South Park (TV Series)

Tsst (2006)

Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Mr. Mackey, TV Announcer, Doctor, Cesar Millan, Jimmy Valmer

Photos 

Quotes 

• Eric Cartman : Suck my asshole, taco bender!

• Eric Cartman : What the hell is this? Skinless chicken, boiled vegetables and salad? This is just like Auschwitz!

• [Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Butters are playing Monopoly at Stan's place when Cartman comes in] 

  Eric Cartman : [gloomy]  Hey guys, I've got some pretty big news.

  [sighs] 

  Eric Cartman : I ran away from home.

  [the boys just keep on playing like nothing happened] 

  Eric Cartman : Yeah, my Mom just doesn't care for me anymore, so I moved out. She didn't even try to stop me. It's gonna be tough living on my own. But I'll get by, somehow.

  Stan Marsh : [without looking up from the Monopoly board]  You can't stay here.

  Eric Cartman : [angrily]  Maybe you didn't hear me! I ran away! I don't have anywhere to sleep, I'm out on the streets!

  Kyle Broflovski : [also not looking up]  You're not staying at my house either.

  Eric Cartman : All right, that's fine! Butters, I'll crash with you.

  Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : No, my parents won't let me bring homeless people home anymore.

  Eric Cartman : [angrily]  Well, what do you guys expect me to do? Stay at Kenny's house? His family is totally poor, I'm not staying with poor people!

  [silence] 

  Eric Cartman : All right, I'll stay with Kenny, let's go, man.

  Kenny McCormick : [muffled and not looking up either]  Fuck you.

  Eric Cartman : Ha! Well, I guess now we see just how supportive friends can be! When the chips are down, you won't even lend a hand! I'll just go sleep on the streets somewhere, in the cold, probably get mugged and gang-raped by some minorities! You guys will be sorry when I turn up dead!

  [leaves] 

  Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : [moves his pawn]  Whoopee! J & R Railroad!

• Mr. Mackey : Mrs. Cartman, we have had it with your son's behaviour, m'kay? Little Billy Turner is now being treated at the hospital!

  Liane Cartman : Eric, why would you do such a thing?

  Eric Cartman : [insincere]  I'm sorry I handcuffed Billy Turner's ankle to the school flagpole.

  Mr. Mackey : You know that's not the point.

  Eric Cartman : [rolls eyes]  Okay, I'm sorry I handcuffed Billy Turner's ankle to a flagpole and then gave him a hacksaw. And then told him I had poisoned his lunch milk and that the only way he could get to the antidote in time would be to saw through his leg.

  Liane Cartman : Eric, that was very naughty.

  Eric Cartman : Well, he called me chubby!

• [Nanny Stella puts Eric on a stool] 

  Nanny Stella : Whenever you are naughty, Eric, you're going to sit on this stool for five minutes.

  Eric Cartman : [looks around]  And what exactly keeps me on the stool?

  Nanny Stella : It's the time-out stool, you can't get down until the time is up.

  [pause, then Cartman jumps off the stool] 

  Eric Cartman : [sarcastic]  Wow! How did I do that?

• Eric Cartman : Could I... perhaps have... *two* megarangers?

  Liane Cartman : Yes, darling, you can have whatever you want!