- Michael Stein: Okay, now where's my bed.
- Bobby Budnick: Voila. Right here. The one with the big stain on it.
- Michael Stein: What's that smell?
- Sponge Harris: Oh, that was a dead raccoon. They just dragged him out this morning.
- Michael Stein: Is this where it died?
- Sponge Harris: No. That's just where it suffered.
- Bobby Budnick: You are roasted...
- Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen: toasted...
- Bobby Budnick, Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen: [together] ... and burnt to a crisp.
- Sponge Harris: Listen, you know, you made a major mistake coming to Camp Anawanna. The food bites, bugs bite, activities bite - everything bites!
- Michael Stein: What is my underwear doing up the flagpole?
- Sponge Harris: Looks like it's flapping in the breeze. You know what I'd do if I were you?
- Michael Stein: Turn around and go home?
- Sponge Harris: No. I suggest you stand at attention, click your heels, and salute your shorts.
- Dr. Kahn: [over loudspeaker] This is Dr. Kahn, your camp leader. Welcome to Camp Anawanna, the happiest place in the universe.
- Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen: I can hock a loogie eight feet in the air and catch it with my tongue.
- Michael Stein: Well, your mother must be really proud.
- Dina Alexander: Fashion alert, fashion alert. Are you REALLY gonna wear those glasses in public?
- Telly Radford: I need 'em to see.
- Dina Alexander: Seeing good instead of looking good? Priority check.
- Bobby Budnick: I don't like this new guy. He's athletic and popular.
- Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen: Yeah, everything we're not.
- Bobby Budnick: So how are we gonna take him down?
- Bobby Budnick, Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen: [smirking to each other] Secret Society!
- Dr. Kahn: [over loudspeaker] This is Dr. Kahn. There's no need to run to breakfast. I've already taken the prizes out of all the cereals.
- Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen: Someday I'm gonna ask her out.
- Bobby Budnick: Stop dreamin' and glue your macaroni onto somethin'.
- Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen: I can't.
- Bobby Budnick: Why not?
- Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen: I ate it.
- Bobby Budnick: You ate your macorni?
- Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen: Yeah.
- Bobby Budnick: How? It's uncooked, rock hard, and covered with yellow spray paint.
- Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen: I thought that was cheese.
- Dina Alexander: I've had dinner with Janet Jackson.
- Michael Stein: [to Telly] You know what? You and I have the same shoes.
- Telly Radford: Cool!
- Dina Alexander: We've had Norwegian salmon. Oooh, all the way from Norweg.
- [Michael and Telly stare at her]
- Dina Alexander: Doesn't anybody care?
- Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen: [comes up behind her] I care!
- Dina Alexander: Oh, your breath smells like a wet diaper.
- Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen: Huh?
- Dina Alexander: Get lost.
- [scoffs]