- Jeremy Clarkson: An NME poll recently voted 'Yes' as the shitest band in the world. Bad news for them but 'Blue' breathed a huge sigh of relief.
- Jim Jeffries: I still recon it's got something to do with cystitis or thrush or whatever girls get when they sleep with me. I like the yogurt with banana as that works as an applicator.
- Trisha Goddard: Is it going to be chauvinist stuff the whole night?
- Jim Jeffries: Just on this side. You can do what you want over there.
- Trisha Goddard: When I was an air stewardess, I used to hate people like you.
- Jeremy Clarkson: You were a mental health person *and* an air stewardess?
- Trisha Goddard: No, I was the air stewardess before I became the mental health person.
- Phill Jupitus: What kind of a hellish CV have you got?
- Rick Wakeman: Have you ever been arrested on a plane?
- Bill Bailey: Er well no, but, no, I may have avoided it by taking all the drugs before we got to the...
- Jim Jeffries: [recalling when he did a gig in a gay nightclub in Cape Town, South Africa] I was chatting to a whole lot of lads at the bar and I'm pretty funny... I think, and one of them's gone "You're wasted, aren't ya?" And I went "Yep". And he goes " Do you want to come to the toilet with me?" Now, I think he's offering me a line of coke. So I go in there first... beckon him in! Then he comes out, he pulls out this great big cock, and he goes "Do you want some coke first?" And I went "I only want coke!"
- Jim Jeffries: Do you know *anything* about cars?
- Jeremy Clarkson: You! You thought I was Jeremy Paxman when you got here!
- Jim Jeffries: I did!
- Jeremy Clarkson: I'll be Paxman then. Come on! Come on! Yoghurt! Yoghurt! Come on!
- Jeremy Clarkson: Coated? I didn't know you could conjugate the verb 'coat', but there you are. I always thought it was a noun, in my funny little way.
- Jeremy Clarkson: [next line round] I drove all night, crept in your room...
- Jim Jeffries: And touched ya!
- [Rick Wakeman and Bill Bailey are dancing to 'Dancing on the ceiling' by Lionel Richie]
- Trisha Goddard: Neither of them can dance, can they?
- Bill Bailey: Hey!
- Trisha Goddard: Dance like dads at the school disco.
- Bill Bailey: That is an internationally accepted form of dancing.
- Trisha Goddard: I notice that the bride's dress is by Sluts R Us.
- Phill Jupitus: Yeah, says you.
- Trisha Goddard: Oh you like it. Boys like that sort of thing, don't they.
- Jeremy Clarkson: What's the matter with it?
- Trisha Goddard: Well, she's practically showing her front botty.
- Phill Jupitus: Trisha, on your show you have people who knob animals.
- Trisha Goddard: No, we don't.
- Phill Jupitus: I 'heart' badgers. The Trisha special.
- Bill Bailey: When was that on? Must have missed that one.