- Dolly Parton: [Pulls cell phone out of hair] When your pants are as tight as mine are, you've got to have somewhere to put your phone!
- [from trailer]
- Dolly Parton: Being a teenage girl is harder than walking through a balloon shop with a porcupine purse.
- Lilly Truscott: [On Olivers goodbye tape to Principal Fisher] We're gonna miss you Principal Fisher! I can't believe you're retiring! You don't look a day over 80!
- Oliver Oken: Lilly, he's only 65.
- Lilly Truscott: Really? Is he sick?
- Oliver Oken: He will be when he sees this.
- [Turns the camera to Dandruff Danny]
- Oliver Oken: Let's see what Farewell words Dandruff Danny has for Principal Fisher.
- Dandruff Danny: One second let me fix my hair!
- Oliver Oken: This is gonna take a while.
- Lilly Truscott: [Cuts in front of Dandruff Danny] Ugh,, I was just kidding about before sir. It's not that you're old,it's that you remind me of my dead grandfather. But he didn't die from old age. He got hit by a school bus. Ironic... isn't it?
- Lilly Truscott: [to the camera about the principal's retirement] I can't believe you're retiring. You don't look a day over 80!
- Oliver Oken: Lilly, he's only 65.
- Lilly Truscott: Is he sick?
- Oliver Oken: He will be after he sees this. Lets see what Dandruff Danny has to say.
- Danny Dandruff: Let me do my hair!
- Oliver Oken: This is going to take a while.
- Lilly Truscott: [stepping in front o the camera] I didn't mean your old, you just remind me of my dead grandfather!
- [nervously]
- Lilly Truscott: But he didn't die from old age, he got hit by a school bus.
- [very nervously]
- Lilly Truscott: Ironic, huh?
- Miley Stewart: There's more other things in life like world peace and... Whales! Why can't we do a song about whales? And not stupid boy whales, girl whales. Happy independent girl whales.
- Robbie Stewart: I'll get on it darling. Girl whales doing there nails. Don't need no males. Practically writes itself.