The Simpsons (TV Series)
Itchy & Scratchy Land (1994)
Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Itchy, Krusty, Grampa Simpson, Squeaky Voiced Teen, Hans Moleman, Costumed Man #1, Cocktail Waiter, 'I really wish they wouldn't scream', Scientist
Photos
Quotes
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Homer : Wow, it *is* the seventies, right down to the smallest detail.
Marge : Hey, the bartender even looks like John Travolta.
John Travolta : Yeah, *looks* like...
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Lisa Simpson : Dad, remember when you said going to Itchy & Scratchy Land would be too damn expensive?
Homer : Oh, everything's too damn expensive nowadays. Look at this Bible I bought - fifteen bucks! And talking about a preachy book! Everyone's a sinner - except for this guy.
[points to a page in the book that presumably refers to Jesus]
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Marge : [as robot Itchys and Scratchys advance on her and Homer] I knew we should've gone to the bird sanctuary.
[Cut to the sanctuary, where the birds are attacking visitors Hitchcock-style. Hans Moleman is in a phone booth, completely oblivious to the carnage outside]
Hans Moleman : I need the biggest seed bell you have... no, that's too big.
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Homer : Okay, let's make a pact. This is gonna be the best vacation ever or we're all agreed to disband and join other families.
Marge , Bart , Lisa Simpson : Agreed.
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Homer : Back you robots! Nobody ruins our family vacation but me! And maybe the boy!
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Maestro : Welcome to T.G.I. McScratchy's, where it's constantly New Year's Eve! Here we go again! Three, two, one...
Partygoers : Happy New Year!
[balloons are strewn about the dance floor]
Marge : It must be wonderful to ring in the new year over and over and over!
Cocktail Waiter : [glumly] Please kill me.
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Marge : ...And remember, every morning give one bowl of Kibble to Santa's Little Helper. Do you want me to write any of this down?
Grampa Simpson : No! I ain't senile, dad blast it!
Marge : Okay, bye-bye!
Lisa Simpson : Bye, Grampa!
[the family drives off, leaving Grampa with Santa's Little Helper and Snowball II]
Grampa Simpson : Wait a minute! What was that last thing you said? 'Grampa's Little Helper'... what's that?
[meekly, to animals]
Grampa Simpson : Which one of you is the mailman?
[animals look awkwardly at each other]