The Office (TV Series)
Conflict Resolution (2006)
Rainn Wilson: Dwight Schrute
Photos
Quotes
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Dwight Schrute : ID badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?
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Jim Halpert : Hey, you know what, Dwight? Maybe we should get our photo ID taken together.
Dwight Schrute : That doesn't make any sense.
Jim Halpert : Well, it saves time, you know. 'Cause we could just meet in the parking lot every morning, walk in together. Perfect.
The Photographer : Smile.
Dwight Schrute : No.
[He stares right at camera as photographer takes the picture. To film crew]
Dwight Schrute : I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.
Jim Halpert : This came out really well. There you go.
Dwight Schrute : This is humongous. I am not a security threat. And my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.
Jim Halpert : What did I write?
[Dwight walks away while Jim smiles at camera]
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[a furious Dwight barges into the conference room, interrupting a meeting involving Michael, Stanley and Phyllis. He opens a box containing all the paperwork from his numerous complaints against Jim and rifles through it, becoming angrier by the second]
Dwight Schrute : [shouting] No, no!
[to Michael]
Dwight Schrute : Four years of malfeasance unreported! This cannot stand.
Michael Scott : Okay, calm down.
Dwight Schrute : No, you calm down. Whose side is Toby on?
[yells]
Dwight Schrute : Whose side are you on?
Michael Scott : Hey!
Dwight Schrute : Him or me? I cannot work with Jim anymore. Either he goes, or I go!
Michael Scott : Dwight, stop...
Dwight Schrute : [shouting] You choose! One of us is out of here by the end of today!
[He grabs the box and storms out of the room, slamming the door behind him]
Michael Scott : ...Okay.
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Dwight Schrute : I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.