- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy, I don't think we need to stand here and pick apart the Alice-Cooper-wants-an-antique-chair theory.
- [watching Monk trying to clean up San Francisco's garbage single-handedly]
- Lt. Randall Disher: He's like a vigilante. A garbage vigilante.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You could say that, but don't.