Dexter (TV Series)

Dexter (2006)

Michael C. Hall: Dexter Morgan

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Quotes 

• Sergeant Doakes : Fuck you!

  Dexter Morgan : Okay. Uh, is there something I can...

  Sergeant Doakes : Yeah, you can get me your fucking analysis on the blood spatter on these killings! You think I'm here to invite you to my nephew's briss?

  Dexter Morgan : [sarcastic]  I didn't know you were Jewish!

  Sergeant Doakes : Shut the fuck up and write your report already!

• Dexter Morgan : Tonight's the night. And it's going to happen, again and again. It has to happen. Nice night. Miami is a great town. I love the Cuban food. Pork sandwiches. My favorite. But I'm hungry for something different now.

• Dexter Morgan : People fake a lot of human interactions, but I feel like I fake them all, and I fake them very well. That's my burden, I guess.

• Dexter Morgan : Rita's ex-hubby, the crack addict, repeatedly raped her, knocked her around. Ever since then she's been completely uninterested in sex. That works for me!

• Dexter Morgan : She's the only person in the world who loves me. I think that's nice. I don't have feeling about anything, but if I could have feelings at all, I'd have them for Deb.

• Dexter Morgan : The only real question I have is why in a building full of cops, all supposedly with a keen insight to the human soul, is Doakes the only one who gets the creep from me.

• Dexter Morgan : [last lines of the episode; voiceover about the doll parts in his freezeR]  I suppose I should be upset, even feel violated, but I'm not. No, in fact, I think this is a friendly message, like "Hey, wanna play?" and yes, I want to play. I really, really do.

• Dexter Morgan : Blood. Sometimes it sets my teeth on edge, other times it helps me control the chaos.

• Dexter Morgan : Needless to say I have some unusual habits, yet all these socially acceptable people can't wait to pick up hammers and smash their food to bits. Normal people are so hostile.

• Mike Donovan : [about killing the boys]  I couldn't help myself. I couldn't. Please, you have to understand.

  Dexter Morgan : Trust me, I definitely understand. See, I can't help myself either. But children - I could never do that. Not like you. Never, ever kids.

  Mike Donovan : Why?

  Dexter Morgan : I have standards.

• Dexter Morgan : Harry and Dorris Morgan did a wonderful job raising me. But they're both dead now. I didn't kill them. Honest.

• Dexter Morgan : Do I see sheets of plastic in your future?

• Sergeant Doakes : You give me the fucking creeps, you know that Dexter?

  Dexter Morgan : Yeah, I know, sorry about that.

• Dexter Morgan : [voiceover]  The problem with eating and driving, which I love to do, is not being able to have my hands on the wheel at the 10 and 2 position. It's a matter of public safety.

• Mike Donovan : Hail Mary, full of grace, the lord...

  Dexter Morgan : [Slaps him]  Stop, that never helped anybody.

• Dexter Morgan : [narrating]  With the solve rate for murders at about twenty percent, Miami is a great place for me. A great place for me to hone my craft. Viva Miami.

• Officer Oliver : [Dexter, at a bloody crime scene, has just explained that they should be looking for someone who is really good with a knife]  So, we are looking for a sushi chef?

  Dexter Morgan : [deadpan]  Yeah... Sushi chef is possible. It wouldn't be my first choice but hey... You never know.

  Officer Oliver : Now what?

  Dexter Morgan : [excited and pumps his fist]  Now I eat!

• Dexter Morgan : [Deb dressed as hooker]  Geez Deb, where the hell do you keep your gun?

• Dexter Morgan : Talk to me about Jane Saunders.

  Jamie Jaworski : Okay, I did her.

  Dexter Morgan : How?

  Jamie Jaworski : In a movie. A snuff film, but I'm not sorry.

  Dexter Morgan : Of course not, and now I'm not sorry either.

  [Dexter swings blade for the kill] 

• Lt. Maria Laguerta : So then he must have already had the head with him in the front seat. Huh, that's weird. Why would he keep it there?

  Dexter Morgan : I don't know. So he could use a carpool lane

• Dexter Morgan : There's something strange and disarming about looking at a homicide scene in the daylight of Miami. It makes the most grotesque killings look staged, like you're in a new and daring section of Disney World: Dahmerland!

• Records Supervisor : You have a morbid sense of fun.

  Dexter Morgan : That's probably true...

• Dexter Morgan : No blood. No sticky, hot, messy, awful blood; no blood at all. Why hadn't I thought of that? No blood. What a beautiful idea!

• Dexter Morgan : [as killer adverts his eyes from dead bodies]  Look! Or I will cut your eyelids right off your face.

• Dexter Morgan : [to Deb]  Keep the sex suit on when you're talking to the Captain, it'll help your cause.

• Lt. Maria Laguerta : So, all the ice trucks in Miami; bit of a coincidence, don't you think?

  Dexter Morgan : Sure, during business hours. But this time of night, a truck like that sticks out.

  Lt. Maria Laguerta : And you followed it.

  Dexter Morgan : That's right.

  Lt. Maria Laguerta : And you never saw the driver?

  Dexter Morgan : Just high beams and a flying head.

• Dexter Morgan : [narrating]  This guy, Jamie Jaworski. Six months ago, I think he fell in love with a pretty brunette, Mrs. Jane Saunders; a sweet mother of two married to a successful banker, all living a pleasant life until she, unfortunately, disappeared. Leaving the kids emotionally devastated forever. The cops arrested my favorite valet, but his lawyer got him off on a faulty search warrant. It's a good thing I don't bother with them.

• Dexter Morgan : How does he do it? How does the killer get rid of the blood?

  Det. Angel Batista : It's hard to say. The body's in good shape. She got a nice ass, too. Head is over there if you want to take a look.

• Dexter Morgan : Harry was a great cop here in Miami. He taught me how to think like one; he taught me how to cover my tracks. I'm a very neat monster.

• Debra Morgan : You can't bullshit me, Dex. Help me out. LaGuerta still has me interviewing hookers.

  Dexter Morgan : It's a waste of time. Deb, if he was interrupted, think.

  Debra Morgan : Jesus Christ. Right. Because then how do you have time to wrap all the pieces? She's dumber than the boat people. Throw her a fucking raft.

  Dexter Morgan : But now we have a fourth body, and the cuts were different. And that's telling us a story. The ritual is changing. He's looking for some kind of inspiration and he's not finding it.

  Debra Morgan : So he keeps doing it until he gets it right.

• Dexter Morgan : Donut?

  Camilla : You keeping your fingernails clean?

  Dexter Morgan : Never leave home without my rubber gloves.

  Camilla : Good boy.

  Dexter Morgan : So, anything new?

  Camilla : [retreiving a case file]  One day, you're gonna tell me.

  Dexter Morgan : I already told you. Blood spatter doesn't take up all my time. I like doing it. Maybe I can help out. It fills my nights.

  Camilla : You have a morbid sense of fun.

  Dexter Morgan : That's probably true.

  Camilla : You should find a pretty girl.

  Dexter Morgan : I found you.

  Camilla : Charming like your father. Just don't get me fired.

  Dexter Morgan : Then who would I bring donuts to?

• Debra Morgan : So how the hell was your date with Rita last night?

  Dexter Morgan : Great. You should try it sometime. You need a life.

  Debra Morgan : Well, find me a guy I can trust. I need a transfer to Homicide, bro, then we'll see about a life.

  Dexter Morgan : I understand that. And it certainly would sound better for the kids to say "Mommy's on a homcide".

  Debra Morgan : Don't make me hit you.

• Det. Angel Batista : What are you doing here?

  Dexter Morgan : I was in the neighborhood. I'm on a date.

  Det. Angel Batista : A date? Nice.

  Dexter Morgan : Same guy, same pattern.

  Det. Angel Batista : Bone dry. No blood again. Pero mira esto. There's some small differences in the cuts this time. Over here, rough; almost emotion. Then over here, not so much. And then over here, clean.

  Dexter Morgan : Muy bien.

  Det. Angel Batista : Yeah, nice. But look at this. All bone. The killer flayed the skin, the flesh, completely off. Now, why would he do that?

  Dexter Morgan : He's experimenting. He's trying to find the right way.

  Det. Angel Batista : Is he experimenting with the head, too?

  Dexter Morgan : What do you mean?

  Det. Angel Batista : I mean la bestia left her tits and took her fucking head. I don't find anyone around here. And god only knows what he's doing with it.

  Dexter Morgan : [narrating]  He's certainly raising the bar. Damn. This guy is good.

• Sergeant Doakes : Where the hell you been?

  Dexter Morgan : Crime scene.

  Sergeant Doakes : What about these, the hotel cokehead murders, this dealer and the girl?

  Dexter Morgan : [looking at crime scene photos]  Oh. Well, this Hallmark-looking couple didn't die by the hands of a professional. No, this is child's play. Messy work; all that blood on the walls, looks like a finger painting.

• Dexter Morgan : I like your other outfit better.

  Debra Morgan : [sarcastic laugh]  You're a sick bastard. Guess what. Sex suit worked. Captain put me on the case. LaGuerta wasn't happy, but she needs to get laid.

  Dexter Morgan : I guess. So, congrats.

  Debra Morgan : So you got any ideas yet?

  Dexter Morgan : Nope.

  Debra Morgan : Well, uh, start working on your mental autopsy, 'cause I could use your theories.

• Dexter Morgan : That's a nice haircut, Masuka.

  Vince Masuka : I saw your sister. Damn, looking hot.

  Dexter Morgan : Yeah, she should. It's hot as hell out here.

  Vince Masuka : So... why are you here?

  Dexter Morgan : It's a crime scene.

  Vince Masuka : Yeah, but you do blood spatter.

  Dexter Morgan : So?

  Vince Masuka : So... there's no blood here.

  Dexter Morgan : What was that?

• Dexter Morgan : [voiceover]  Dogs don't like me because of what I sometimes do to their masters.

• Dexter Morgan : I chose Rita because she is, in her own way, as damaged as me.

• Dexter Morgan : [first lines] 

  Dexter Morgan : Tonight's the night. It's going to happen again and again. Has to happen. Nice night. Miami is a great town. I love the Cuban food and pork sandwhiches, my favorite. But I'm hungry for something different, now.

• Rita Bennett : What am I gonna do?

  Dexter Morgan : Don't worry, I'll figure it out.

  [voice over] 

  Dexter Morgan : And I will. I can always see other people's problems more clearly than my own.

• Dexter Morgan : [voice over]  I always prided myself on being an outsider... but now... I feel the need to connect with someone.

• Dexter Morgan : People fake a lot of human interactions, but I feel like I fake them all, and I fake them very well. That's my burden, I guess.