The Simpsons (TV Series)

Itchy & Scratchy Land (1994)

Nancy Cartwright: Bart Simpson

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Homer and Marge are sleeping. Suddenly, Lisa bursts in, pulling a toy wagon carrying a lifeless Bart] 

  Lisa Simpson : Mom, Dad! BART'S DEAD!

  [they wake up and gasp] 

  Bart : [coming alive]  That's right - dead serious about going to Itchy & Scratchy Land!

  [Homer and Marge groan] 

• Bart : Hey, mouse. Say, "Cheese."

  [Bart takes a picture with his camera, causing a Scratchy robot to collapse] 

  Bart : With a dry, cool wit like that, I could be an action hero.

• Bart : Mom, guess what!

  Lisa Simpson : We're going to Itchy & Scratchy Land!

  Marge : No. I've already planned our vacation for this year. We're going to the Highway 9 Bird Sanctuary. I understand they've installed a new bird feeder this year.

  [Bart and Lisa stare, horrified] 

  Marge : It's shaped like a diner! And it's on this really tall pole.

• Homer : Okay, let's make a pact. This is gonna be the best vacation ever or we're all agreed to disband and join other families.

  Marge , Bart , Lisa Simpson : Agreed.

• Bart : [while browsing the park's gift shop]  Look at all this great stuff, Lise. Cool, personalized plates!

  [looking for one with his name] 

  Bart : Barclay, Barry, Bert... Bort? Aw, come on. Bort?

  Boy : [runs up to the stall]  Mommy, Mommy! Buy me a license plate!

  Mother : [grabs his arm]  No, come along, Bort.

  Man : [turns around in surprise]  Are you talking to me?

  Mother : No, my son is also named Bort.

• Bart : Smash-shy, smash-shy!

  Marge : Um, I don't approve of that.

• Marge : ...And remember, every morning give one bowl of Kibble to Santa's Little Helper. Do you want me to write any of this down?

  Grampa Simpson : No! I ain't senile, dad blast it!

  Marge : Okay, bye-bye!

  Homer , Bart : Bye!

  Lisa Simpson : Bye, Grampa!

  [the family drives off, leaving Grampa with Santa's Little Helper and Snowball II] 

  Grampa Simpson : Wait a minute! What was that last thing you said? 'Grampa's Little Helper'... what's that?

  [meekly, to animals] 

  Grampa Simpson : Which one of you is the mailman?

  [animals look awkwardly at each other] 

• [Bart notices an actor in an Itchy costume capering and waving to guests] 

  Bart : So, Mr. Itchy, you think you're God's gift to women, do you?

  Lisa Simpson : Don't do it, Bart.

  [Bart pulls a stink bomb from his "Li'l Bastard Traveling Kit" and slingshots it straight into "Itchy"'s mouth] 

  Man in Itchy Costume : [choking in horror]  I just wanted to entertain!

  [Bart laughs as he runs away] 

  Bart : Can you believe I keep getting away with this...

  [a uniformed man puts a hand on his shoulder] 

  Bart : uh, officer?

• [the Simpsons are trying to escape the murderous Itchy and Scratchy robots] 

  Bart : A chopper - we're saved!

  Man in Itchy Costume : Hey, you're the guys that didn't like our capering! When you get to Hell, tell 'em Itchy sent ya!

  [kicks Bart and Homer away]