Beavis and Butt-Head (TV Series)

No Laughing (1993)

Mike Judge: Beavis, Butt-Head, Bradley Buzzcut, Principal McVicker, Mr. Stevenson

Quotes 

• Buzzcut : So, Beavis and Butt-Head, I understand Mr. McVicker has made a little arrangement with you guys. Yeah, a little probation. You see, class, Beavis and Butt-Head here are not allowed to laugh for a whole week. That's right, and if they do laugh they'll be expelled, and they'll have to go to Hope High School where they'll get their asses kicked on a daily basis by all the other delinquents, ha ha ha!

  [Students laugh; Beavis and Butt-head try to hold it in] 

  Buzzcut : Well, I was real glad to hear that, because this is sex education week. That's right, sex ed. week. We're gonna be talkin' about the PENIS! We'll be talkin' about the VAGINA! Do you think that's funny, Butt-Head? Do you find it amusing that we'll be talkin' about the TESTICLES? Yes, we're also gonna be talkin' about VENEREAL DISEASE! SEXUAL INTERCOURSE! THE SCROTUM! THE CLITORIS! And... and we will definitely be spending a lot of time talking about MASTURBATION!

  [the class laughs, tears streak from Butt-Head's eyes, as Beavis and Butt-head struggle to hold in their laughter] 

• Mr. Stevenson : Buttkiss.

  [Beavis and Butt-head are seen laughing] 

  Mr. Stevenson : Damn it. What's wrong with you two? We've been in school over seven months now and every single day when I call Daniel Buttkiss' name, you guys have to laugh.

  [Beavis and Butt-head continue laughing] 

  Mr. Stevenson : Is it really still that funny? Doesn't it ever get old? Are you going to laugh for the rest of your lives every time someone mentions the name "Buttkiss"?

  [Beavis and Butt-head continue laughing] 

  Mr. Stevenson : That does it, principal's office now!

• [greets the class in Spanish and walks up to Beavis and Butt-Head with a card with the phrase Juan es alto] 

  Mr. Hererra : Senor Butt-Head, como es Juan?

  Butt-Head : Uhhhh Burritos.

  Mr. Hererra : No. No. No. Como es Juan? Como es Juan?

  Butt-Head : Uhhh guacamole.

  Mr. Hererra : No. No. No. Senor Beavis, como es Juan?

  Beavis : Umm spaghetti.

  [laughs] 

  Butt-Head : Spaghetti?

  Mr. Hererra : Spaghetti. That's Italian, you moron. Damn it, you idiots have been in this class for almost a whole school year and the only Spanish you know is what you learned at Taco Bell. And Beavis couldn't get that right. I'm gonna give you little bastards just 10 seconds to come up with a sentence in Spanish and if you can't, you're both going to the principal's office and you're both flunking.

  [pauses] 

  Mr. Hererra : Well I'm waiting.

  Butt-Head : [laughs]  Uh, rendo-pordo-curdoh-nut-a-ben-yubarduhvuh Rico Suave.

  Mr. Hererra : [hearing the class laugh and points to the door]  Principal's office, Now!

  Beavis : [gears turning in his head and smiles]  Uhh Taco supreme.

  [Laughs] 

  Mr. Hererra : [the class continues laughing]  Get out! Now!

• [the continues to laugh as Buzzcut makes it back to his desk. Beavis and Butt-Head struggles not to laugh] 

  Buzzcut : Now that's out of the way. Let's take roll, Buttkiss!

  Daniel Buttkiss : Here.

  [laughs] 

  Buzzcut : Gaylord! Highman!

  [Beavis and Butt-Head continues struggling not to laugh] 

• [in Principal McVicker's office, Beavis and Butt-Head continues laughing] 

  Principal McVicker : Oh, you guys think this is funny. Y-y-y-y-y-y-you've been in four classes and you've been sent here four times.

  [Beavis and Butt-Head continues laughing] 

  Principal McVicker : And this laughing thing. What the hell is with this laughing thing? All the teachers are sick of it. Mr. Sherman, your history teacher, says he has completely given up on trying to teach your class about the gay nineties.

  [Beavis and Butt-Head continues laughing] 

  Principal McVicker : See? See, that is exactly what I'm talking about. You are both suspended for a week!

  Butt-Head : [stops laughing]  Uhhh, what does that mean?

  Principal McVicker : It means I-I-I-I don't want to see you anywhere near this school for a whole week!

  Butt-Head : Coool

  [Beavis and Butt-Head does air guitar] 

  Principal McVicker : Shut Up! Forget it. No, you are not suspended. No, I got a better idea. Yeah, I'm gonna get you guys this time.

  [Princpal McVicker laughs at the same time the boys do. He pulls out a bottle of Old Crow Whiskey from his desk drawer and guzzles it down] 

• Buzzcut : This is sex education week! That's right, sex ed week! We're gonna be talkin' about the PENIS! We'll be talkin' about the VAGINA! Do you think that's funny, Butt-Head? Do you find it amusing that we'll be talkin' about the TESTICLES? Yes, we're also gonna be talkin' about VENEREAL DISEASE! SEXUAL INTERCOURSE! THE SCROTUM! THE CLITORIS! And... and we will definitely be spending a lot of time talking about MASTURBATION!

• Butt-Head : [Beavis and Butt-Head are watching a Beastie Boys music video]  These guys are cool. One day, I hope to be just like them.