The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Wettest Stories Ever Told (2006)

Pamela Hayden: Milhouse Van Houten, Jimbo Jones

Quotes 

• Principal Skinner : [as Captain Bligh of the Bounty]  Good morning, crew. Welcome to day 718 of our voyage. Today's announcements: first of all, in an effort to save water, you will no longer be given any water. And because of a drawing of myself having romantic congress with a merman...

  [the crew laughs] 

  Principal Skinner : ...I am dumping all your mail from home into the sea. And I can assure you there were cookies in there. Good cookies. The kind only a loving mother or Milhouse's father could make.

  Milhouse Van Houten : [hopeful]  My father's alive?

  Principal Skinner : No, he died while baking. It's all in the letter.

  Jimbo Jones : I'm getting pretty tired of that seawad.

  Dolph : This is nothing like the recruiting brochure.

  [he holds up said brochure, with the picture of a sailor with two prostitutes under the title "British Navy - Less Scurvy, More Curvy"] 

  Dolph , Kearney , Jimbo Jones : Mmm

  Kearney : Maybe that's what happens on the last day.

• Milhouse Van Houten : I wish we were back in Tahiti.

  Principal Skinner : Why, yes, it was truly an unforgettable vacation. I order you to forget it.

  [the kids groan] 

  Principal Skinner : And while you're working, I want to hear a sea shanty... in a round.

  [the kids sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" unenthusiastically] 

  Principal Skinner : [firing his pistol into the air]  Rounder! I hear edges!

  [whacking various kids with his sword] 

  Principal Skinner : You're off-key! Make that song your own! You don't sound like you've ever been on a boat in your life!

  [he hears guns cocking] 

  Principal Skinner : What the...?

  Bart Simpson : Captain, this is a mutiny.

  Principal Skinner : [chuckling nervously]  Let's not be hasty there. Uh, what if I introduce a suggestion box?

  Dolph : We have a suggestion box. You made it from the head of the last guy who had a suggestion.

  [the shot pans over to Martin's head hanging on a door, his mouth stuffed with scraps of paper] 

• Bart Simpson : [trying to return the Bounty to Tahiti]  Well, I know you had your doubts, men, but there they are, the most beautiful women in the world

  Kearney : Those are penguins.

  Bart Simpson : Well, look at it this way: we're gonna discover the North Pole.

  Jimbo Jones : South Pole.

  Bart Simpson : Oh, boy, do I suck.

  Jimbo Jones : Yeah.

• Homer Simpson : Welcome to our tropical paradise. Enjoy our luaus, our lagoons, and our ladies. And remember, what happens in Tahiti stays in Tahiti.

  Marge Simpson : Because we have no way of communicating with the outside world. Tell me, has Robert Fulton invented the steamboat yet?

  Jimbo Jones : Any day now.

  Marge Simpson : Ooh!