- Homer Simpson: Ah. I love these real Saturdays. They're so relaxing.
- [angry]
- Homer Simpson: Not like that fake Saturday that almost got me fired!
- [first lines]
- Homer Simpson: [lounging on the couch in his pajamas, drinking beer] Ah. I love these lazy Saturdays.
- Marge Simpson: It's Wednesday, Homer.
- Homer Simpson: Ahh! Work!
- [he quickly runs off]
- Moe Szyslak: Geez, this hot rod is souped up six ways from Sunday! Never had you figured for a gearhead, Homer.
- Homer Simpson: Oh yeah, I'm a real expert.
- Moe Szyslak: What is that, a six barrel Holley carb?
- Homer Simpson: You betcha!
- Moe Szyslak: Edelbrock intakes?
- Homer Simpson: Nothing but.
- Moe Szyslak: Myohoff lifters?
- Homer Simpson: Oh, yeah.
- Moe Szyslak: I made that last one up.
- Homer Simpson: I see.
- Homer Simpson: Hey, Skinner! Want a drag race?
- Principal Skinner: My high school sweetheart was killed in a drag race.
- Homer Simpson: Come on, it'll be fun!
- Principal Skinner: That's what Debbie Sue said.
- [singing to the tune of "Camptown Races"]
- Marge Simpson, Bart Simpson, Lisa Simpson: On the closing day / the escrow agents pay / taxes, liens and interest too / thanks to Fanny Mae.
- Bart Simpson: [finishes the song] They back your baaaaank!
- Homer Simpson: You're all nuts.
- Marge Simpson: [after collecting her unemployment check] Three hundred dollars for doing nothing? I feel like such a crook!
- George Bush: Don't worry! Gets easier every year!
- [Marge is working at a real estate firm]
- Lionel Hutz: I've been getting a lot of calls about you, Marge. People just love your no-pressure approach.
- Marge: Well, you know what we say: the right house for the right person.
- Lionel Hutz: I'm going to let you in on a little secret. The right house is the house that's for sale. And the right person is anyone.
- Marge Simpson: I'm not getting back in this car until you drive like a sane person!
- Homer Simpson: [speeds off] Okaybyeloveya!
- Marge Simpson: You bought a car without consulting me?
- Homer Simpson: I don't remember being consulted when you bought that hat.
- Marge Simpson: I found this hat!
- Homer Simpson: Well then what are you complaining about? You got yours!
- Lionel Hutz: [ringing a bell] Attention.
- [the bell dinger breaks off]
- Lionel Hutz: Ding-ding, ding-ding, ding-ding. Listen up, everybody. Marge Simpson sold her first house.
- Homer Simpson: [at a police seized-property auction] Wow, sweetheart, look at all this seized booty. We could find the drug boat of our dreams!
- Marge Simpson: I don't want a drug boat.
- Homer Simpson: Well, I bet there's drug dresses and drug vacuum cleaners too.
- [Marge is showing Maude and Ned the murder house]
- Ned Flanders: Oh, my-diddly-eye! Will you look at this place. And the price has been slashed repeatedly.
- Maude Flanders: It's sure built solid. The kids could scream bloody murder and no one would hear.
- Ned Flanders: Well, I'm just going to spill my guts. I love it to death. I'm going to give you a deposit this minute.
- [Marge gets her first unemployment check]
- Marge: Three hundred dollars for doing nothing. I feel like such a crook.
- George Bush: Don't worry, it gets easier every week.