Monk (TV Series)

Mr. Monk Goes to a Rock Concert (2006)

Tony Shalhoub: Adrian Monk

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Monk reaches out to touch a heat lamp while leaving the acupuncture tent] 

  Natalie Teeger : Mr. Monk, no! No-no-no-no! That's 400 watts!

  [Monk pulls his hand away before he touches the superhot bulb. But as he starts walking away, he turns around and reaches back for the bulb. Natalie attempts to restrain his right arm. Monk resorts to touching the lamp with his left pointer finger] 

  Adrian Monk : Ow!

  [after burning his left finger, Monk is sure to touch it again with his right finger so that his hands are even] 

• Adrian Monk : [attempting to make an announcement from the stage]  I know. It's true, I am a straight. But I have a dream. A dream that someday, all the hippies and all the straights will live together side by side... not too close, you know, because of the smell...

• Natalie Teeger : [after Monk offers to help Stottlemeyer out]  I'm sorry. I just can't picture you at one of these.

  Adrian Monk : What are you talking about? I used to go all the time. Get a bus into the city and see the Stones.

  [Cuts to Monk, Natalie and Stottlemeyer walking through the parking lot] 

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Look at this mess! Oh for God's sakes it's gonna take me all day to find him here! I'm gonna miss a whole day's work! An entire day! Gonna wring his neck!

  Natalie Teeger : Captain, he's just a kid! Don't you just want to stay out here for a minute and calm down...

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : No!

  Adrian Monk : Whoa, whoa, hold on. What kind of rock show is this?

  Natalie Teeger : It's the biggest festival of the year!

  Adrian Monk : Festival?

  Natalie Teeger : [blushes]  Whoa-whoa-whoa, Mr. Monk, you thought they were real rocks? Like a geology exhibit, like a museum?

  Adrian Monk : Maybe. Perfectly understandable mistake.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : No, not really.

• Natalie Teeger : I'm sorry. I just can't picture you at one of these.

  Adrian Monk : What are you talking about? I used to go all the time. Get a bus into the city and see the Stones.

• Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : OK, I give up. What is it?

  Natalie Teeger : It's a $34 dry cleaning bill to clean the shirt and jacket that Mr. Monk ruined when he ran through the poultry farm to recover the ransom money in the Jimmy Creskow kidnapping case. What are you going to do about it?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Try to ignore it.

  Natalie Teeger : No-no-no-no. We've already submitted this twice. It is a work-related expense, and we are entitled to compensation.

  Adrian Monk : Not my idea.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Look, I couldn't agree with you more. I believe you guys are entitled to every dime you can get. But there's nothing I can do about it. Lieutenant Disher is the disbursement coordinator.

  Natalie Teeger : Okay, where is he?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Uh, he's not here. He called in sick.

  Adrian Monk : Is he okay?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : You know, he didn't sound too good. He's got a bad fever and he's got a cough.

  Adrian Monk : With that phlegmy flu thing?

  Natalie Teeger : Okay, if Randy isn't here, who is in charge of payout?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : That would be the assistant disbursement coordinator.

  Natalie Teeger : And who is that?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : We don't have one. Is there anything else?

  Adrian Monk : No, that about covers it.

• Adrian Monk : [to some concertgoers, whose blue beachball has gone astray and hit him twice]  Cornea was scratched, or bruised, or discoloration! I'm next for the phone!

  [Monk unknowingly walks into a port-a-john instead of the payphone that is a few feet to the right. He is inside there for a few minutes, and then he comes out refreshed. Natalie spots him from a few feet away] 

  Natalie Teeger : Oh!

  [She walks over] 

  Natalie Teeger : Mr. Monk! What are you doing?

  Adrian Monk : [still thinking that the outhouse was a "pay phone"]  I was just calling for a taxi. They're gonna pick me up out front in about ten minutes.

  Natalie Teeger : But, Mr. Monk, that *wasn't* a phone booth!

  Adrian Monk : [muttering to himself]  You're right. No, that wasn't a phone booth. Natalie, it was a horrible *plastic* outhouse! Oh, my god. What was I talking into?

  [Natalie starts to walk Monk away from the row of outhouses. On the fifth is an "Out of Order" sign, and a maintenance man is trying to break open the lock] 

  Adrian Monk : Oh, my god! Where -where did I put that quarter? For the love of god, Natalie, where did I put that quarter?

  [Suddenly, the maintenance man breaks open the lock. The door swings open, and out tumbles Stork's dead body. Natalie briefly recoils] 

  Natalie Teeger : [gasps]  Oh my God!

  [a woman is heard screaming in the background, and a crowd of onlookers is attracted to the body] 

• Adrian Monk : You are Kris Kedder, the famous rock and roll song singer?

  [Several of the women behind Kedder crack up] 

  Kris Kedder : I guess I am.

• Adrian Monk : You have mud on your boots.

  Kris Kedder : [lifts up his foot, revealing that he does have mud on his boots]  Yes, I do. I must be at a rock festival.

  Adrian Monk : It's just that I don't see mud on anybody else's shoes.

  Kris Kedder : I see some on yours.

  [Monk lifts up his foot and realizes that he has mud as well] 

  Adrian Monk : [to Kendra]  You were going to show me Stork's trailer?

• Adrian Monk : [shows Kedder the guitar string]  This was found at the crime scene. It is from a 12 string guitar.

  Natalie Teeger : You're the only musician that has one.

  Roadie : So what are you saying? That Stork was strangled?

  Adrian Monk : I'm not saying anything. Just asking questions.

  Kris Kedder : Hey, anybody could have taken it. I don't lock my case.

• Red Cross Volunteer : [prescribing a cream to Natalie]  This should help. Just rub this in twice a day. Did he really touch a heat lamp?

  Natalie Teeger : I don't know.

  Red Cross Volunteer : What about the other hand?

  Natalie Teeger : He kept touching it. I don't know.

  [Monk, visibly bothered, walks over to the stretcher on which Stork's body is resting on] 

  Red Cross Volunteer : They found him in a port-a-john.

  Natalie Teeger : I know, we were there when it happened. He was so young.

  Red Cross Volunteer : Overdose. The medical examiner will be here soon. If you could just step back...

  Adrian Monk : No-no-no. It's okay. I'm a police officer, at least I used to. There's no mud.

  Natalie Teeger : Pardon me?

  Adrian Monk : On his boots, there's no mud. There was mud all around those outhouses.

  Natalie Teeger : Yeah but they carried him out.

  Adrian Monk : All right, but who carried him in?

  [lifts up the sheet covering the body] 

  Adrian Monk : No other track marks.

  [looking at the victim's personal effects] 

  Adrian Monk : Are these his?

  [picks up a rubber strap] 

  Adrian Monk : This rubber strap was around his arm?

  Red Cross Volunteer : That's right. I took it off myself.

  Adrian Monk : Do you work with drug addicts a lot?

  Red Cross Volunteer : It goes with the territory.

  Adrian Monk : Natalie.

  [He puts the strap around her right arm] 

  Adrian Monk : Do they wrap it around like this, and tie it in a knot?

  Natalie Teeger : Yeah, like... this.

  [She creates a knot with the strap] 

  Adrian Monk : And then they pull it tight with their teeth?

  Red Cross Volunteer : That's right.

  Natalie Teeger : I'm not doing that.

  Adrian Monk : There's no other way to tie off your own arm?

  Red Cross Volunteer : No, sir.

  [Monk looks at the strap closely] 

  Adrian Monk : No teeth marks.

  Natalie Teeger : Someone tied it for him.

• Adrian Monk : [to himself]  I'm sorry, I don't make the rules!

  Guy Freak : That's right. You don't.

• Annie : Black bandanna and sunglasses?

  Natalie Teeger : Yeah, it was this morning around 7:30.

  Annie : I remember. He was my first customer.

  [pause] 

  Annie : Oh was that the boy who died? The overdose? Heartbreaking.

  [to her customer] 

  Annie : How does that feel?

  Adrian Monk : Horrible.

  [Annie inserts another needle into her patient's back. Monk recoils] 

  Kendra Frank : Look, are you sure that's him?

  [Hands a photo of Stork over to Annie] 

  Annie : He was a friend of yours. I'm sorry.

  Natalie Teeger : Did he say anything?

  Annie : No, not much. He just told me a story about how he met Eric Clapton.

  Kendra Frank : [to Monk and Natalie]  He loved Eric Clapton.

  [Annie is looking for something] 

  Annie : No.

  [Monk reaches forward and straightens out one of the needles on Annie's patient, who reacts. Natalie gives Monk a disapproving look and says] 

  Natalie Teeger : Detective!

  Annie : And he dropped this.

  Kendra Frank : Oh my god, I made this earring! He loved this earring.

  Annie : He said he was giving up, he wanted to get high. He said he used to be afraid of needles, but he got over it.

  Kendra Frank : I don't believe this!

  Annie : Well I guess he's with Kurt, Jimi and Janis now.

  Adrian Monk : Who?

  Natalie Teeger : I'll tell you later.

  [Monk reaches forward to try to straighten another needle on the patient, but Natalie pushes his arm to the side] 

  Adrian Monk : Did he say anything else?

  Kendra Frank : Please, Annie. I have to know.

  Annie : [sighs]  He asked me where he could score some H.

  Adrian Monk : Heroin. H. Starts with an "H," heroin. It's street talk.

  Natalie Teeger : Yeah, I got it.

  Annie : Well then he paid me and left. Oh, but before he left, he helped some kid, some poor girl. She had a beachball. She was having trouble with it so he blew it up for her.

  Adrian Monk : A blue beachball?

• Annie : Uh-huh. I think so.

  Adrian Monk : Thing almost killed me. I hate that beachball.

  Kendra Frank : So it's true. They were right, he OD'D.

  Adrian Monk : I'm so sorry.

  [They start to walk away. Monk stops to try to touch a heat lamp over another patient] 

  Natalie Teeger : Mr. Monk, no! No-no-no-no-no-no! That's 400 watts!

  [Monk withdraws his arm, and starts to walk away. But he has a compulsion to touch lamps, so he comes back and tries again to touch the bulb. Natalie has to restrain his arm, but Monk reaches over with his left hand and burns his left pointer finger] 

  Adrian Monk : Ow!

  [before he leaves, he burns his right pointer finger on the same bulb] 

• Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : [over walkie-talkie]  He says it was locked and bolted from the outside.

  Adrian Monk : [over walkie-talkie, standing on the hillside]  They could have rigged the lock. Over.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Yeah. You know it would help a lot if you stood a little closer.

  Adrian Monk : That's not going to happen. Over.

  Kendra Frank : [to Natalie]  So is this how he does it? From 100 feet away?

  Natalie Teeger : Not all the time.

  [Stottlemeyer opens the door of the port-a-john to look inside] 

  Annoyed Girl in Line : How long are you going to be?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : As long as it takes, miss. This is a crime scene.

  Annoyed Girl in Line : With only one cop?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Uh, no, it's not just me. You see that guy up there on the hill? He's a cop.

  [points to Monk on the hillside] 

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : And this guy here is a police officer.

  Lt. Randall Disher : Oh these guys are great! Oh I hope they do "Killer Machine!"

  [calls out] 

  Lt. Randall Disher : KILLER MACHINE!

  [Natalie and Kendra Frank look unimpressed] 

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : [to Monk, over walkie-talkie]  Uh, I'm checking out the lock here. There are some scratches.

  Adrian Monk : Are they recent? Over.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Yeah, there's no rust.

  [He finds a piece of wire] 

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I've got a little piece of wire here.

• Adrian Monk : [over walkie-talkie]  Okay, isn't there a vent, on the right side up near the roof? Over.

  [Stottlemeyer looks over there] 

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Yeah, Roger that. About four and a half feet above the lock.

  Adrian Monk : He must have been killed somewhere else. They put the body inside, tied the wire around the bolt...

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : ...and ran the wire through the vent so they could lock the door from the outside.

  Adrian Monk : Yeah, you didn't wait for me to say "Over." Hello? Over.

  [no response] 

  Adrian Monk : Over. Over. I'm saying "over."

• Adrian Monk : How long do you think I was in there?

  Natalie Teeger : I don't know, Mr. Monk. Maybe a minute.

  Adrian Monk : It was rough. It was like some kind of medieval torture device.

  Natalie Teeger : Yeah, I know. I actually read for the Spanish Inquisition. They used to lock people in port-a-johns.

  Adrian Monk : That wouldn't surprise me.

  [a stray blue beachball strikes Monk for the third time] 

  Adrian Monk : Ow. It's-it's time to go.

  [starts to walk away] 

  Natalie Teeger : No, Mr. Monk, we haven't found the Captain's son.

  [Kendra Frank comes up to them] 

  Kendra Frank : Excuse me. I heard some cops talking back there. They said you're some kind of detective.

  Adrian Monk : That's true. I am some kind of detective.

  Kendra Frank : Hi, I'm Kendra Frank. I'm a roadie for Trafalgar.

  [She shakes hands with Natalie and then with Monk. Monk hands her a wipe] 

  Kendra Frank : I was a friend of Stork's. I was more than his friend. I was his sponsor at Narcotics Anonymous.

  Natalie Teeger : Uh-huh, and Stork is?

  Kendra Frank : The roadie. The roadie they just found.

  Natalie Teeger : Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry.

  [pause] 

  Adrian Monk : Stork?

  Kendra Frank : His real name was Greg Murray. Look, they're trying to say that he OD'd, all right, but that's not possible. He's been clean for 17 months.

  Natalie Teeger : But, Kendra, we were there. We saw a needle in his arm.

  Kendra Frank : That's how I know something's wrong. Stork was completely phobic about needles. He was the only roadie I ever met that didn't have a tattoo. I mean he missed a whole South American tour last year because he wouldn't get vaccinated.

  Natalie Teeger : Maybe he got over it.

  Kendra Frank : You don't just get over a phobia like that overnight! Do you?

  Adrian Monk : No, you don't.

  Kendra Frank : So, please.

  [she presents Stork's jacket] 

  Kendra Frank : They gave me his stuff.

  [She hands the jacket to them] 

  Kendra Frank : It's his tour jacket.

  [Monk and Natalie rifle through the jacket's pockets. They find a backstage pass and a map of the grounds] 

  Adrian Monk : Is this a map?

  Natalie Teeger : Yeah I have one of these. They gave these out at the door.

  [Monk unfolds the map, and notices a marker on the acupuncture tent] 

  Adrian Monk : [to Kendra]  You say that he was afraid of needles?

  Kendra Frank : Yeah that's right.

  Adrian Monk : He had an acupuncture appointment at 7:30 this morning.