It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV Series)

Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom (2006)

Charlie Day: Charlie Kelly

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dee Reynolds : I want my job back.

  Charlie Kelly : And you shall have it. Oh, Dee. It looks like we both need things from each other.

  Dee Reynolds : I am not having sex with you, Charlie.

  Charlie Kelly : No. It's not sex I want from you. It's sex I don't want from Dennis.

• Charlie Kelly : [to Dennis, while singing]  I know something you don't know.

• Charlie Kelly : Time to move to phase 2.

  Dee Reynolds : There is no phase 2. I'm not doing phase 2. I did everything you said and it's over.

  Charlie Kelly : THIS ISN'T OVER UNTIL I SAY IT'S OVER!

• Dennis Reynolds : Okay, listen. Here's the deal. Uh, I'm gonna bang her tonight, probably around 10:30 or so. Now, I really don't wanna do that. So all you have to do to stop me is call my cell phone, by 10:30, and say "Dennis, you don't have to do Charlie Work anymore".

  Charlie Kelly : You're not gonna get away with this.

  Dennis Reynolds : Oh yeah, I will. I'll get away with it. 10:30, okay?

  [Dennis opens door] 

  Dennis Reynolds : [whispers]  10:30.

  Charlie Kelly : [after Dennis leaves]  Gonna blackmail me? You gonna blackmail me, Dennis Reynolds?

  [Charlie angrily smashes his house of cards] 

• Mac : Charlie, I have a real dilemma on my hands. Now, normally I would never talk to you about these things because you're so incredibly unreliable, but Dennis, Dee, and Frank are all directly involved in this and I gotta tell somebody man, I am bustin'! Okay... Dennis' mom tried to have sex with me!

  Charlie Kelly : Interesting...

  Mac : Yeah, man! She got naked, she came on to me, I mean that woman is straight crazy but I think I wanna bang her, man! I know I shouldn't do it, it's...

  Charlie Kelly : I think you should do it!

  Mac : ...What?

  Charlie Kelly : Look, an opportunity like this only comes around once in a lifetime, right?

  Mac : Right!

  Charlie Kelly : And so you'd be a fool to let it slip through your fingers.

  Mac : Yeah! That's what I'm thinking! But, it's Dennis and Dee's mom.

  Charlie Kelly : Yeah, well that means that no one ever, ever's gonna find out.

  Mac : That doesn't make any sense.

  Charlie Kelly : It doesn't have to make sense.

  Mac : You're right, I'm gonna do it!

  [they both laugh maniacally] 

• Charlie Kelly : [looking at calculator]  What... are... you?

• Waitress : No, I'm not going to ask you inside, Dennis.

  Dennis Reynolds : Why not?

  Waitress : Because... I really... like you.

  Dennis Reynolds : Well, yeah, I mean... I really like you, too...

  Waitress : Then let's just take it slow, okay?

  Dennis Reynolds : Wait, wait... Uh... I... love... you...

  Waitress : ...Ha! I... I kinda don't know what to say!

  Dennis Reynolds : I kinda don't want you to say anything.

  [the Waitress leans in for a kiss. Dennis' phone rings] 

  Dennis Reynolds : Hold that thought.

  [turns away, takes call] 

  Dennis Reynolds : Yo.

  Charlie Kelly : I'm ready to talk.

  Dennis Reynolds : Cuttin' it pretty close there, pal. I almost sealed the deal.

  Charlie Kelly : Just meet me at Paddy's and we'll work it all out.

  [hangs up, Dennis turns back to the Waitress] 

  Waitress : Heh, sorry about that. I feel like maybe I was being a little judgmental.

  Dennis Reynolds : You're good! Haha.

  Waitress : Haha, okay. Well let's go.

  Dennis Reynolds : No. Uh, you were right, I sh... I'm gonna go. Yeah. I'm gonna go now, we should take it slow - you were right.

  Waitress : Really? Because I... don't... need to now...

  Dennis Reynolds : [starts walking away]  I think it's good, I think it's real good.

  Waitress : Call me!

  Dennis Reynolds : Ahahahaha!