- Jim Proudfoot: [about why he encourages the Myth that all Mohicans are "gone"] Chicks really dig you when you're the last of something.
- Ralph Wiggum: [to a wolf] Will you be my mommy?
- Ralph Wiggum: [wolf carries him] You smell like dead bunnies!
- Homer Simpson: I didn't know you were such a Beatles fan.
- Ned Flanders: Of course I am,! They were bigger than Jesus! But your boy went Yoko and brought up my collection!
- Homer Simpson: Look, Marge! I'm Brian Epstein.
- [drums his hands on some Beatles bobbleheads and giggles]
- Homer Simpson: Now I'm Michael Jackson.
- [in falsetto voice]
- Homer Simpson: I own all your songs, losers.
- Bart Simpson: [after the Calvary kids have won the prize for most boxes of candy sold even though their candy contained laxatives] I guess that's it, they beat us
- Nelson Muntz: At least we made a lot of people sick
- Homer Simpson: Well I'm not finished, where does it say we have to be gracious in defeat?
- Bart Simpson: Its on the back of our vests
- Homer Simpson: Marge remove that stitching
- Homer Simpson: [reading the Pre teen braves brochure] Hey these freaks do a lot of cool stuff, cookouts, bowling
- Lisa Simpson: Maybe you should lead Bart's tribe?
- Homer Simpson: You mean like some sort of madman?
- Lisa Simpson: Ideally no
- Homer Simpson: I'll do it!
- Lisa Simpson: I don't think Dad is properly portraying the Native American lifestyle
- Marge Simpson: Yeah Indians don't sit around watching TV and drinking beer.
- Drederick Tatum: Hello Springfield, I'm heavyweight champ Drederick Tatum issuing a challenge to see who can sell the most candy, winners will become honorary bad boys at the next Isotopes home game, proceeds will go to keeping people like me off the street, I can't help myself, punch and grope, punch and grope, its all I was taught
- Mayor Joe Quimby: Welcome fans of everyone's favourite past time
- [reads the card]
- Mayor Joe Quimby: Baseball!
- Carl Carlson: Carl:
- [Watching the riot]
- Carl Carlson: I don't remember this much bad blood when I was a Cavalry kid.
- Lenny Leonard: I was a pre teen brave!
- [He hurls a chair at him]
- Carl Carlson: I sang at your wedding!
- Lenny Leonard: Yeah, "The best is yet to come", real original!
- [hurls another chair at him]
- Apu Nahasapeemapetalong: Pre teen braves? Is this another one of those community youth groups that inhibit the culture of those you invaded and destroyed?
- Marge Simpson: Exactly the pre teen braves
- Marge Simpson: [a riot is occurring in Duff Stadium] All I wanted was to glue feathers on felt and teach the boys good citizenship
- [she starts to cry and the cameraman turns the camera to her]
- Homer Simpson: [Seeing her crying on the stadium screen] That's my wife and she's crying!
- Groundskeeper Willie: Dry your tears lass
- Otto Mann: Then show us your boobs
- Drederick Tatum: [after repeatedly punching Moe] Dear God, why are we fighting?
- Others: I ain't doing any fighting
- Chief Wiggum: Well, well, well, looks like a couple of punks... are gonna be taking the last train to Clarksville.
- Lou: That's the Monkees, chief.
- Chief Wiggum: Go wait in the car.
- Lou: [muttering as he walks out] Fine. It was the Monkees.