsh : Hello! In the outside world, I am a simple geologist... but in here, I am Valkorn, Defender of the Alliance. I have braved the Fargo Deep Mine, and defeated the Blood Fish at Jarod's Landing.

  [griefer appears and kills Randy's character] 

  Nelson : Hmm. Looks like that guy just killed you.

  Randy Marsh : What? Why? WHY?

• Randy Marsh : Stan! Stan!

  Stan Marsh : Hang on guys, my dad wants something.

  Randy Marsh : Stan!

  Stan Marsh : What?

  Stan Marsh : You've been on your computer all weekend. Shouldn't you go out and socialize with your friends?

  Stan Marsh : I am socializing r-tard! I'm logged on to an MMORPG, with people from all over the world and getting XP with my party using teamspeak.

  [pause] 

  Randy Marsh : [hurt]  I'm not an r-tard.

• Randy Marsh : Stan? Stan? Stan!

  Stan Marsh : What?

  Randy Marsh : You've been on your computer all weekend. Shouldn't you go on socialize with your friends?

  Stan Marsh : I am socializing, r-tard! I'm logged onto to an MMORPG with people from all over the world and getting XP with my party using team speak.

  [beat] 

  Randy Marsh : [dejected]  I'm not a r-tard.