Monk (TV Series)
Mr. Monk Goes to a Rock Concert (2006)
Ted Levine: Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Photos
Quotes
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Natalie Teeger : [after Monk offers to help Stottlemeyer out] I'm sorry. I just can't picture you at one of these.
Adrian Monk : What are you talking about? I used to go all the time. Get a bus into the city and see the Stones.
[Cuts to Monk, Natalie and Stottlemeyer walking through the parking lot]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Look at this mess! Oh for God's sakes it's gonna take me all day to find him here! I'm gonna miss a whole day's work! An entire day! Gonna wring his neck!
Natalie Teeger : Captain, he's just a kid! Don't you just want to stay out here for a minute and calm down...
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : No!
Adrian Monk : Whoa, whoa, hold on. What kind of rock show is this?
Natalie Teeger : It's the biggest festival of the year!
Adrian Monk : Festival?
Natalie Teeger : [blushes] Whoa-whoa-whoa, Mr. Monk, you thought they were real rocks? Like a geology exhibit, like a museum?
Adrian Monk : Maybe. Perfectly understandable mistake.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : No, not really.
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Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : OK, I give up. What is it?
Natalie Teeger : It's a $34 dry cleaning bill to clean the shirt and jacket that Mr. Monk ruined when he ran through the poultry farm to recover the ransom money in the Jimmy Creskow kidnapping case. What are you going to do about it?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Try to ignore it.
Natalie Teeger : No-no-no-no. We've already submitted this twice. It is a work-related expense, and we are entitled to compensation.
Adrian Monk : Not my idea.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Look, I couldn't agree with you more. I believe you guys are entitled to every dime you can get. But there's nothing I can do about it. Lieutenant Disher is the disbursement coordinator.
Natalie Teeger : Okay, where is he?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Uh, he's not here. He called in sick.
Adrian Monk : Is he okay?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : You know, he didn't sound too good. He's got a bad fever and he's got a cough.
Adrian Monk : With that phlegmy flu thing?
Natalie Teeger : Okay, if Randy isn't here, who is in charge of payout?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : That would be the assistant disbursement coordinator.
Natalie Teeger : And who is that?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : We don't have one. Is there anything else?
Adrian Monk : No, that about covers it.
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[Stottlemeyer notices that Randy faked being sick to go to the Band Jam. He gets out his cell phone and calls Randy from a few feet away. Randy answers]
Lt. Randall Disher : [feigning illness] Hello?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Hey, Randy? How are you doing, buddy? I was worried about you.
Lt. Randall Disher : Captain?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Yep?
Lt. Randall Disher : [coughs] What time is it?
[the expression on his face suggests that Stottlemeyer is very unconvinced, but he pretends that he is]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Oh I'm sorry! Did I wake you up? Hey what's that music I hear?
Lt. Randall Disher : Oh, it's my stereo! It's broken. I can't turn it down.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : It's loud!
Lt. Randall Disher : Listen, Captain, thanks for calling.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Sure...
Lt. Randall Disher : I'm going to get up now and make myself some soup.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Soup is good, fluids are good. Drink plenty of fluids.
Lt. Randall Disher : Fluids, all right, thanks for calling, Captain.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Take care.
[Randy hangs up, turns to a woman next to him and says]
Lt. Randall Disher : My boss!
[He laughs, until Stottlemeyer puts his hand on Randy's shoulder and he wheels around]
Lt. Randall Disher : Whoa. Captain.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Lieutenant.
Lt. Randall Disher : Did you, uh, did you call in sick, too?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : No, Randy. I'm looking for Jared.
Lt. Randall Disher : Well, here's what happened with me: I was on my way to a doctor, and uh... I got nothing. Let's go find Jared.
[Takes a sip from his beer bottle before putting it down and walking away with Stottlemeyer]
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[Stottlemeyer opens the outhouse door to look inside]
Annoyed Girl in Line : How long are you going to be?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : As long as it takes, miss. This is a crime scene.
Annoyed Girl in Line : With only one cop?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Uh, no, it's not just me. You see that guy up there on the hill?
[points to Monk, up on the hillside]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : He's a cop. And this guy here is a police officer.
[points to Disher]
Lt. Randall Disher : Oh these guys are great. Oh, I hope they do 'Killer Machine.'
[calls out]
Lt. Randall Disher : KILLER MACHINE!
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Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : [imagines that he is having a conversation with Natalie] What? You think I don't spend enough time with Jared. Why, because I haven't got a bunch of pictures of him? Doesn't mean anything. How many pictures of Julie do you walk around with? Oh, I get it. You think I'm avoiding the boys on purpose because I feel guilty about the separation and the fact that I'm dating Linda, is that it? Don't you ever shut up? All right, you go that way. Keep your cell phone on. Give me a call if you find him.
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Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : [over walkie-talkie] He says it was locked and bolted from the outside.
Adrian Monk : [over walkie-talkie, standing on the hillside] They could have rigged the lock. Over.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Yeah. You know it would help a lot if you stood a little closer.
Adrian Monk : That's not going to happen. Over.
Kendra Frank : [to Natalie] So is this how he does it? From 100 feet away?
Natalie Teeger : Not all the time.
[Stottlemeyer opens the door of the port-a-john to look inside]
Annoyed Girl in Line : How long are you going to be?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : As long as it takes, miss. This is a crime scene.
Annoyed Girl in Line : With only one cop?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Uh, no, it's not just me. You see that guy up there on the hill? He's a cop.
[points to Monk on the hillside]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : And this guy here is a police officer.
Lt. Randall Disher : Oh these guys are great! Oh I hope they do "Killer Machine!"
[calls out]
Lt. Randall Disher : KILLER MACHINE!
[Natalie and Kendra Frank look unimpressed]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : [to Monk, over walkie-talkie] Uh, I'm checking out the lock here. There are some scratches.
Adrian Monk : Are they recent? Over.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Yeah, there's no rust.
[He finds a piece of wire]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I've got a little piece of wire here.
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Adrian Monk : [over walkie-talkie] Okay, isn't there a vent, on the right side up near the roof? Over.
[Stottlemeyer looks over there]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Yeah, Roger that. About four and a half feet above the lock.
Adrian Monk : He must have been killed somewhere else. They put the body inside, tied the wire around the bolt...
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : ...and ran the wire through the vent so they could lock the door from the outside.
Adrian Monk : Yeah, you didn't wait for me to say "Over." Hello? Over.
[no response]
Adrian Monk : Over. Over. I'm saying "over."