South Park (TV Series)
Make Love, Not Warcraft (2006)
Matt Stone: Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, Blizzard Board Member #2, Nelson, Craig, Tweek, Butters Stotch, Computer Store Clerk
Photos
Quotes
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Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : I don't play world of warcraft...
Eric Cartman : Butters, you said that you're on your computer all the time.
Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : Yeah, but I'm playing hello kitty island adventure!
Eric Cartman : Ugh... Butters, go buy world of warcraft, install it on your computer, and join the online sensation before we all murder you!
Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : O-oh... Al-alright then!
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Eric Cartman : [shouting at Stan, Kyle, and Kenny playing basketball] What the hell are you guys doing? Don't tell me you all quit playing World of Warcraft, too?
Stan Marsh : Dude, we're done! We're sick of getting killed all the time!
Eric Cartman : Guys! When things look bad you can't just give up on the World... of Warcraft...
Kyle : We don't have a choice, dude. That guy killed our characters 14 times.
Eric Cartman : I have a solution, you guys. That guy can kill us so easily because he's a super-highlevel, right? But if we were super-highlevel, too...?
Stan Marsh : We can't get to a higher level because that dude doesn't let us finish quests!
Eric Cartman : That's why we need to just log in and stay in the forest, killing boars...
Kyle : [looking at Cartman in disbelief] Boars...?
Eric Cartman : There's lots of computer-generated boars in Warcraft that die with just one blow...
Kyle : [trying to convice Cartman to give it up] Dude! Boars are only worth two experience points a piece. Do you know how many we would have to kill to get up 30 levels?
Eric Cartman : [pulls out a piece of paper] Yes. 65,340,285, which should take us 7 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours and 20 minutes, giving ourselves 3 hours a night to sleep. What do you say, guys? You can jus... you can just hang outside in the sun all day tossing a ball around. Or you can sit at your computer and do something that matters...
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[the four World of Warcraft characters walk through the land of Azeroth]
Cartman : I am the mightiest dwarf in all of Azeroth!
Kyle : [female mage] Wow, look at all these people playing right now.
Cartman : Yeah, it's bullcrap. I'll bet half of these people are Koreans.
Stan : [stops and motions] Oh crap! It's *that* guy again!
[a rogue griefer approaches them and begins to dance, wearing a helmet, boots, elbow-length gloves and tight shorts]
Kyle : Who is this?
Stan : This is the guy that kept killing us after you went to bed!
Cartman : [angry at the griefer] Get out of here, asshole!
Stan : He's a way higher level than us. It isn't fair.
Kyle : It's all right. He can't kill us unless we agree to duel.
[the griefer's character stabs Kenny the hunter, killing him instantly]
Stan : [shocked] Oh my God, he killed Kenny!
Kyle : [in a soft feminine voice, making a fist and holding it up for emphasis] You bastard!
[the griefer kills both Kyle the mage and Stan the warrior]
Cartman : [furious at the griefer] Don't you have better things to do than going online killing people?
[the griefer begins generating mana power]
Cartman : [running off] No! I don't want to start over at the graveyard!
[the griefer shoots a fireball at Cartman the dwarf]
Cartman : No!
[the fireball hits Cartman, killing him instantly; at his room, Cartman looks stunned and throws down his headset]
Cartman : That son of a bitch!
Kyle : [scene shifts to Gerald's den] Who is that guy?
[scene shifts to Randy's den]
Stan : [head resting on left hand] Whoever he is, he is one tough badass.
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[scenes from World of Warcraft are shown; various beings mill around, then the camera pans down and a red-bearded dwarf with a mallet walks into view]
Cartman : [the dwarf] Oh, dude! I just took the biggest crap. Hey, where are you guys?
Kyle : [voice only] We're over here, by the cart.
[POV switches to other characters; a blue warrior, a female green mage and an orange hunter stand around waiting for the dwarf, who walks into the group]
Cartman : Okay, I'm back.
Stan : [the blue warrior with a sword and shield] Dude! We've been waiting forever!
Cartman : Well, I'm sorry, I had to take a dump!
Kyle : [the female green mage] If you didn't eat so much, you wouldn't have diarrhea all the time, fatass!
Cartman : Hey, I don't need to take any lip from a frickin' girl!
Kenny : [the orange hunter, muffled] I think Kyle has fake titties, ha ha!
Cartman : [laughing] Totally, heheh.
Kyle : Come on, we have to finish the quest in Stonehaven.
[his character walks off, and the others follow her]
Randy Marsh : [voice only] Stan?
[Stan stops]
Randy Marsh : Staaan?
Stan : Hang on, guys, my dad wants something.
[Stan's character waits for his father Randy to show up]
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[back in battle, the griefer sees Stan the warrior about to get the Sword of a Thousand Truths from Valkorn]
Cartman : [the dwarf, alarmed and turning to Stan] Stan, what the hell are you doing?
[the griefer runs to Stan and Valkorn, about to strike them]
Stan : [clutching the new sword] I got it!
[the griefer stabs Valkorn, who screams in pain]
Stan : [shocked] Dad!
Randy Marsh : [Valkorn the warrior, moaning] Stan...
[he falls down face first]
Stan : Dad, no!
[he turns around to face the griefer]
Stan : You killed my father!
[he walks up to the griefer and strikes him with one blow of the sword; the griefer's defenses start to crack]
Cartman : His shield and armor spells are down!
Kyle : [female mage] Attack!
[Kenny the hunter shoots an arrow into the griefer's chest; the griefer picks up Stan's old sword and Kyle fires an energy ball at the griefer, disabling him and having him fall to the ground on all fours]
Cartman : [approaching the griefer's character] Looks like you're about to get powned.
[he swings back and pulls the mallet forward]
Cartman : Heeyahh!
[the mallet smashes the head of the griefer's character into bits, while the griefer, in his apartment, is shocked that he is out of the game for good]
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[a group of World of Warcraft characters are planning to defeat the griefer; Cartman the dwarf is marshaling his forces]
Cartman : All right, you guys, this is it! When the attack begins, all warriors click on Defensive Stance. Everyone else, wait for Craig to cast his Intellect Buff.
Token : [black human rogue] Okay.
Craig : [Gnome mage] Got it.
Cartman : The battle is sure to be long, so make sure you have all your special abilities macroed to your keyboards.
Jimmy Volmer : [Night Elf hunter with a beard] All right, Eric. You can c-c-count on us.
Timmy : [human priest] Tim-maahh!
Cartman : This shall be a day for all to remember! Let us bravely charge the fields of Azeroth! From with...
Butters : [arrives in the same dwarf form as Cartman's] Hey fellas!
[Cartman's dwarf looks over, surprised]
Butters : Boy, this is neato, huh?
Cartman : Butters? What the hell are you doing?
Butters : I got World of Warcraft, like you said.
Cartman : [angry] You can't be the dwarf character, Butters, I'm the dwarf.
Butters : Well, there's like only four races to choose from...
Cartman : [shouts] So pick another one! I'm the dwarf, you stupid asshole! Log out, create a new character, and log back in!
Butters : [walks off grumbling] I like Hello Kitty Island Adventure a lot more than this stuff.
Stan : [warrior] Come on, let's do this!
Clyde : [second Night Elf hunter] Yeah, my mom says I have to be in bed at 9:30.
Cartman : [turns around and leads] Then let's move out!
[the others charge after him]
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[the World of Warcraft characters are fighting the griefer without stop]
Cartman : [dwarf] Kyle! Fire spell!
Kyle : [female mage, about to cast a spell] Aaaa...
[starts generating the spell, but it abruptly goes out]
Kyle : Ah! Huh?
[she grabs her right wrist with her left hand]
Stan : [warrior, shocked] Kyle!
[back at Cartman's basement, Kyle leaves his desk and grabs his right hand, flexing his right wrist around; Stan leaves his desk and approaches]
Stan : Kyle! Dude, what's wrong?
Kyle : Carpal tunnel! Carpal tunnel! It's... uuugh!
[pain shoots through his wrist as he continues flexing it and stretching his fingers]
Stan : Oh, Jesus, he got it bad!
Cartman : [walks over] Wait, we need Ben-Gay.
[waddles over to Kenny's desk and pulls out a tube of the stuff, then walks back, squirts some of it onto Kyle's wrist, and rubs it in]
Stan : Hurry, dude!
Cartman : I'm going as fast as I can!
Stan : Kyle, you have to keep playing.
Kyle : I can't. Just leave me behind.
Stan : We can't do this without you now! Come on!
[he and Cartman help Kyle back into his computer]
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[the boys are still playing in Cartman's basement]
Stan : Dude, I'm almost dead.
Cartman : Kyle, cast Arcane Missle.
Kyle : I'm out of Mana, I told you.
[back at the game, Stan the warrior pulls further away from the battle with the griefer]
Stan : I've gotta heal.
[he turns around to see the battle]
Randy Marsh : [voice only] Stan!
[Stan the warrior looks around trying to determine where the voice is coming from, then turns around to see Randy's character Valkorn running toward him]
Stan : Dad? Not now!
Randy Marsh : [Valkorn the warrior] Stan! I've been sent here... to bring you this.
[he holds the Sword of a Thousand Truths aloft]
Randy Marsh : This sword can completely drain his Mana.
Stan : Dad, how did you get that?
Randy Marsh : No time! Just take it! Here!
[he finds that the sword stays fixed to his left hand]
Randy Marsh : ...How... how do you hand something from one player to another?
Stan : Bring up your inventory screen: Control-I...
Randy Marsh : Okay.
[Stan throws away his old sword to get the new one]