Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Series)

Wild Rebels (1990)

Joel Hodgson: Joel Robinson

Quotes 

• Joel : We'll be right back after this important message. Hey, kids!

  Tom Servo , Joel , Crow T. Robot : [commercial jingle starts]  We're Wiiiiild Rebels! Crunchy, fruity rebels! Pouring milk on them is like shooting off a gun!

  Joel : It's Wild Rebels Cereal, the nutritious cereal that's like getting hit in back of the head with a surfboard of flavor!

  Tom Servo : Look! Marshmallow Fattys!

  Crow T. Robot : Sugary Lindas!

  Joel : I got tangy, twangy Banjos!

  Tom Servo : Crunchy oat Rods!

  Crow T. Robot : And Jeeters, too! Die, Jeeter, die!

  Magic Voice : [music stops]  Kids? What are you doing in there?

  Tom Servo , Joel , Crow T. Robot : Having a good breakfast, mom.

  Tom Servo : [music starts again]  Pour on the milk! One, two! One, two, three, four!

  Tom Servo , Joel , Crow T. Robot : Wiiiild Rebels! Bunchy, crunchy rebels! Don't bust your teeth on something sweet and hard!

  Joel : Wild Rebels Cereal, part of this complete breakfast.

  Crow T. Robot : Hey, there's a cheap surprise inside!

  Joel : I got a gun!

  Tom Servo : I got a sawed-off pool cue with a leather strap!

  Crow T. Robot : I got a chunk of hose filled with lead shot!

  Tom Servo : All right, let's take it home!

  Tom Servo , Joel , Crow T. Robot : They won't get soft or squishy! Better eat 'em, or you're a sissy! Just pound 'em down, you stupid clown, they're WIIIIILD!

  Joel : Wild Rebels Cereal. Just eat 'em.

• [after Linda points a gun at the gun shop owner] 

  Joel : [as Linda]  Ahem, I'd like to return these bullets to their original owner.

• Tom Servo : Gosh, Joel, that biker guy sure is sleazy, but boy, what a vocabulary!

  Crow T. Robot : Yeah, he's quite eloquent for a piece of lowlife scum.

  Joel : Oh, well, you guys might be surprised to find out that a lot of the great thinkers of this century actually rode in motorcycle gangs. In fact, I've got a few drawings...

  Crow T. Robot : Oh, don't tell me, you've prepared a presentation using artists' renderings.

  Joel : Right. You know, you read me like a book. And anyone who reads a lot of books will know who the Algonquin Round Table was.

  Tom Servo : Well, of course! Alexander Wolcott, George S. Kaufman, Robert Benchley, Dorothy Parker...

  Joel : Right! Well, I've got this drawing here... bring it in a little bit, Cambot. Here's the group, here's their gang. It's called "Satan's Sardonics." Now, these guys terrorized the whole East Coast until one day they were unexpectedly wiped out in a rumble with the cast of "What's My Line?"

  Crow T. Robot : Wow, I guess that Bennett Cerf is tougher than people thought!

  Joel : Yeah! Now, when you think of a tough, macho writer who writes in a tense, hard-boiled style, who do you think of?

  Tom Servo : Uh... Truman Capote?

  Joel : Exactly! See? His gang, "Oscar's Wilde Ones" - they were leather boys - were all the rage until Norman Mailer's gang, "Hell's Egos," mixed it up with Gore Vidal's gang, "The Vidal Sassoons."

  Crow T. Robot : Boy, sounds pretty messy! "If they don't look good, we don't look good!"

  Joel : Yeah, there was gel and mousse for miles around. The carnage didn't end until they all joined forces and finally beat up... Dick Cavett.

• Joel Robinson : Sounds like she shot him with a staple gun.

• Joel Robinson : [sneezing into his hands]  Oh, excuse me.

  Crow T. Robot : Gesundheit.