Monk (TV Series)

Mr. Monk, Private Eye (2006)

Tony Shalhoub: Adrian Monk

Photos 

Quotes 

• Adrian Monk : You owe me 85 cents.

  Natalie Teeger : Fine. Take it out of my paycheck.

  Adrian Monk : Don't think I won't.

  Natalie Teeger : How'd you get so cheap? Really?

  Adrian Monk : I work for a living! All right? At least I used to. Now I just get bull kelp splashed on me.

• Adrian Monk : [about his new office]  Natalie, you can't afford this.

  Natalie Teeger : Actually, you're paying for it.

  Adrian Monk : *I* can't afford this!

  Natalie Teeger : Oh yes you can. Remember last month when you got that bonus after solving the Kensington case?

  Adrian Monk : No.

  Natalie Teeger : That's because I used it for a down payment.

  Adrian Monk : Grown ups have a word for that. It's called "embezzlement."

• Natalie Teeger : You can't swim?

  Adrian Monk : To be honest, I don't know. I mean, I know how... all right, I took a correspondence course.

  Natalie Teeger : You learned to swim by mail?

  Adrian Monk : They sent me a little diploma! And, I've got this.

  [He gives Natalie a little card from his wallet] 

  Natalie Teeger : "Swimming Fundamentals: Don't panic; Breathe normally; Flutter kicks..."

  Adrian Monk : Can I have that back, please?

  Natalie Teeger : Why would you even take the course? You never go in the water.

  Adrian Monk : Hello, tsunamis?

• [Monk gets so bored with waiting for a case that he calls Natalie's desk phone from his desk phone about ten feet away] 

  Natalie Teeger : Adrian Monk Investigation. What is the nature of your problem?

  Adrian Monk : I'm been kept in a room against my will.

  Natalie Teeger : You were kidnapped... uh, do you know who did it ?

  Adrian Monk : Yes. It's my personal assistant, her name is Natalie... Teeger.

  [as he says that, the camera pans around Natalie to reveal Monk talking on his desk phone] 

• Natalie Teeger : It took Grandpa Neville's business a whole year before it finally took off!

  Adrian Monk : Not everyone feels the same way you do about Grandpa Neville! For example, I was just thinking about how fun it would be to dig up his body and poke it with a bi-i-ig stick.

  [They don't see Linda Fusco enter] 

  Linda Fusco : Who's Grandpa Neville? And why are we poking him with a stick?