- Kirk Van Houten: I sleep in a racing car. Do you?
- Homer: I sleep in a big bed with my wife.
- Kirk Van Houten: Oh. Yeah.
- Homer: [Looks at Kirk's demo tape] "Can I borrow a feeling"? Ha! It's got your face on it!
- Kirk Van Houten: Go ahead and laugh at me, Homer.
- Homer: I already did.
- Kirk Van Houten: So what do you say Louanne? Will you marry me? Again?
- Luann Van Houten: ...Oh no.
- Kirk Van Houten: Ah. Well can I at least have my shirts back?
- Pyro: Okay, you heard the lady, outside!
- Kirk Van Houten: I'll be back! Probably.
- Kirk Van Houten: [sighs] You know why all this happened, don't you? Because I took my marriage for granted. You know in twelve years, I never once helped out with the housework.
- Homer: Oh yeah, you got to do that.
- Kirk Van Houten: I could have at least stayed in shape for her.
- Homer: Oh and for yourself.
- Kirk Van Houten: I could have taken just a little time to... to make her feel special.
- Homer: It can't just be sex! It can't!
- Kirk Van Houten: God, I'm so self-centred! No wonder I didn't see it coming! That's how it is though - one day your wife is making you your favourite meal, the next day you're thawin' a hot dog in a gas station sink.
- Homer: Oh, that's tough, pal. But it's never gonna' happen to me.
- Kirk Van Houten: Well, how do you know? What makes you guys so special?
- Homer: Cause' Marge and I have one thing that can never be broken - a strong marriage built on a solid foundation of routine.
- Homer: [cut to Homer returning to an empty house] Marge, I'm home. Where are you? Are you OK? I don't smell dinner.
- [takes a note off the refrigerator door]
- Homer: "Dear Homer"... aw. "Sorry you didn't want to join me tonight. I've left you hot dogs for dinner. They're thawing in the sink".
- [Homer sees them and screams]
- Homer: You know what you guys need? A little comic called "Love Is". It's about two naked eight-year-olds who are married.
- Marge: [Homer has tried to give Marge a haircut] I don't need you around me 24hrs a day! I'm a grown woman! I can take care of myself! Now, will you please just go away!
- Marge: Did anyone see that new Woody Allen movie?
- Ned Flanders: You know, I like his films, except for that nervous fella's always in 'em.