- Adrian Monk: [sitting in Principal Franklin's office] Ah, this brings back memories. Sitting in the principal's office.
- Natalie Teeger: You? I can't picture you being sent to the principal's office.
- Adrian Monk: I wasn't sent. I used to go there on my own. To report on the troublemakers, I was Mr. Campman's eyes and ears. That's what he called me.
- Natalie Teeger: Ummm, so you spied on other kids?
- Adrian Monk: I was keeping the study hall safe for people like you. You're welcome.
- Natalie Teeger: So you've never won anything in your whole life?
- Adrian Monk: Once, at a birthday party, I won a game of musical chairs.
- Natalie Teeger: Well, that's something.
- Adrian Monk: But then I was disqualified. A mother said I went counter-clockwise, or something.
- Natalie Teeger: Well, at least you got invited to the party!
- Adrian Monk: It was my party, okay, it was my mother.
- [Monk, Natalie, and Julie are putting all of Monk's "Case Trophies" on his mantle]
- Adrian Monk: I'm gonna need a bigger mantle. Natalie! I'm gonna need a bigger mantle!
- Natalie Teeger: Your mother would be so proud.
- Adrian Monk: Oh, no she wouldn't. But it's still nice of you to say.
- Principal Franklin: Yes, Mr. Monk we met last year, at the career day. How have you been?
- Adrian Monk: The same.
- Principal Franklin: Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
- Adrian Monk: [trying to give Natalie a boost up to a very high window] Up you go.
- Natalie Teeger: [refusing to step into Monk's hands] Up *you* go.
- Adrian Monk: Up you go!
- Natalie Teeger: No! I'm just the assistant, remember?
- Adrian Monk: I believe the word "assist" is a very large part of the word "assistant." Right, "assist," from the Latin meaning "UP YOU GO!"
- Adrian Monk: Fine, everybody just go out there and give 100%.
- Emily C.: But Coach Hayden said we should give 110%.
- Adrian Monk: No, no, that's a bad idea anyway. It's mathematically impossible. Just give 100%, it's a nice round number.
- Emily C.: Well I'm going to give 110%.
- Adrian Monk: Fine, okay, then Julie, you give 90%.
- Emily J.: Well I'm going to give 115%.
- Adrian Monk: For god's sake, fine, then Julie you're down to 75%.
- Julie Teeger: Mr. Monk, how am I supposed to...?
- Adrian Monk: Just do it! Okay, all right, now that's 110%, 100%, 100% 115%, 75%.
- Adrian Monk: [examining the crime scene] It seems like the coach ran into a lot of bad luck in this room all at once.
- Natalie Teeger: Well, I guess that's how it happens sometimes.
- Adrian Monk: Yes, to me, but this happened to someone else.
- [Monk and Natalie are in the girl's bathroom]
- Natalie Teeger: You okay?
- Adrian Monk: Girl's bathroom.
- Natalie Teeger: What are you afraid of?
- [pokes Monk]
- Natalie Teeger: Cooties?
- Adrian Monk: Don't laugh. The jury's still out on cooties. If we could only get more federal funding...
- [Julie and two of her friends visit Monk at home]
- Emily C.: You iron your shoelaces?
- Adrian Monk: Mmm-hmm.
- Emily J.: Why are there three of them?
- Adrian Monk: [holding them up] Left, right, backup.
- [Monk, with difficulty, hoists Natalie to the top of some lockers]
- Natalie Teeger: Well, higher!
- [Straining, he does so]
- Natalie Teeger: Oh, my God!
- Adrian Monk: What is it?
- Natalie Teeger: Oh, my God!
- Adrian Monk: Natalie, what is it?
- Natalie Teeger: There are footprints!
- Adrian Monk: Footprints... down you go.
- Natalie Teeger: Okay, down I go?
- Adrian Monk: Down you go.
- Natalie Teeger: Down we go.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [about Julie] I can talk to her next week. How about Saturday? I'll take you guys out for pancakes.
- Natalie Teeger: Yeah, it's okay. That's not going to give her much time. It's all right.
- [starts walking out of the Captain's office, but then turns around]
- Natalie Teeger: Oh, you know what? I forgot to mention. My cousin works for a PR firm for the '49ers.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: No kidding!
- Natalie Teeger: Yeah! Joe Montana's going to be in town on Thursday. He's shooting some commercial. You want to meet him?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Joe Montana? Sure!
- Natalie Teeger: Okay, you're not too busy?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: No, no. No, I'm sure we can make that work.
- Natalie Teeger: Oh, great, because I lied! But it's nice to know you're available on Thursday! Julie will be here after school. Thanks!
- [Natalie walks out of the office, while Stottlemeyer looks on in astonishment]
- [while beinq questioned about Lynn Hayden's behavior prior to her death, Principal Franklin mentions something she remembers]
- Principal Franklin: Well, now that you mention it, the day before the incident, she was crying in the teacher's lounge. She didn't say why, I didn't think anything about it. A lot of our teachers cry, quite a bit.