Last of the Summer Wine (TV Series)

Has Anyone Seen a Peruvian Wart? (2005)

Tom Owen: Tom

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Billy : Tha's looking for a female companion; I'm looking to get rid of the wife's sister. It's the perfect solution.

  Smiler : Uh, I wouldn't say perfect.

  Billy : She's quite... well... very nearly quite attractive. If you don't mind warts.

  Tom : We've talked about blemishes; he's not expecting perfection. He- he'd consider loss of leg, going bald.

  Billy : You're home free. She's got a full set.

  Smiler : What about facial hair?

  Billy : Yeah, with nearly every wart! Eee, th've struck lucky again, Smiler. Is this uncanny or what!

  Tom : He doesn't mind warts, do you?

  Smiler : Depends on the bits in between.

  Billy : Ah. The warts are the best bits. But, she'd be company for you in the winter of your years.

  Smiler : It sounds like another hard winter.