The Boxtrolls (2014)

Ben Kingsley: Snatcher

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Quotes 

• Lord Portley-Rind : [after learning that Snatcher was lying about the Boxtrolls being monsters, and lying about the Trubshaws being killed, he addresses the crowd]  Snatcher lied to us, and to poor Madame Frou Frou.

  Lord Portley-Rind : [accusingly, at Snatcher]  Snatcher!

  Archibald Snatcher : [using Madame Frou Frou's voice, and exaggerated female gestures]  We could have been something special, but you have broken our agreement.

  Lord Portley-Rind : [confused]  Why is he talking like Madame Frou Frou?

  Lord Portley-Rind : [suddenly realizes that Snatcher IS Madame Frou Frou, he gasps]  Oh my god! I regret so much.

• Archibald Snatcher : [as Madame Frou-Frou, singing, verse 1]  Ten years ago a plot was hatched, Where evil was with cunning matched. Whoever left their doors unlatched, Would find their infant children snatched by Boxtrolls. Ooh, no, Boxtrolls!

  Archibald Snatcher : [verse 2]  Trubshaw Senior loved his kid, The same as regular fathers did. If you don't want to share his plight, Make sure that you are locked up tight from Boxtrolls!

  Archibald Snatcher : [verse 3]  For this night, baby's dad Trubshaw, Quite forgot to lock the door. And as soon as he began to snore, The Boxtrolls came in to withdraw poor baby! Those vile Boxtrolls!

  Archibald Snatcher : [verse 4]  So lock your windows, bolt your doors, or Boxtrolls with their creepy claws, Will take your children in their paws, And drag them down to feed their jaws. Boxtrolls!

  Archibald Snatcher : [verse 5]  Mr. Trubshaw went quite wild, When he found out he'd lost his child. He did what any dad would do. He ran off swiftly to pursue those Boxtrolls!

  Archibald Snatcher : [verse 6]  Help, help, help me, please, won't you? But the Boxtrolls did what Boxtrolls do. They snatched him up and began to chew, Until there was no residue of Trubshaw's.

  Archibald Snatcher : [verse 7]  They pulled him down into their nest, Hardly pausing to digest. They left his bones, but ate the rest. Never be a dinner guest of Boxtrolls. Oh, those Boxtrolls!

  Archibald Snatcher : [verse 8]  So that's the story of the Trubshaw Kid. Don't do what Father Trubshaw did. If you see Boxtrolls don't placate them, Catch them and exterminate them- the Boxtrolls! Kill those Boxtrolls! Kill those Boxtrolls! Kill those Boxtrolls!

• Archibald Snatcher : I have been reasonable, and I can be unreasonable.

• Mr. Pickles : [Noticing that Snatcher is having an allergic reaction to a piece of cheese he just ate. Whispering to Mr. Trout]  Someone's got the cheese fits again.

  Mr. Trout : [to Mr.Gristle]  Oh, quickly, quietly get the leeches.

  Mr. Gristle : [while silently sneaking around Snatcher]  Quietly. Quietly.

  Archibald Snatcher : [Noticing that Trout's leaving the table]  Where's he going?

  Mr. Gristle : Quietly.

  Archibald Snatcher : Is he getting more cheese?

  [Snatcher's lower lip swells up. Making Mr. Pickles and Mr. Trout shocked] 

  Archibald Snatcher : What?

  Mr. Pickles : I think you've had enough for today, boss.

• Archibald Snatcher : [eats a tiny bit of cheddar, and swallows]  Mmmm!

  Mr. Trout : [surprisingly]  Oh!

  Archibald Snatcher : I say, old chaps, it's quite, um

  [pause] 

  Archibald Snatcher : It's, um

  [pauses] 

  Archibald Snatcher : It's quite, um.

  Mr. Trout : [breaking in]  Aromatic? Oaky? With an undertone of a mother's smile on a warm spring day? Hmmm.

  [smiling thoughtfully] 

  Archibald Snatcher : Yes! Those things. Et cetera, et cetera, big words, chummy banter.

  [Said as he breaks into an allergic reaction to the cheese] 

• Archibald Snatcher : When I destroy every last Boxtroll in this town, I shall EARN my white hat, and join you in the Tasting Room.

  Lord Portley-Rind : [facetiously]  Good Lord! I don't know who should be more terrified: the Boxtrolls or us.

• Archibald Snatcher : [first line, Snatcher to Butler at the front door]  Wake his Lordship. The unspeakable has happened, We must speak of it immediately!

  [struggles with Butler, trying to slam the door on him] 

  Lord Portley-Rind : [Frustrated]  What is is, Snatcher?

  Archibald Snatcher : BOXTROLLS HAVE COME AND STOLEN A CHILD!

  Lord Portley-Rind : Gasp, no.

  Archibald Snatcher : There no doubt, picking their teeth with his adorable baby bones, by now.

  Lord Portley-Rind : Horribly tragedy.

  [in a non-interested tone] 

  Lord Portley-Rind : Lets deal with it in the morning.

  Archibald Snatcher : [while butler aggressively presses the door on Snatcher]  STOP, that's not the worst of it. They'll come after...

  [Butler slams the door in Snatcher's face, and is now talking through the mailslot of the mansion] 

  Archibald Snatcher : our cheeses!

  Lord Portley-Rind : [SCARED]  MY GOUDA?

  Archibald Snatcher : They'll stop at nothing.

  Lord Portley-Rind : Oh you're the town exterminator, I'll pay whatever it takes.

  Archibald Snatcher : Oh I don't want money, I want one of those

  [pointing at Portly Rind's hat] 

  Lord Portley-Rind : A white hat? you? ABSURD!

  Archibald Snatcher : Alright then, by prepare to say bye bye to your brie, cheerio to your cheddar, good bye...

  Lord Portley-Rind : Hey, Have every boxtrolls gone, with proof.

  Archibald Snatcher : For a white hat? I WILL DESTROY EVERY LAST BOXTROLL IN THIS TOWN!

• Archibald Snatcher : You really think Portly-Rind and his mob will help a nobody like you? In this town, you want help, you gotta help yourself. That's what a man does.

  Eggs : You're a liar, when I tell Winnie's father the truth, he'll...

  [Snatcher knocks Eggs to the wall with a baseball bat] 

  Archibald Snatcher : HE'LL THANK ME. Because... all your little Boxtroll friends... are going to die. TONIGHT!

  Eggs : WHAT?

  Archibald Snatcher : THEY'LL MAKE ME THE MOST RESPECTED MAN IN THIS TOWN! They'll have no choice but to give me a white hat, they'll parade me. They'll take me up on their shoulders. And I'm NOT gonna let that be ruined by some little Boxtroll sewer rat!